Anne Lurie wrote:
Thanks, Ken, everyone loved this one!

I just wish I could find on the Internet the one that ends "Put your
computer back in the box, because you are too stupid to own a computer"
and/or the "Oh.... you mean to tell me [hours later] that your computer is
not working because the power is off in your office."


Some jokes are too good not to save!

My Problem is finding them after the save!

Chagoi

This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
Needless to say the Helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is
currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without
Cause."
Below is the actual dialogue
(Now I know why they record these conversations)!

"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a sea-prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have
a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power
cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into
the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two
cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other
cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of
your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's
dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes, -the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in
from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you
still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it
was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."


And, then of course there is the classic memo about "cleaning mouse balls"!


Mouse Balls

This is an actual alert to IBM Field Engineers that went out to all IBM
Branch Offices. The person who wrote it was very serious. The rest found
it rather funny.
Abstract: Mouse Balls available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit)

Mouse balls are now available as FRU. Therefore, if a mouse fails to
operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball
replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure,
replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained
personnel.

Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the
underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than
foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon
manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the
opo-off method. Domestic balls are replaced using the twist-off method.
Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive
handling can result in sudden discharge.

Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately.

It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for
maintaining optimum customer satisfaction; and that any customer missing
his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items.

To reorder, specify on the following:
P/N 33F8462 - Domestic Mouse Balls
P/N 33F8461 - Foreign Balls


(If only I had saved those gems over the years -- I bet I could sell them
on ebay.)