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Old 23-12-2011, 01:26 PM posted to uk.rec.gardening
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First recorded activity by GardenBanter: Jan 2009
Posts: 3,959
Default Just a little warning to those who have a spirit at Christmas

All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh,
going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk
Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for
members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is
appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where
there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be
obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request
that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise
nuisance. Benches, stools and orthopedic chairs are now available for
collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at
night.

While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV
cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this
facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to
account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the Lord is additionally
reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm
that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to
account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of
Glory. Following last years well-publicised case, everyone is advised that
Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the
redness of any part of Mr. R Reindeer.

Further to this, exclusion of Mr. R Reindeer from reindeer games will be
considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against
those found guilty of this offence. While it is acknowledged that gift
bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the
Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to
Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies
regardless of the individual, even royal personages. It is particularly
noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded,
while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic
resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent instance of the infant found tucked up in a manger
without any crib for a bed, Social Services have been advised and will be
arriving shortly.

Merry Christmas everyone

Mike

--

....................................

I'm an Angel, honest ! The horns are there just to keep the halo straight.

....................................





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