My deepest thoughts of sorrow for the loss of your friend and
Barbs husband. I lost my dad to liver cancer and AIDS complications
and it was awful. It's best if he is totally medicated. What a waste
of a beautiful life and person. I'm so sorry Maddy.

With love,
Victoria


On Fri, 14 Oct 2005 03:06:45 -0400, "madgardener"
wrote:

Marilyn, aka madgardener here. I am the bringer of very sad news tonight.
For the last year and a half, one of our beloved garden newsgroup members
has been fighting colon cancer. It was actually looking better. You all know
him by John, or his e-mail signature of B&Jskeff.

I met him right off almost eight years ago on this newsgroup and immediately
struck up a friendship with him in the middle of a tumultuous moment with my
son's wife at a time in their life when I needed someone outside of my life
to give me sound advice. I turned to John, just to ask his opinion and
trusted him. It was something I felt from the heart.

I sent him a 14 page letter over the internet to proof read for me and offer
his opinion as to wheather or not it was out of bounds or had gone too far.
He sent it back with only two sentences taken out, told me that my writing
had once again spoken volumns and that unless my daughter in law read
something between the lines, it was in no way condesending or condeming. It
was more than adequate to send. And I did.

Shortly afterwards, John decided that I was the right age to be his "little
sis" and he kinda adopted me. He fit the age of an older brother and we
communicated back and forth and talked gardens. He particularly loved my
receipe for squirrel stew that I'd submitted once.

His life in upper Minnesota was facinating, and that he was a retired
teacher was a wonderful thing to me as well. Then one spring, he and his
bride on their way to North Carolina stopped thru here to meet up with me.
He and Barb were everything I had figured.

A white haired elf of a man, full head of hair, twinkling eyes, and a huge
smile. Barb was a woman in total love with this amazing man. We had a great
lunch at a local little restaurant, I dragged them thru the slope, and the
early stages of Fairy Holler, and then thru the chaos of our house. Lots of
hugs and tears, they went onwards towards North Carolina and the friendship
strengthened.

Christmas cards, sometimes with a sneak of his extra left over "walking
around change" as he'd put it because Barb didn't just let him buy any plant
he wanted. I was blown away by his kindnesses. He made my husband cry one
Christmas when he had just had surgery on a double hernia and was out of
work. The Christmas card came, and my own John (whom another garden friend
had nicknamed "Squire" that stuck) asked to open it as he was depressed at
not being able to do anything for at least six weeks.

As he opened the envelope, I looked over at him and he asked me to pull to
the shoulder. He was crying. Inside, "Brudder John" had slipped some
Christmas money inside the card. And had written a note to my own John with
words of encouragement. And spoke very kind of me, a little sister he really
felt love and worry towards like any big brother would. And that he hoped
he'd have the opportunity to one day meet him the same as he'd met me.

Now here we are, almost a year and a half since he pressed his doctors to
find out what was wrong because he just knew there wasn't something right.
and they discovered cancer. And that he'd have to have treatments for the
duration. I once asked him duration of what? And he made a joke that he'd
glow until the end of his life he expected. And always he'd send me jokes
after he'd have treatments. Well, here is the bad news I got tonight after
sweet Barb sent me the first wave of oh no......I am just attaching it here.
I don't think John would mind now. I wanted to share with the people that
John loved as gardeners and friends from the newsgroup so that they know he
is leaving with just lying his trowel down for a moment.

My tears are heavy now, so here is Barb's letter to me and friends and
family. I'd appreciate prayers and loving thoughts for John Skeffington
today and loving supportive prayers and thoughts for his sweet bride, Barb.
Who he lovingly called his July bride..........

"I have bad news. The tests completed last night or early this morning
finally indicated that the tumors have overtaken his liver and that his
liver is shutting down. This also causes ammonia to build up in the brain,
causing the light coma-like state that he is currently in. Today he is not
responsive other than slightly opening his eyes when spoken to and
occasionally he moves and stretches some. The doctor has assured me that he
will not be in pain and has already administered morphine. They are giving
him something to try to clear out the ammonia to see if we can have a little
time to visit together yet. I pressed the doctors today as to how much time
he has and was told "days" by both doctors.

I still can't believe that this is happening so fast. Last week he was
teaching new Master Gardeners about propagation and he still was good on
Sunday. Monday the only clue I had was that he was exceptionally tired and
was willing to have plants cut back and things taken out of the garden even
though we haven't had any frost. The only part he took in the clean up of
the flower beds and vegetable garden was to pick the peppers that were still
on and pull out the plants. Thank heavens I found a woman who knows her
plants and works tirelessly doing what needs to be done. We tackled a lot
of the work in just 1 day! He was so happy to see so much was done.

In keeping with his wishes (and mine are the same), he will be cremated and
there will be no funeral or memorial service. Probably a week or two after
his passing I will have an open house type of gathering of friends at the
house to celebrate his life. Next summer, probably around the 4th of July,
we will scatter his ashes on the farm he grew up on (and that we still own)
in Park Rapids, MN. But right now I am not making any decisions. I just
sit in his room and let him know I am here. By bringing my laptop along I
can prepare this email and will send it out when I get home.

I am SO glad we got little Snippet. She was the joy of his life for the
last month. I got several pictures of them that I will always cherish

God is taking his hand. I am losing by best friend and lover of almost 37
years.
Barb"

Snippet is the little Yorkie puppy that John relented and got for Barb as a
companion that immediately attached herself to her daddy. She is a heart
breaker. And I know she'll help with the deep hurt that Barb will feel from
the loss of John in the coming moments.


So my love goes out to you, Brudder John. For all those times I wrote to
you, and you back to me in return, and laughed at your jokes and the more
randy ones you slipped to me. I cherish the time we had to get to know each
other and am honored that we got a chance to hug and meet eye to eye. I hope
we run into each other in a garden somewhere else someday. I'll know you by
the twinkle in your eyes, and you'll know me by the goofy garden hat. One
never knows. I'm not much on more than feeling that our energy and spirits
go on without our shells. And that's just me and the way I feel. Thank you
for allowing me to share this moment of pain and sadness and love with you
all.

Travis, I'll apologize now for the attachment. I had to do it. Think of it
as my last tribute to John. I'll never post another jpg again on this
newsgroup, that I can promise and keep word on.

I have a Deutzia that John started me from cuttings that just this year grew
two new shoots on and promises to bloom wonderfully for me. If I ever leave,
this bush will follow with me along with a number of things I can't part
with that are precious to me.

Marilyn P. Catron aka "madgardener", "maddie" and "lil' sis" up on the
ridge, back in Fairy Holler, overlooking English Mountain in Eastern
Tennessee

thank you V. I hope I didn't make you angry sending you this in the early
hours after I got the message. I won't do that again. the friendships mean
more to me than thinking emotionally.
maddie
"Bourne Identity" wrote in message
...
My deepest thoughts of sorrow for the loss of your friend and
Barbs husband. I lost my dad to liver cancer and AIDS complications
and it was awful. It's best if he is totally medicated. What a waste
of a beautiful life and person. I'm so sorry Maddy.

With love,
Victoria

Shut up! I am happy you thought to send it. Don't be silly.

love,
V

On Fri, 14 Oct 2005 12:18:58 -0400, "madgardener"
wrote:

thank you V. I hope I didn't make you angry sending you this in the early
hours after I got the message. I won't do that again. the friendships mean
more to me than thinking emotionally.
maddie
"Bourne Identity" wrote in message
.. .
My deepest thoughts of sorrow for the loss of your friend and
Barbs husband. I lost my dad to liver cancer and AIDS complications
and it was awful. It's best if he is totally medicated. What a waste
of a beautiful life and person. I'm so sorry Maddy.

With love,
Victoria

Hi Victoria and Marilyn, marilyn's email has prompted me to my butt
back on the bb........I am so so sorry..........loved the photo of him
repotting some babies...I am glad he got his wife the yorkie...
HEY V I am a dog owner now...proud beagle owner, or should I say she
owns me! E ME I miss you all!
Caryn