Hello everyone,

Sorry I've been absent for a while. RG and I have been travelling to and
from Yorkshire (where my father lived)since the beginning of March.
Sadly, my dear father died on Sunday, 11th April after a long illness.
His funeral was on the the 21st. It has been very hard to see him
suffer, and harder still to deal with his death. He was hugely important
to me; my hero and mentor, as well as an adored father.

I am currently trying to catch up with post-funeral correspondence,
domestic and gardening jobs, but finding it rather overwhelming. I now
occasionally lurk, and certainly hope to return before too long.

Enjoy gardening in this lovely spring weather.
--
Spider

"Spider" wrote ...

Sorry I've been absent for a while. RG and I have been travelling to and
from Yorkshire (where my father lived)since the beginning of March. Sadly,
my dear father died on Sunday, 11th April after a long illness. His
funeral was on the the 21st. It has been very hard to see him suffer, and
harder still to deal with his death. He was hugely important to me; my
hero and mentor, as well as an adored father.

I am currently trying to catch up with post-funeral correspondence,
domestic and gardening jobs, but finding it rather overwhelming. I now
occasionally lurk, and certainly hope to return before too long.

Enjoy gardening in this lovely spring weather.

We have all been (or will be) there too so you are not alone.
Best wishes, time is a great healer.
Obtaining Probate or Letters of Administration can be a long winded and
frustrating experience but having done it a number of times it does get
easier if you just work away methodically and ignore the amount of time it's
taking. Even more frustrating if you use a Solicitor!

--
Regards
Bob Hobden
W.of London. UK

"Spider" wrote in message
...
Hello everyone,

Sorry I've been absent for a while. RG and I have been travelling to and
from Yorkshire (where my father lived)since the beginning of March. Sadly,
my dear father died on Sunday, 11th April after a long illness. His
funeral was on the the 21st. It has been very hard to see him suffer, and
harder still to deal with his death. He was hugely important to me; my
hero and mentor, as well as an adored father.

Sorry to read your news Spider. I know what it feels like as I went through
the same thing with my Dad two years ago. His final illness was short, but
he had six months of heartbreak after Mum died. Blessings to you and your
family. Good gardening.

--
Kathy

On 26/04/2010 18:06, Sacha wrote:
On 2010-04-26 17:21:59 +0100, Spider said:

Hello everyone,

Sorry I've been absent for a while. RG and I have been travelling to
and from Yorkshire (where my father lived)since the beginning of
March. Sadly, my dear father died on Sunday, 11th April after a long
illness. His funeral was on the the 21st. It has been very hard to see
him suffer, and harder still to deal with his death. He was hugely
important to me; my hero and mentor, as well as an adored father.

I am currently trying to catch up with post-funeral correspondence,
domestic and gardening jobs, but finding it rather overwhelming. I now
occasionally lurk, and certainly hope to return before too long.

Enjoy gardening in this lovely spring weather.

I'm very sorry to hear all this, Spider. I did wonder where you'd got to
and am so sorry to hear that you were absent for a sad reason like this.
I'd hoped you might be off on a wonderful holiday. I hope your lovely
memories are a consolation to you in time to come.


--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay


Thank you, Sacha. Yes, there are some good memories to draw on,
although they're still mingled with the sad ones just now. Thankfully,
I can still laugh at some of the things he said or did, and I have his
letters and everything he taught me.

As to that holiday .. well, we have a very pleasant week arranged in a
few weeks, and it will be good to get away and have a complete rest.

Spider

On 26/04/2010 22:42, Bob Hobden wrote:


"Spider" wrote ...

Sorry I've been absent for a while. RG and I have been travelling to
and from Yorkshire (where my father lived)since the beginning of
March. Sadly, my dear father died on Sunday, 11th April after a long
illness. His funeral was on the the 21st. It has been very hard to see
him suffer, and harder still to deal with his death. He was hugely
important to me; my hero and mentor, as well as an adored father.

I am currently trying to catch up with post-funeral correspondence,
domestic and gardening jobs, but finding it rather overwhelming. I now
occasionally lurk, and certainly hope to return before too long.

Enjoy gardening in this lovely spring weather.

We have all been (or will be) there too so you are not alone.
Best wishes, time is a great healer.

Obtaining Probate or Letters of Administration can be a long winded and
frustrating experience but having done it a number of times it does get
easier if you just work away methodically and ignore the amount of time
it's taking. Even more frustrating if you use a Solicitor!


Thank you, Bob. I know you're right about the time thing, and I'm just
taking it gently at the moment.

Mmmm. Thanks for the warning, but we're obliged to use my father's
solicitor as executor, firstly because we're so far away and, secondly,
because we're aware of two family members who may make diy management
fraught with unworthy expectations. We want to avoid any unpleasant
accusations. We will, of course, keep a somewhat remote eye on
proceedings up't'north. Nevertheless, we still have peripheral
paperwork and many thank yous for everyone's kindness. Family and
friends have been so supportive.
Thanks once again.

--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay

On 26/04/2010 23:07, Kathy McIntosh wrote:
"Spider" wrote in message
...
Hello everyone,

Sorry I've been absent for a while. RG and I have been travelling to
and from Yorkshire (where my father lived)since the beginning of
March. Sadly, my dear father died on Sunday, 11th April after a long
illness. His funeral was on the the 21st. It has been very hard to see
him suffer, and harder still to deal with his death. He was hugely
important to me; my hero and mentor, as well as an adored father.

Sorry to read your news Spider. I know what it feels like as I went
through the same thing with my Dad two years ago. His final illness was
short, but he had six months of heartbreak after Mum died. Blessings to
you and your family. Good gardening.



Thank you, Kathy. Sorry to hear about your parents, too. Their deaths
were so close together, you must have had a horrendous time. It's never
easy, is it?, but somehow we carry on.

Thankfully, my father guided me into gardening and a love of natural
history (among other things), so I feel close to him in my garden. Just
as well, really; I've got oodles to catch up with. Since the weather is
so inviting, I'm off to grimace at a few weeds.

--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay

"Spider" wrote in message
...
Since the weather is
so inviting, I'm off to grimace at a few weeds.

How do you make that work? When I grimace at mine they just grimace back and
grow bigger!

--
Kathy

On Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:50:22 +0100, Kathy McIntosh
wrote:

"Spider" wrote in message
...
Since the weather is
so inviting, I'm off to grimace at a few weeds.

How do you make that work? When I grimace at mine they just grimace back
and grow bigger!


You haven't seen her grimace!
..
..
..
..
Oh dear - no dinner for me tonight...

On 27/04/2010 23:50, Kathy McIntosh wrote:
"Spider" wrote in message
...
Since the weather is
so inviting, I'm off to grimace at a few weeds.

How do you make that work? When I grimace at mine they just grimace back
and grow bigger!



:~))! If grimacing fails, I work my way up through glowering to the
withering look. Woe betide any weed that doesn't succumb to that. Woe
comes in a handy little bottle.


--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay

On 28/04/2010 18:15, RG wrote:
On Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:50:22 +0100, Kathy McIntosh
wrote:

"Spider" wrote in message
...
Since the weather is
so inviting, I'm off to grimace at a few weeds.

How do you make that work? When I grimace at mine they just grimace
back and grow bigger!


You haven't seen her grimace!
.
.
.
.
Oh dear - no dinner for me tonight...


That's all right, dear. Your dinner comes from a handy little bottle
(see my reply to Kathy)

--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay

On 28/04/2010 23:09, Sacha wrote:
On 2010-04-28 18:15:06 +0100, RG said:

On Tue, 27 Apr 2010 23:50:22 +0100, Kathy McIntosh
wrote:

"Spider" wrote in message
...
Since the weather is
so inviting, I'm off to grimace at a few weeds.

How do you make that work? When I grimace at mine they just grimace
back and grow bigger!


You haven't seen her grimace!
.
.
.
.
Oh dear - no dinner for me tonight...

You're a weed? ;-) I think not!



You know, Sacha, I'd never noticed weediness about him before. Now,
where did I put that grimace ...

--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay

In article , Kathy McIntosh
writes
Sorry to read your news Spider. I know what it feels like as I went
through the same thing with my Dad two years ago. His final illness
was short, but he had six months of heartbreak after Mum died.
Blessings to you and your family. Good gardening.

Same here, Spider,
After Tom died a year ago the garden seemed to lose half its soul if
you know what i mean. Difficult to get motivated to do anything in it
even though it was me that did the gardening an he just appreciated it!

Not sure there's an answer to the feelings, just have to keep going, one
season at a time

Janet

--
Janet Tweedy
Dalmatian Telegraph
http://www.lancedal.demon.co.uk

On 01/05/2010 11:59, Janet Tweedy wrote:
In article , Kathy McIntosh
writes
Sorry to read your news Spider. I know what it feels like as I went
through the same thing with my Dad two years ago. His final illness
was short, but he had six months of heartbreak after Mum died.
Blessings to you and your family. Good gardening.

Same here, Spider,
After Tom died a year ago the garden seemed to lose half its soul if you
know what i mean. Difficult to get motivated to do anything in it even
though it was me that did the gardening an he just appreciated it!

Not sure there's an answer to the feelings, just have to keep going, one
season at a time

Janet


Thank you, Janet. Yes, I know just what you mean about the garden
losing half its soul. It's a wierd feeling. I don't think we realise,
sometimes, just how much we plant and tweak our gardens for that other
person's pleasure, just as you understood that your Tom appreciated your
efforts in the garden. When they're not there to share it anymore, the
pleasure goes and the tasks seem hollow.

I'm very lucky; I've still got my dearest RG to share the garden with
and that helps a lot, but I still feel as if a huge part of me has been
ripped away. It's going to take a long time to heal that pain, but I do
want to keep improving the garden and, in time, plant a tree in memory
of my father. As you say, we have to keep going.

Take care and enjoy your garden as much as you can. They say that
gardening is the only hobby where, if someone crept up on you they'd
catch you smiling :~). Interestingly, gardening and smiling are both
considered to be good for you.

All the best,

--
Spider
from high ground in SE London
gardening on clay