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Lawns & God
LAWNS & GOD GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis |
Lawns & God
Neato post, thanks.
-paghat the ratgirl In article , Bruce Yates wrote: LAWNS & GOD GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there in the USA? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these green rectangles. ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.. They started calling your flowers weeds and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it, sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay? ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS: No, sir -- just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS: Yes, sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stoke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You'd better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis -- "Of what are you afraid, my child?" inquired the kindly teacher. "Oh, sir! The flowers, they are wild," replied the timid creature. -from Peter Newell's "Wild Flowers" See the Garden of Paghat the Ratgirl: http://www.paghat.com/ |
Lawns & God
Bruce Yates wrote in message . ..
LAWNS & GOD [...snipped with regret...] Heh! Lovely post. Any chance anybody'll pay attention? Mike. |
Lawns & God
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Lawns & God
Bush will denounce it, Ashcroft will decide it's a terrorist plot and
Cheney will try to drill through it.... On 17 Jun 2003 10:59:57 -0700, (Mike Lyle) wrote: Bruce Yates wrote in message . .. LAWNS & GOD [...snipped with regret...] Heh! Lovely post. Any chance anybody'll pay attention? Mike. Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern |
Lawns & God
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Lawns & God
On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:02:02 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff
wrote: Well, I paid attention when this anecdote was posted last fall. I saved all my leaves and redistributed them on my patch of lawn. All the grass clippings from spring and summer (those not used in other manner), ditto. It looked like things were working out really well, then . . . my mosquito breeding neighbors (they have a pile of discarded tires, open containers of used motor oil, etc in their asphalted 'yard') complained to TPTB that my yard with its covering of natural much was 'unsightly'. The city thereupon cited me and forced a 'clean-up'. so _this_ year, I applied for and got a "natural preserve" certificate for my yard. I'm growing dandelions, poke, goldenrod, thistles which I didn't even know had a bloom, tons and tons of wild strawberry, the creeping charlie that I worked so hard to limit last year will come back, and I will plant kudzu if I can find any. I'm expecting a morning glory invasion along the perimeter fence and ivy of some kind is starting up their tree in the corner. The new 'flower garden' is pretty and my mower will get a summer vacation this year. Ahh. Vengence is a dish best served cold, don't you think? Well done, well done indeed! Did you think of planting wild mint along the border of your yard, on his side? blinking baby blues innocently Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern |
Lawns & God
On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:35:19 -0400, Dave Fouchey
wrote: On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:02:02 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff wrote: Well, I paid attention when this anecdote was posted last fall. I saved all my leaves and redistributed them on my patch of lawn. All the grass clippings from spring and summer (those not used in other manner), ditto. It looked like things were working out really well, then . . . my mosquito breeding neighbors (they have a pile of discarded tires, open containers of used motor oil, etc in their asphalted 'yard') complained to TPTB that my yard with its covering of natural much was 'unsightly'. The city thereupon cited me and forced a 'clean-up'. so _this_ year, I applied for and got a "natural preserve" certificate for my yard. I'm growing dandelions, poke, goldenrod, thistles which I didn't even know had a bloom, tons and tons of wild strawberry, the creeping charlie that I worked so hard to limit last year will come back, and I will plant kudzu if I can find any. I'm expecting a morning glory invasion along the perimeter fence and ivy of some kind is starting up their tree in the corner. The new 'flower garden' is pretty and my mower will get a summer vacation this year. Ahh. Vengence is a dish best served cold, don't you think? Well done, well done indeed! Did you think of planting wild mint along the border of your yard, on his side? blinking baby blues innocently Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern Actually, I like the wild mint, so I've cultivated it along an inner fence for some time now. BTW, do you hang out on 40 meters? do CW? Bob, KC8HPG |
Lawns & God
On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:53:12 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff
wrote: Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern Actually, I like the wild mint, so I've cultivated it along an inner fence for some time now. BTW, do you hang out on 40 meters? do CW? Bob, KC8HPG 40 and 20 CW and PSK31 & 20 SSB mostly QRP Dave Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern |
Lawns & God
In article ,
Dr. Scratch N. Sniff wrote: On 17 Jun 2003 10:59:57 -0700, (Mike Lyle) wrote: ... and I will plant kudzu if I can find any. And you were doing so good until this. Sorry, there is no justification for planting kudzu in the US. billo |
Lawns & God
On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 21:05:33 -0400, Dave Fouchey wrote:
Bush will denounce it, Ashcroft will decide it's a terrorist plot and Cheney will try to drill through it.... No, Cheney will call his big boys are Halliburton, Brown & Root, and anyone else he's having virtual sex with and give them the contracts to drill through it. |
Lawns & God
Sent this one to everyone I know! LOL!
-- gloria - only the iguanas know for sure |
Lawns & God
On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 23:06:53 -0400, Dave Fouchey
wrote: On Tue, 17 Jun 2003 22:53:12 -0400, Dr. Scratch N. Sniff wrote: Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern Actually, I like the wild mint, so I've cultivated it along an inner fence for some time now. BTW, do you hang out on 40 meters? do CW? Bob, KC8HPG 40 and 20 CW and PSK31 & 20 SSB mostly QRP Dave Dave Fouchey, WA4EMR http://photos.yahoo.com/davefouchey Southeastern Lower Michigan 42° 35' 20'' N, 82° 58' 37'' W GMT Offset: -5 Time Zone: Eastern I hang around 7120, definitely qrp. 10 W max out. Are you in any nets? |
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