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Old 10-06-2005, 01:42 PM
Mike
 
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Default Don't open if you don't want a bit of a laugh

Sorry for bringing humour to you all


I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.


This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its employees
in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer
peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The
engineers rolled on the floor!

Especially note the last couple of sentences.




Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a
ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement
Units).

Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse
balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls

..

Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the
mouse.

Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are
replaced by using the twist-off method.



Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling
can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.



It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction.

Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge
of removing and replacing these necessary items.



Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an
unhappy customer.


Mike

--
National Service (RAF) Ass. Cosford 24 - 27 June Spitfire Fly Past
H.M.S.Impregnable Ass. Sussex 1 - 4 July Visit to Int. Fest of the Sea
RAF Regiment Assoc. Scarborough 2 - 5 Sept. Visit to Eden Camp
H.M.S.Collingwood Assn Trafalgar Dinner. Coventry October 21 - 24



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Old 10-06-2005, 03:51 PM
Gary Woods
 
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"Mike" wrote:

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.


They didn't. It was a gag memo circulated many, many years ago.
Now many mice don't even have balls.
Tragic.


Gary Woods AKA K2AHC- PGP key on request, or at home.earthlink.net/~garygarlic
Zone 5/6 in upstate New York, 1420' elevation. NY WO G
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Old 10-06-2005, 04:25 PM
Martin Brown
 
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Gary Woods wrote:
"Mike" wrote:

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.


They didn't. It was a gag memo circulated many, many years ago.
Now many mice don't even have balls.
Tragic.


Indeed. IBM official documents would never use short words like "spare
mouse balls" when a much longer and more convoluted name could be
foisted on the world.

Replacement Spheroidal Elastomeric Pointing Device Component or RSEPDC
for short. That would be much more plausible IBM speak...

To be authentic the official acronym must be at least as long as the
short word it replaces and totally unpronouncable.

Regards,
Martin Brown
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Old 10-06-2005, 05:16 PM
Gary Woods
 
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Martin Brown wrote:

Replacement Spheroidal Elastomeric Pointing Device Component or RSEPDC
for short. That would be much more plausible IBM speak...


I have a theory that the larger a corporation, the more it resembles the
military....
My favorite, veering even farther off-topic, was the Signetics
Semiconductor data sheet for a "write only memory."
Had the usual reliability test data, including "number of pins remaining
vs. number of socket insertions."

Consider yourselves lucky over the In (new) York in the northeastern
American colonies, it's 82F with so much humidity you can see and feel the
air. I'm in "sprint" mode- go out and plant something, come back in and
drink a bunch of water.

Cheers!


Gary Woods AKA K2AHC- PGP key on request, or at home.earthlink.net/~garygarlic
Zone 5/6 in upstate New York, 1420' elevation. NY WO G
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Old 10-06-2005, 05:47 PM
Mike
 
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To be authentic the official acronym must be at least as long as the
short word it replaces and totally unpronouncable.

Regards,
Martin Brown


Rather like 'Refuse Disposal Officer' for "Dustman" ???????

Mike

--
National Service (RAF) Ass. Cosford 24 - 27 June Spitfire Fly Past
H.M.S.Impregnable Ass. Sussex 1 - 4 July Visit to Int. Fest of the Sea
RAF Regiment Assoc. Scarborough 2 - 5 Sept. Visit to Eden Camp
H.M.S.Collingwood Assn Trafalgar Dinner. Coventry October 21 - 24




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Old 10-06-2005, 05:50 PM
Mike
 
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I'm in "sprint" mode- go out and plant something, come back in and
drink a bunch of water.

Cheers!



Only water? With the Sun over 'the next door neighbour's shed roof' ?

You let me down :-((

No use inviting you round for sippers

Mike


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Old 10-06-2005, 05:55 PM
Klara
 
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In message , Gary Woods
writes
Consider yourselves lucky over the In (new) York in the
northeastern American colonies, it's 82F with so much humidity you can
see and feel the air. I'm in "sprint" mode- go out and plant
something, come back in and drink a bunch of water.


Now you're making me homesick ....
--
Klara, Gatwick basin
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Old 10-06-2005, 11:35 PM
Ceri Davies
 
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On 2005-06-10, Gary Woods wrote:

Now many mice don't even have balls.
Tragic.


I find it more interesting that an increasing number don't even have
"tails", destroying the mouse analogy utterly. A new word is required;
suggestions on the back of a postcard...

Ceri
--
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm
not sure about the former. -- Einstein (attrib.)
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Old 11-06-2005, 01:30 PM
Duncan Heenan
 
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"Mike" wrote in message
...

snip


National Service (RAF) Ass. Cosford 24 - 27 June Spitfire Fly Past
H.M.S.Impregnable Ass. Sussex 1 - 4 July Visit to Int. Fest of the Sea
RAF Regiment Assoc. Scarborough 2 - 5 Sept. Visit to Eden Camp
H.M.S.Collingwood Assn Trafalgar Dinner. Coventry October 21 - 24


Isn't this rather like telling the burglars when to call?
However, I expect the neighbours will be house sitting.


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Old 11-06-2005, 02:10 PM
Phil L
 
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Mike wrote:
:: Sorry for bringing humour to you all
::
::
:: I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.
::
::
:: This was a real memo sent out by a computer company (IBM) to its
:: employees in all seriousness.

Sadly not true, the memo is but the seriousness isn't:

The IBM "mouse balls" memo is one of the oldest bits of Internet jokelore.
Examples of it show up in USENET archives as far back as 1989, and scarcely
anyone who had an e-mail address back then escaped without receiving this in
his inbox more than once, which certainly drops it into the long-beard
category with a loud thud.

Was this a real memo? "Real" in the sense that someone at IBM actually wrote
it and distributed it to field service techs, perhaps, but it was always
intended as an occupational in-joke; it wasn't a "serious" memo that some
hapless supervisor inadvertently worded as a hilarious tour de force of
double entendres.

The memo has remained remarkably unchanged through the years. As the piece
has been passed from hand to hand through cyberspace, a few alterations have
been made to the text (the "Please keep in mind that a customer without
properly working balls is an unhappy customer" zinger wasn't in the
original, and today's "Any customer missing his balls should contact the
local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items"
used to be "Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of
removing these necessary functional items"), but for the most part what
turns up in inboxes now is fairly close to what was being circulated more
than a decade ago.

http://www.snopes.com/humor/business/mouse.htm

--
If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.




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Old 11-06-2005, 02:22 PM
Mike
 
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Isn't this rather like telling the burglars when to call?
However, I expect the neighbours will be house sitting.


Many thanks for your concern, much appreciated. The point is that we don't
all go to all the reunions and as you say, the neighbours 'house sit' for us
when we are away. We are very lucky in that the house is visible all round
and as most of our neighbours are retired, there is always someone about
:-)) That plays hell when you are trying to get things done, you spend
hours nattering :-)), especially when you consider that the grounds go
through to the back road and we have another set of neighbours there!!!
:-))

Neighbourhood watch, front back and sides ;-))

and then there is the Alarm ;-))

and the neighbour's dog :-))

Mike


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Old 11-06-2005, 02:27 PM
Mike
 
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I couldn't convince an Italian friend that the one of most popular
attractions in UK was a refurbished Italian POW camp.
--
Martin


This shows you have not been to the Eden Camp Martin, because they have had
visits, and a close camaraderie with ex Italian Prisoners of War who were at
the Camp :-))

It also shows that you are unaware of what a fascinating place it is, BUT,
you may be too young to remember WWII, or perhaps you were a Conscientious
Objector and thus will have nothing to do with WWII.

Mike


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Old 11-06-2005, 04:49 PM
Mike
 
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Default


So what do they do to occupy 3 to 4 days?
--


You wouldn't be interested, you have shown that. So why ask? Don't bother to
answer that one.


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Old 11-06-2005, 09:19 PM
Brian
 
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Default


"Ceri Davies" wrote in message
...
On 2005-06-10, Gary Woods wrote:

Now many mice don't even have balls.
Tragic.

Ceri

_______
Of cours not~~ they can't dance!! Brian






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Old 12-06-2005, 12:35 AM
Chris French and Helen Johnson
 
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Default

In message , Ceri Davies
writes
On 2005-06-10, Gary Woods wrote:

Now many mice don't even have balls.
Tragic.


I find it more interesting that an increasing number don't even have
"tails", destroying the mouse analogy utterly. A new word is required;
suggestions on the back of a postcard...


Farmer's Wife ?
--
Chris French and Helen Johnson



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