Newsgroup Troll FAQs

What is a newsgroup troll?

Along with blue herons, bullfrogs and raccoons, a common pest in the pond is
the newsgroup troll.

What can you do about one?

When you discover a newsgroup troll in your pond the first act you must take is
cut off all communication, as this is food to the newsgroup troll.
Usually when denied food the troll will slink under the fence and go bother
other hobbies and interests.

Can you suggest specific measures?

If the newsgroup troll continues to invest your pond you need to take more
drastic measures.

A motion detection sprinkler is one option. Newsgroup trolls have rarely been
seen bathing. (Handy tip: if you smell something bad next to your pond, you've
probably been invested by a troll.) The motion detection sprinklers will fire
off when tripped by a newsgroup troll.
The refreshing and cleansing sprinkler so offends the troll that he will leave
immediately to restore his protective layer of filth.

Alternately you can try baiting a hava-heart trap with cheap day old pizza and
warm beer. Newsgroup trolls can not resist this tasty combination. Once the
troll is trapped you can remove him
to a more natural setting - the welfare office, the holding tank at the jail or
sewer. Release the troll and you should see the last of him as his IQ is so low
he will not be able to find his way back to your pond.

Finally a last measure - a couple lengths of fido fence electric wire wrapped
around the newsgroup troll's neck and applied to the reproductive organs will
render the troll unconscious. You must quickly move in and dice the troll into
small bits and store in the freezer. Remove a small portion of diced troll at a
time and feed to the fish. Then the troll will be recycled into fish excrement
which is really too good for the troll but helps fertilize the plants.

Thus concludes our newsgroup troll faqs.
(And yes, it was me that wrote them before
under another screen name ;-)















k30a