Lawns & God

[Bruce Yates]

LAWNS & GOD

GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
world
is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions,
violets,
thistle
and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden
plan.
Those plants
grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
The
nectar from the
long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of
songbirds.
I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are
these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
Suburbanites..
They started
calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and
replace them with grass.

>GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't
attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental
with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
growing
there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
cut it,
sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
grow.
And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
saves them a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it
so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they
fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
form
compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
a new
circle.
As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to
have
them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in
place of the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you
scheduled for us tonight?

ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
about...

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis

[paghat]

Neato post, thanks.

-paghat the ratgirl


In article >, Bruce Yates
> wrote:

> LAWNS & GOD
>
> GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the
> world
> is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions,
> violets,
> thistle
> and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden
> plan.
> Those plants
> grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon.
> The
> nectar from the
> long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of
> songbirds.
> I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are
> these green rectangles.
>
> ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The
> Suburbanites..
> They started
> calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and
> replace them with grass.
>
> >GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't
> attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's
> temperamental
> with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass
> growing
> there?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it
> and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and
> poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.
>
> GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow
> really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.
>
> ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they
> cut it,
> sometimes twice a week.
>
> GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
> bags.
>
> GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.
>
> GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will
> grow.
> And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir.
>
> GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
> back
> on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
> saves them a lot of work.
>
> ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass
> stops
> growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it
> so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.
>
> GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
> sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
> the
> spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they
> fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
> soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves
> form
> compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.
>
> ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn
> a new
> circle.
> As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to
> have
> them hauled away.
>
> GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the
> winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy
> something
> which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in
> place of the leaves.
>
> GOD: And where do they get this mulch?
>
> ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.
>
> GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
> you're
> in charge of the arts. What movie have you
> scheduled for us tonight?
>
> ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie
> about...
>
> GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis

--
"Of what are you afraid, my child?" inquired the kindly teacher.
"Oh, sir! The flowers, they are wild," replied the timid creature.
-from Peter Newell's "Wild Flowers"
See the Garden of Paghat the Ratgirl: http://www.paghat.com/

[Mike Lyle]

Bruce Yates > wrote in message >...
> LAWNS & GOD
[...snipped with regret...]

Heh! Lovely post. Any chance anybody'll pay attention?

Mike.

[Salty Thumb]

(Mike Lyle) wrote in
om:

> Bruce Yates > wrote in message
> >...
>> LAWNS & GOD
> [...snipped with regret...]
>
> Heh! Lovely post. Any chance anybody'll pay attention?
>
> Mike.

Somebody will pay attention. Will it make a difference? Like a drop of
water in a raging sea. Here's a more encouraging analogy but with less
agreeable connotations: it takes but a single flame to bring down a mighty
forest.

Good luck to all of you,

- Salty

[Dave Fouchey]

Bush will denounce it, Ashcroft will decide it's a terrorist plot and
Cheney will try to drill through it....


On 17 Jun 2003 10:59:57 -0700, (Mike Lyle)
wrote:

>Bruce Yates > wrote in message >...
>> LAWNS & GOD
>[...snipped with regret...]
>
>Heh! Lovely post. Any chance anybody'll pay attention?
>
>Mike.

Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
Southeastern Lower Michigan
42° 35' 20'' N,
82° 58' 37'' W
GMT Offset: -5
Time Zone: Eastern

[Dr. Scratch N. Sniff]

On 17 Jun 2003 10:59:57 -0700, (Mike Lyle)
wrote:

>Bruce Yates > wrote in message >...
>> LAWNS & GOD
>[...snipped with regret...]
>
>Heh! Lovely post. Any chance anybody'll pay attention?
>
>Mike.
Well, I paid attention when this anecdote was posted last fall. I
saved all my leaves and redistributed them on my patch of lawn.
All the grass clippings from spring and summer (those not used in
other manner), ditto.
It looked like things were working out really well, then . . .
my mosquito breeding neighbors (they have a pile of discarded tires,
open containers of used motor oil, etc in their asphalted 'yard')
complained to TPTB that my yard with its covering of natural much was
'unsightly'. The city thereupon cited me and forced a 'clean-up'.
so _this_ year, I applied for and got a "natural preserve" certificate
for my yard. I'm growing dandelions, poke, goldenrod, thistles which
I didn't even know had a bloom, tons and tons of wild strawberry, the
creeping charlie that I worked so hard to limit last year will come
back, and I will plant kudzu if I can find any.
I'm expecting a morning glory invasion along the perimeter fence and
ivy of some kind is starting up their tree in the corner.
The new 'flower garden' is pretty and my mower will get a summer
vacation this year.

Ahh. Vengence is a dish best served cold, don't you think?

[Dave Fouchey]

On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:02:02 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff
> wrote:

>Well, I paid attention when this anecdote was posted last fall. I
>saved all my leaves and redistributed them on my patch of lawn.
>All the grass clippings from spring and summer (those not used in
>other manner), ditto.
>It looked like things were working out really well, then . . .
>my mosquito breeding neighbors (they have a pile of discarded tires,
>open containers of used motor oil, etc in their asphalted 'yard')
>complained to TPTB that my yard with its covering of natural much was
>'unsightly'. The city thereupon cited me and forced a 'clean-up'.
>so _this_ year, I applied for and got a "natural preserve" certificate
>for my yard. I'm growing dandelions, poke, goldenrod, thistles which
>I didn't even know had a bloom, tons and tons of wild strawberry, the
>creeping charlie that I worked so hard to limit last year will come
>back, and I will plant kudzu if I can find any.
>I'm expecting a morning glory invasion along the perimeter fence and
>ivy of some kind is starting up their tree in the corner.
>The new 'flower garden' is pretty and my mower will get a summer
>vacation this year.
>
>Ahh. Vengence is a dish best served cold, don't you think?
>


Well done, well done indeed! Did you think of planting wild mint along
the border of your yard, on his side?

<blinking baby blues innocently>


Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
Southeastern Lower Michigan
42° 35' 20'' N,
82° 58' 37'' W
GMT Offset: -5
Time Zone: Eastern

[Dr. Scratch N. Sniff]

On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:35:19 -0400, Dave Fouchey
> wrote:

>On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:02:02 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff
> wrote:
>
>>Well, I paid attention when this anecdote was posted last fall. I
>>saved all my leaves and redistributed them on my patch of lawn.
>>All the grass clippings from spring and summer (those not used in
>>other manner), ditto.
>>It looked like things were working out really well, then . . .
>>my mosquito breeding neighbors (they have a pile of discarded tires,
>>open containers of used motor oil, etc in their asphalted 'yard')
>>complained to TPTB that my yard with its covering of natural much was
>>'unsightly'. The city thereupon cited me and forced a 'clean-up'.
>>so _this_ year, I applied for and got a "natural preserve" certificate
>>for my yard. I'm growing dandelions, poke, goldenrod, thistles which
>>I didn't even know had a bloom, tons and tons of wild strawberry, the
>>creeping charlie that I worked so hard to limit last year will come
>>back, and I will plant kudzu if I can find any.
>>I'm expecting a morning glory invasion along the perimeter fence and
>>ivy of some kind is starting up their tree in the corner.
>>The new 'flower garden' is pretty and my mower will get a summer
>>vacation this year.
>>
>>Ahh. Vengence is a dish best served cold, don't you think?
>>
>
>
>Well done, well done indeed! Did you think of planting wild mint along
>the border of your yard, on his side?
>
><blinking baby blues innocently>
>
>
>Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
>http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
>Southeastern Lower Michigan
>42° 35' 20'' N,
>82° 58' 37'' W
>GMT Offset: -5
>Time Zone: Eastern
Actually, I like the wild mint, so I've cultivated it along an inner
fence for some time now.
BTW, do you hang out on 40 meters? do CW?
Bob, KC8HPG

[Dave Fouchey]

On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:53:12 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff
> wrote:


>>
>>
>>Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
>>http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
>>Southeastern Lower Michigan
>>42° 35' 20'' N,
>>82° 58' 37'' W
>>GMT Offset: -5
>>Time Zone: Eastern
>Actually, I like the wild mint, so I've cultivated it along an inner
>fence for some time now.
>BTW, do you hang out on 40 meters? do CW?
>Bob, KC8HPG


40 and 20 CW and PSK31 & 20 SSB mostly QRP

Dave
Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
Southeastern Lower Michigan
42° 35' 20'' N,
82° 58' 37'' W
GMT Offset: -5
Time Zone: Eastern

[Bill Oliver]

In article >,
Dr. Scratch N. Sniff > wrote:
>On 17 Jun 2003 10:59:57 -0700, (Mike Lyle)
>wrote:
>
>... and I will plant kudzu if I can find any.
>

And you were doing so good until this. Sorry, there is no justification
for planting kudzu in the US.

billo

[animaux]

On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 21:05:33 -0400, Dave Fouchey > wrote:

>Bush will denounce it, Ashcroft will decide it's a terrorist plot and
>Cheney will try to drill through it....
>

No, Cheney will call his big boys are Halliburton, Brown & Root, and anyone else
he's having virtual sex with and give them the contracts to drill through it.

[Gloria Lenon]

Sent this one to everyone I know! LOL!

--
gloria - only the iguanas know for sure

[Dr. Scratch N. Sniff]

On 18 Jun 2003 12:48:50 GMT, (Bill Oliver) wrote:

>In article >,
>Dr. Scratch N. Sniff > wrote:
>>On 17 Jun 2003 10:59:57 -0700, (Mike Lyle)
>>wrote:
>>
>>... and I will plant kudzu if I can find any.
>>
>
>And you were doing so good until this. Sorry, there is no justification
>for planting kudzu in the US.
>
>billo
And after kudzu was imported as the salvation for hillside erosion.
sigh.. I think I'll do it anyway, since it isn't illegal yet, and it's
by far more sightly than a pile of old tires and washbasins of used
motor oil.


Why not use kudzu? The city came along and put crown vetch
everywhere. I would rather have a noxious weed of my own that can
outgrow the stuff. Shux, by the end of July, I could have a kudzu
covered 2 story house!

[Dr. Scratch N. Sniff]

On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 23:06:53 -0400, Dave Fouchey
> wrote:

>On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:53:12 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff
> wrote:
>
>
>>>
>>>
>>>Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
>>>http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
>>>Southeastern Lower Michigan
>>>42° 35' 20'' N,
>>>82° 58' 37'' W
>>>GMT Offset: -5
>>>Time Zone: Eastern
>>Actually, I like the wild mint, so I've cultivated it along an inner
>>fence for some time now.
>>BTW, do you hang out on 40 meters? do CW?
>>Bob, KC8HPG
>
>
>40 and 20 CW and PSK31 & 20 SSB mostly QRP
>
>Dave
>Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR
>http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey
>Southeastern Lower Michigan
>42° 35' 20'' N,
>82° 58' 37'' W
>GMT Offset: -5
>Time Zone: Eastern
I hang around 7120, definitely qrp. 10 W max out. Are you in any
nets?