From Diary of a Mad Gardener

http://www.gardenhumour.com
Carpe rutila

October 8

This is a big day for me. I’m expecting an important shipment this
morning—everything I’ll need to take part in a worm habitat study.

I like worms. In fact, I love worms, and I consider my garden a worm
sanctuary. I provide them with lots of compost, I rescue them from
feathered poachers, and I shun all chemicals. I am a worm activist and
will do anything in my power to defend these poor souls. Why, whenever I
see the toxic chemical tanker on my street, I clench my jaw and frown at
the operator until he hangs his head in shame. I admit it isn’t quite as
effective as glaring, but I had to stop that after he glared back and
pointed his sprayer at my daffodils.

Worms need our help. They perform a crucial role in the ecology of this
planet, yet not only are they sliced and severed daily, their
fundamental rights are trampled upon. The world needs worms! WORMS NEED
OUR PROTECTION! WORMS MUST LIVE! SAVE THE WORMS! Oops, my soapbox is a
bit wobbly.

So, given my position, I felt honoured when I received an email from a
prestigious horticultural college inviting me to participate in an
important environmental research project. I leapt at the chance and
applied immediately. They sent back my preliminary instructions right
away, and I’ve been following them to the letter.

First thing I had to do was collect a number of sample worms in very
specific sizes. I was provided with a long list of precise dimensions—in
millimetres (it would have been a lot easier by the pound). I’m only
partly converted, so I played it safe and measured in feet and inches.

Collecting the worms was easy, especially after all the rain. The
measuring bit was another story—ever tried to measure a worm? They keep
changing size! It was one of the toughest jobs I’ve ever had, but I
managed, even if I had to stretch some of the data to meet the criteria
(gosh I’m even talking like a scientist).
The worms are in the garage now, in a pail of damp peat moss. I’m not
supposed to feed them or it will throw off the experiment, but I must
confess, I felt kinda sorry for them and tossed in the broccoli that one
of the diblets wouldn’t eat at supper.

This is so exciting. To think, yesterday I was running around in the
rain, stark naked, and today, thanks to the World Wide Web, I’m a
budding scientist. And I only had to send them $14.95.

October 9

This is so frustrating. I still haven’t received my lab supplies, which
is bad enough, but one of the diblets assumed the pail of peat moss and
broccoli in the garage was for the compost heap and dumped it for me.
Luckily, I managed to find most of the worms before they got too far,
although I did have a bit of trouble sorting out which worms were my
study worms and which worms were wild ones. I had to turn the compost
pile three times before I tracked them all down. I haven’t bothered
measuring them again as I’m sure I have the right ones. To make certain
it doesn’t happen again I’ve put a sign on the pail—LAB WORMS. I’ve also
emailed the horticultural college and told them to hurry things along;
otherwise I can’t guarantee the accuracy of the experiment—whatever it is.

October 10

Thank goodness! I’ve received my equipment and now I can get on with the
experiment. Of course, I’m only a tiny part of it: there must be
thousands of other contributors all over the country, all opening their
little packages and preparing to begin this amazing study. However, I
must admit I was a bit disappointed when I opened my package. I was
expecting high tech lab equipment and wasn’t impressed with the contents
until I read the little note that was included. It thanked me profusely
for participating and explained how many amazing scientific experiments
are carried out using ordinary everyday household materials. Wow! I
thought. Who’d believe tags from bread bags would be put to this kind of
use—amazing.

The instructions went on to say that my role is crucial to the
experiment. I’m to mark each tag Worm I, Worm 2, etc., then attach one
to each worm—all twenty-seven of them. After I have them tagged—guess
what? I release them. That’s it! I’m tagging and releasing worms. All I
have to do is watch and see if any turn up in my garden next spring,
then file a report to the college. This is so exciting. I’m going to
have a busy Thanksgiving holiday.

October 11

I don’t think I’m cut out to be a scientist. I’m far too sensitive and
don’t have the necessary objectivity to carry out experiments using live
creatures.

Far as I’m concerned the whole thing was doomed from the start. I would
have thought whoever designed this experiment would have had some
familiarity with worms. The bread tags were useless, except on some of
the big ones; the smaller worms were able to squirm out easily. I did
try to improvise by using twist ties to attach the tags. They were far
more effective, except I’m afraid I over-twisted a couple, which was
disconcerting to say the least. It was at this point I began to have
doubts about my participation in what appeared to be a badly planned
experiment. The poor worms looked pathetic, squirming around with tags
trailing behind them. Still, I deposited them around the yard as
instructed, even though my heart was no longer in it.

I’m not sure if I can describe what happened next. It was so horrible.
As soon as I turned the worms loose the poor things tried to crawl back
into the soil, but they couldn’t because of the stupid tags. It was
heartbreaking to watch. There they were, half in the ground and half
out, and the half out was wriggling like crazy.

It gave a whole new meaning to fatal attraction. A flock of birds
spotted them and zoomed in. I yelled at them to stop but it was too
late. I only had time to rescue a handful. It was like seagulls and
spilled fries at the beach. Carnage! I immediately emailed the
horticultural college to complain, but all I got back was a note saying
they’d be happy to provide the results of the study for a further
$14.95. I’ve a good mind to go round and glare at them.

when i logged on and saw this i thought omg this will get the gang going....and you did nt let me down !!!!

I registered a few days ago to ask this serious question, I thought everybody would be as interested as me in killing the worms in there lawns. The worm casts they produce look a right mess. Several of you are telling me to brush the worm cast out with a broom, but how do you do this when this time of the year they are just wet mud. Am I supposed to dry them out first with a hair dryer and them brush them out. I have managed to remove alot of the worms from my lawn by watering it with water with washing up liquid in it, they always come to the surface when I do this (think the soap gets in there eyes) and I can dispose of them, however I could do this every week and get over a hundred every time. What I need is a product that will kill the worm eggs. I know Carbaryl would do the job but you cant buy it anymore, but I have just found out that dog flea shampoo contains a percentage of carbaryl so im going to try that this week, I know it will bring the worms up the same as washing up liquid and I am hoping the small percentage of carbaryl will kill the worm eggs.
I will let you know if this is a succesful way of getting rid of worms as I am sure some of you may want to try it.

If you think the problem is that bad, you have no choice but to hook up your
old pickup truck to your mobile home and move to another trailer park.

Everybody else has learned to live with the little wrigglers and have gone
fishing!!!


"motorhomes4sale" wrote in
message ...

Eyebright Wrote:
when i logged on and saw this i thought omg this will get the gang
going....and you did nt let me down !!!!

I registered a few days ago to ask this serious question, I thought
everybody would be as interested as me in killing the worms in there
lawns. The worm casts they produce look a right mess. Several of you
are telling me to brush the worm cast out with a broom, but how do you
do this when this time of the year they are just wet mud. Am I supposed
to dry them out first with a hair dryer and them brush them out. I have
managed to remove alot of the worms from my lawn by watering it with
water with washing up liquid in it, they always come to the surface
when I do this (think the soap gets in there eyes) and I can dispose of
them, however I could do this every week and get over a hundred every
time. What I need is a product that will kill the worm eggs. I know
Carbaryl would do the job but you cant buy it anymore, but I have just
found out that dog flea shampoo contains a percentage of carbaryl so im
going to try that this week, I know it will bring the worms up the same
as washing up liquid and I am hoping the small percentage of carbaryl
will kill the worm eggs.
I will let you know if this is a succesful way of getting rid of worms
as I am sure some of you may want to try it.


--
motorhomes4sale

I think this will solve your problem once and for all:

http://www.tigerturf.co.uk/home.htm

Can the worms not come up through this and still make there messy casts on the Astro turf ?
If they cant come up through the artificial turf for a breath of fresh air then surely this would be cruel, now you dont realy want be cruel to worms do you.

If that's a serious question, the answer is no; they won't like it under there and they'll move out into your flower beds.

er...sorry, wasn't it you who wanted to poison them all?

dont kill them they do good!

I cant believe that our of over 30 replies no one knows how to get rid of these dam worms.

"motorhomes4sale" wrote in
message ...

I cant believe that our of over 30 replies no one knows how to get rid
of these dam worms.

Import a few moles into your garden...that will do the trick

why would you want to kill the earthworms in your lawn? They aerate and
feed it............a sign of a healthy lawn are worms!

nice to see you stephen. missed you the past year or two

naearthmom

Go away, you worm.


"motorhomes4sale" wrote in
message ...

I cant believe that our of over 30 replies no one knows how to get rid
of these dam worms.


--
motorhomes4sale

motorhomes4sale wrote:
I cant believe that our of over 30 replies no one knows how to get rid
of these dam worms.

I can't believe that you've read 30 replies all telling you that worms are
good and not to be killed, and you're still trying to get rid of them.

"Sally Holmes" wrote:

I can't believe that you've read 30 replies all telling you that worms are
good and not to be killed, and you're still trying to get rid of them.


Several replies did indeed say how to kill worms, along with explaining why
it was a Really Bad Idea. The fact that the OP ignores this and continues
to complain confirms my original "under the bridge menacing Billy Goat
Gruff" hypothesis.


Gary Woods AKA K2AHC- PGP key on request, or at home.earthlink.net/~garygarlic
Zone 5/6 in upstate New York, 1420' elevation. NY WO G

A good question if your lawn gets a lot of shade. I have the same problem. Indeed, you have to let them dry out some before you can sweep 'em successfully. Tricky in high-dew days of autumn.

The RHS "Encyclopedia Of Gardnening" says

* The casts NEED to be removed since they provide a site for airborne weed-seeds to germinate in.
* "Disperse by brushing. If numerous, apply carbaryl when the soil is warm & damp"

You rest your case.