The message
from (Nick Maclaren) contains these words:
In article , Jaques
d'Alltrades writes:

| The message
| from martin contains these words:
|
| On the web there is a report about somebody who is no more after he
| refilled a paraffin refrigerator with petrol.
|
| On the web there is a report of someone else he is no more after fitting
| his car with a JATO bottle and setting it off on a long, straight piece
| of road.
|
| But it's fiction.
|
| Though amusing.

Yes. The stories about people blowing themselves up by putting
petrol into paraffin equipment are not fiction, though. Not at
all.

Don't I know it! When I was about thirteen I bought a little petrol
stove from a sort-of early version of those cheapo goods shops you see
about now.

I took it down the garden and filled it as per destructions, and lit the
dribble of petrol in the reservoir on the top. The flame began to roar
in a most satisfactory manner, but I became alarmed as it reached
further and further out beyond the billycan I'd put on it.

I retreated. A few minutes later there was a loud *BANG*!, a
considerable pillar of flame, and the billy (with a couple of pints of
water in it) was hurled about ten feet away on a rainbow trajectory.

Now that was not even a paraffin stove. Well, after that it wasn't even
a petrol stove. The body of it was opened up like a flower, and I never
found the burner assembly.

--
Rusty
Emus to: horrid dot squeak snailything zetnet point co full-stop uk
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The message
from (Nick Maclaren) contains these words:

[*] As many authors have pointed out, the inside of ancient and
well-cluttered storage units, such as sheds and wardrobes, tends
to attach itself to other universes. Nobody knows why. This is
why things disappear and strange things appear in such units, and
accounts for the postings on uk.rec.sheds.

It's all down to wormholes in the space-time continuum, string theory,
quondam mechanics, pork pies, brown ale, tobacco tins and what's down
the back of (Bob's sofa.

--
Rusty
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The message
from "Ali Hopkins" contains these words:

And sometimes, posters drift in and out too.... I was here at the dawn of
urs and voted for it, too. Then, RL got heck tick. But I like it here, so
I'll waft across now and then.

There'll always be a PP and a BA for you, and if we can find them,
biccies - oh, and a nice comfy sack of hardened cement to sit on.

But mind that nail on your cardy...

Never mind, there's a darned neegle and some wool somewhere in one of
those tobacco tins.

--
Rusty
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The message
from Guy King contains these words:
The message
from (Nick Maclaren) contains these words:

[*] As many authors have pointed out, the inside of ancient and
well-cluttered storage units, such as sheds and wardrobes, tends
to attach itself to other universes. Nobody knows why. This is
why things disappear and strange things appear in such units, and
accounts for the postings on uk.rec.sheds.

It also explains why the transitional imago stage between the embyryonic
paperclip and the adult coathanger is never seen - it occurs in another
fold. Ontological evidence suggests the "missing" stage looks like a
teaspoon, which accounts for where all the teaspoons go. They're only
here fleetingly from some other part of the manifold, and return to
their home when fully fledged.

Oh, and I alwys gooved it was because they got their just desserts.

--
Rusty
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The message
from (Richard Bos) contains these words:

It also explains why the transitional imago stage between the embyryonic
paperclip and the adult coathanger is never seen - it occurs in another
fold. Ontological evidence suggests the "missing" stage looks like a
teaspoon, which accounts for where all the teaspoons go.

No, we already know where teaspoons go. They migrate to cupboards
belonging to people like me, who don't take sugar in their tea.

Please explain then, why i can never find a teaspoon? I don't take sugar
in tea, cocoa, etc (and don't drink coughy) and use very little in
anything else. (Except when I'm winemolishing, in which case I tend to
hfr a shovel.)

--
Rusty
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The message
from (WaltA) contains these words:
On 23 Aug 2005 09:38:48 GMT, (Nick Maclaren) wrote:

Now, THAT'S unfair! I must stand up for the sheddies here.

Here ? Amongst us, now ?
shed

/thrip/

Oh yes, you've bean well and truly infiltered, and now we're here in farce.

--
Rusty
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In article ,
says...

Sorry - I have been plagued with red bridal satin today.

Is that a devilishly original bride, or togs for some other member of
the party?

--

Krane

karen at lesbiangardens dot net

The message
from (WaltA) contains these words:

On 23 Aug 2005 09:38:48 GMT, (Nick Maclaren) wrote:
In article ,
martin writes:
| On 23 Aug 2005 08:46:07 GMT, (Nick Maclaren) wrote:
| | This is getting really weird.
| Nah. Try uk.rec.sheds.
| Pervert! :-)

Now, THAT'S unfair! I must stand up for the sheddies here.

Here ? Amongst us, now ?
shed
Can the minister explain how this was allowed to happen,
where were our border patrols?
Inside some huts drinking tea perhaps ? Consuming wild mushrooms
gathered from their gardens and compost heaps ?

Much more likely to be consuming tea and biccies, or PPs and BA.

What does the minister propose to do to rectify this situation.
I propose that he should immediately begin a program of super-shed
building to contain these miscreants.
In light of this dreadful dereliction of duty the minister should
consider his position !

This is the Shed's annual charabangbangbangbang outing. Usually we go to
uk.rec.motorcycles for a touch of culture, but it seems there's been a
change of plan this year.

They
aren't perverted, but are such independent thinkers that they have
little direct contact with the real world[*] or even uk.rec.gardening.

[*] As many authors have pointed out, the inside of ancient and
well-cluttered storage units, such as sheds and wardrobes, tends
to attach itself to other universes. Nobody knows why.

*WE* know why, but it is forbidden to diverge the secret.

Mass, that is why. An excess of mass. Eventually so much mass
accumulates that a black hole is formed and the shed collapses in upon
itself. If the last item added was not aimed directly into the centre,
but entered with some angular momentum, then a rotating black hole
will be formed which will then reappear (*) at any time (past or
future) at any place in any universe.
(*) as a white hole after losing some mass by Hawking radiation.

Some poor souls have even tried to use this as a worm-hole to other
places and times by incorporating an extra door in the shed and
attempting to traverse the shed-hole within its Schwarzschild radius.
This inevitably ends in tears.
/shed

This is
why things disappear and strange things appear in such units, and
accounts for the postings on uk.rec.sheds.

Hmmmm. I goove we need to kidnap this one and keep him to play with - he
has dangerous depths of esoteric nollij. Sort-of like a riddle within a
miss tree within an enema, all behind a screen of red checky curtings.

--
Rusty
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The message
from (WaltA) contains these words:

On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 08:49:42 +0100, Jaques d'Alltrades wrote:
Oh drool. You'll have me weeping into my beer soon, stoppit :-)
I also had an AJS 990 cc (?) Vee-twin side-valve for a while.

BSA Bantam Bushman 125cc(??)

I has a rigid D1 Bantam called Worrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. You kicked it into
life, and opened the throttle, and Worrrrrrrrrrr - it died.

1947 Hilman Minx sidevalve (capacity unremembered!)

Slightly later Mk1 Jag, and Riley Pathfinder...

delete
Note to self - dont tell him about the Triumph Cub.
/delete

Not a bad little bike. In return, I won't mention the TSX...

--
Rusty
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The message
from (WaltA) contains these words:

The cub was my first and last Triumph.
I got a Comet after that.

I had a Trophy for a while, but disliked the vibro-massage. I think I
got an Ariel Red Hunter after that.

--
Rusty
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On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 19:15:30 +0100, Bernard Peek
wrote:

In message , Ali Hopkins
writes

Hiya. Are you well?

Well,....

Apart from recently being declared a diabetic I'm OK. Or, as the
Digestive said to the Rich Tea -- mustn't crumble.

I've just been declared a diuretic but I reckon someone's taking the
p.....
--
.--~~,__
:-....,-------`~~'._.'
`-,,, ,_ ;'~U'
_,-' ,'`-__; '--.
(_/'~~ ''''(;

The message
from "Mike Lyle" contains these words:

No, it's a divided-by-a-common-language thing. Brit laymen use the
word "paraffin" for _kerosene_. Not as bad (from our pov) as the
French, who call it "pétrole"!

Ah, but they call petrol 'essence', which might be disastrous in a big
cake in a hot oven innit.

--
Rusty
Emus to: horrid dot squeak snailything zetnet point co full-stop uk
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The message
from "Mike Lyle" contains these words:

Over on alt.usage.english, it's spawned a whole range of derivatives,
including (hyphens are included or not according to house style):
Right-pond
Left-pond
Else-pond
Other-pond
Trans-pond
all of which lead to the expected forms with -ial, -ian, and -iality.
There are also _pondial_ and _pondiality_. I believe I was myself
responsible for the divergent adjectival form referring to Oceania,
_Antipondean_.

Since we often refer to South Africa, I am about to introduce _up-_
and _down-pond_ -- also, perhaps, confections of my own.

Something to ponder upon, I suppose, and for you to respond?.

--
Rusty
Emus to: horrid dot squeak snailything zetnet point co full-stop uk
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On Tue, 23 Aug 2005 19:56:13 +0100, Jaques d'Alltrades wrote:
miss tree within an enema, all behind a screen of red checky curtings.

shhh!
keep your ulgar enema variations to yourself
and no airing of yer G string neither, behave,
there are ladies about
erm I think ?

Guy King wrote:

Bring on the sonic screwdriver.

Mine's a pint.

Your round.

So are you, yer fat abstrad.

FX Badoom tish!/FX