I need some grins.

Share your silliest orchid story, true or not! I think we should start with
a repost of Kathy B's "Dark and Stormy Night". How about it Kathy?

Diana

Argh! Alas I do not have a copy of 'Dark and Stormy Night'. Anyone else have
it?

K Barrett

"Diana Kulaga" wrote in message
link.net...
I need some grins.

Share your silliest orchid story, true or not! I think we should start
with
a repost of Kathy B's "Dark and Stormy Night". How about it Kathy?

Diana

"K Barrett" schrieb im Newsbeitrag
news:Shfgb.689232$YN5.547803@sccrnsc01...
Argh! Alas I do not have a copy of 'Dark and Stormy Night'. Anyone else
have
it?

K Barrett

Et voilà...thank the orchid gods for Google Groups!

Death by Coffee.

By Eric Hunt

It was a dark and stormy night. The wind howled, branches scraped against
the siding of the GH, where all was snug, tucked up inside. Or so it seemed.

Down at the cattleya end of the greenhouse a mixed crowd of scale and thrips
were feasting on new buds, burst fresh from their sheaths just that morning.

"That crowd just ruins the neighborhood" remarked a slug as he passed Barney
the Bushsnail crawling along a rhizome. "Always flitting about, their larvae
escaping through drainage holes. I tell you, there ought to be a law."

Barney agreed, however he didn't really feel that way. He just wanted to let
the slug go on its way. "Down to the tray of beer, no doubt." thought
Barney. "Slugs! Ha! They are soooo predictable."

Barney liked to stay snugly hidden amongst fine roots. Away from the sturm
and drang of everyday greenhouse life. Others considered Barney to be almost
a monk, beer never affected him the way it did common slugs and snails. He
was never lured by the wafting odors of metaldehyde. Nope, not Barney! He
learned from other pest's mistakes. Barney had assured himself of a long and
prosperous future by being small, medium colored and investing in Intel at
$6.

Just then, as he was reflecting on his bright future, it happened. At first
he thought a bit of the rain out doors had dripped into the pot whose roots
he was currently feasting on. Moisture! Glorious moisture! He was a lucky
little bushsnail, now wasn't he?! And there was something different about
this moisture. Different from the usual rain. Ah! The aroma! There was a
certain complexity to the acid/tannin balance. "There must be something dead
on the roof." thought Barney. "However its making this water really rather
intriguing. Insouciant! Piquant! And just a hint of vanilla.... ummmmm...
vanilla!" Barney crawled further into the stream, bathing fully in the
waters." Ahh! That's making my skin feel just smooth and slippery all over!
I feel like a whole new me! Forget bo-tox! This skin peel is marvelous!"
Heady with glee Barney kept bathing and bathing. Soon he was joined by other
mollusks. Slugs, snails and other bushsnails all partying up a big time in
the Bulbo section of the greenhouse. Someone started some music playing.
"Summer's here and the time is right, for dancing in the street!"

But then the music screached horribly to a halt.

"What's happening to your face?" a slug screamed at Barney. "Its all melty!
Worse than [gulp] SALT!"

Barney looked around and it was true. They were all melting... melting.
Something was spoiling their horrible wickedness.

"See Kath? Its true." Eric said as he poured some left over espresso blended
with water over the Cirr Elizabeth Ann. "Mollusks just hate the stuff."

The End

K Barrett



---
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Checked by AVG anti-virus system (http://www.grisoft.com).
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I'm not very good at this but here goes:

My orchids sepals are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than it's lips' red:
If snow be white, why then it's petals are dun:
If moss be wires, black wires grow on it's leaves.
I have seen roses damask'd, red and white,
But no such roses see I in it's staminodium;
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my orchid reeks.
I love to see it it bloom, -yet wel I know
That roses hath a far more pleasing look:
I grant I never saw a goddess grow,
My orchid when it grows, treads on the tree;
And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

Thanks to W. Shakespeare for these guidelines

The next is made based on a garden magazine:

Do you want to be happy for a few hours?
Drink some wine.
Do you want to be happy for a few weeks?
Buy a pic.
Do you want to be happy for a few years?
Join in a good marriage.
Do you want to be happy your whole life?
Grow orchids


That all for now
Cheers
Peter


"Diana Kulaga" schreef in bericht
link.net...
I need some grins.

Share your silliest orchid story, true or not! I think we should start
with
a repost of Kathy B's "Dark and Stormy Night". How about it Kathy?

Diana

Et voilà...thank the orchid gods for Google Groups!

Hurray, Reka!

Peter,

Methinks you've written "The Jabberwocky"!

Diana

Okay, here's my contribution:

How Pods Are Formed

Ever wonder how your orchids sometimes develop pods, even though you didn't
pollinate them? On a recent Saturday night, my husband and I learned the
true story.

We were snug and warm inside, when suddenly there came a commotion from the
orchid lanai. At first we thought it might be a wayward raccoon near the
screen, but we soon realized that we were hearing voices and music out
there. A no-good-nik trying to steal our babies, perhaps?? But music? We
had to investigate! With Frank in the lead (my hero!) we crept silently out
to the lanai, and what we found was shocking, I tell you, shocking!

The orchids were having a keg party, using liquid fertilizer and a pump
sprayer to fill in for the keg. The Brassias had used their spidery flowers
to pry open my supply box, and the radio I keep in there was blaring
Dixieland jazz played by Doc Grober on WQCS. V. Miss Joachim waved her
pencil leaves to the music, her flowers imitating Ella Fitzgerald. A big
Bifrenaria hummed in his low, rumbly bass. The Oncidiums had entwined their
spikes and were living up to their nickname, their yellow skirts billowing
as they danced. Assorted Phalaenopsis tried to prove that they, too, had
been properly categorized, attempting to fly like moths, only to realize too
late that they were out of flower. A dozen Dendrobiums linked canes in an
effort to stand upright and failed miserably, the effects of the fertilizer
cocktails all too clear.

And oh, the Cattleyas! Those in bloom were elbowing their way through the
other plants in a bid to get to the front of the benches, drawing howls of
protest from their smaller colleagues. Aliflor and potting rock littered
the benches. Angraecum magdalenae cried, "Watch my buds, you ruffians!", as
Epi. Green Hornet grinned and slurped more Dyna Gro.

Sensing that things were getting out of hand, Den. discolor, by far the
biggest at six feet tall, told the others it was time to wrap it up. Rather
than having a calming effect, this enraged the inebriated collection of
staggering orchids, which began looking for projectiles to hurl. Finding
none, their mood turned still uglier.

Suddenly, Blc. Momilani Rainbow "Gypsy", doubly irritated by her early
blooming, spat pollen at a Cymbidium. There was a split second of silence,
and then all the flowers began to throw pollen, thus beginning the orchid
equivalent of a food fight worthy of "Animal House". Pollen flew through
the air, landing hither and yon; Vandas were hit by Miltonidium pollen,
Beallaria by pollen from Oncidiums, and so it went until the orchids,
exhausted, flopped down and fell into a fertilizer-induced sleep, leaving
their mess for me to clean up in the morning.

A couple of months later, many of the plants developed pods, and there you
have it: pods come from food fights that occur when orchids hit the
fertilizer bottle too hard. The moral of the story: No matter how well you
raise your 'chids', lock the fertilizer cabinet when you leave them alone!

Diana Kulaga

What's jabberwocky.
Cheers
Peter

"Diana Kulaga" schreef in bericht
k.net...
Peter,

Methinks you've written "The Jabberwocky"!

Diana

What's jabberwocky.
Cheers
Peter

"Diana Kulaga" schreef in bericht
k.net...
Peter,

Methinks you've written "The Jabberwocky"!

Diana

On Mon, 06 Oct 2003 20:31:15 GMT, "Diana Kulaga"
wrote:

Okay, here's my contribution:

How Pods Are Formed

Ever wonder how your orchids sometimes develop pods, even though you didn't
pollinate them? On a recent Saturday night, my husband and I learned the
true story.

We were snug and warm inside, when suddenly there came a commotion from the
orchid lanai. At first we thought it might be a wayward raccoon near the
screen, but we soon realized that we were hearing voices and music out
there. A no-good-nik trying to steal our babies, perhaps?? But music? We
had to investigate! With Frank in the lead (my hero!) we crept silently out
to the lanai, and what we found was shocking, I tell you, shocking!

The orchids were having a keg party, using liquid fertilizer and a pump
sprayer to fill in for the keg. The Brassias had used their spidery flowers
to pry open my supply box, and the radio I keep in there was blaring
Dixieland jazz played by Doc Grober on WQCS. V. Miss Joachim waved her
pencil leaves to the music, her flowers imitating Ella Fitzgerald. A big
Bifrenaria hummed in his low, rumbly bass. The Oncidiums had entwined their
spikes and were living up to their nickname, their yellow skirts billowing
as they danced. Assorted Phalaenopsis tried to prove that they, too, had
been properly categorized, attempting to fly like moths, only to realize too
late that they were out of flower. A dozen Dendrobiums linked canes in an
effort to stand upright and failed miserably, the effects of the fertilizer
cocktails all too clear.

And oh, the Cattleyas! Those in bloom were elbowing their way through the
other plants in a bid to get to the front of the benches, drawing howls of
protest from their smaller colleagues. Aliflor and potting rock littered
the benches. Angraecum magdalenae cried, "Watch my buds, you ruffians!", as
Epi. Green Hornet grinned and slurped more Dyna Gro.

Sensing that things were getting out of hand, Den. discolor, by far the
biggest at six feet tall, told the others it was time to wrap it up. Rather
than having a calming effect, this enraged the inebriated collection of
staggering orchids, which began looking for projectiles to hurl. Finding
none, their mood turned still uglier.

Suddenly, Blc. Momilani Rainbow "Gypsy", doubly irritated by her early
blooming, spat pollen at a Cymbidium. There was a split second of silence,
and then all the flowers began to throw pollen, thus beginning the orchid
equivalent of a food fight worthy of "Animal House". Pollen flew through
the air, landing hither and yon; Vandas were hit by Miltonidium pollen,
Beallaria by pollen from Oncidiums, and so it went until the orchids,
exhausted, flopped down and fell into a fertilizer-induced sleep, leaving
their mess for me to clean up in the morning.

A couple of months later, many of the plants developed pods, and there you
have it: pods come from food fights that occur when orchids hit the
fertilizer bottle too hard. The moral of the story: No matter how well you
raise your 'chids', lock the fertilizer cabinet when you leave them alone!

Diana Kulaga


Too Much!
SuE
http://orchids.legolas.org/gallery/albums.php

What's jabberwocky.

"Twas brillig"............... It's a poem written by Lewis Carroll, from
"Through the Looking Glass" (Alice in Wonderland). Jabberwocky has taken on
the meaning of 'silly speech'. I loved your post. Here's a link to Lewis
Carroll's 'Jabberwocky':

http://www.jabberwocky.com/carroll/j...bberwocky.html

Diana