"Wavy G" wrote in message
...
These are the events that occurred yesterday, October 13th, "Columbus
Day",
the worst day of my life:

I woke up early, to "hit the pavement" as they say, and was out the door
by
Noon. All was going well--so far. I went to the local shopping mart to
get
some lunch and cash some checks (no questions, please). I had to cash too
checks, won for the amount of $50.00, and the other for $25 (that's a
grande
total of $75.00!). So I get to the bank and find out it's closed.
CLOSED!
DAMMIT!! IT'S COLUMBUS DAY. I forgot--bankers and postal workers get a
day
off of work because some greasy wop invented the meatball.
WHOOPDY-****IN'-DOO. Thanks a lot, Columbus, now I don't have any cash.

A third-grader knows whom Columbus is. Either you're stupid or we've just
read an extremely lame attempt at sarcastic humor.

This was a minor impedance but I was not too put off, as I still had my
lunch to look forward to.

Yay! Soup and Sandwich--my favourite! I first went to the Deli station,
(located along the back wall, near the stairs and the loading docks) to
get
my sandwich. Now, I normally get the "Italian Combo," (mmmm, good) but I
thought today I would branch out and try the turkey. It looked good and I
never tried it before, so I picked it up and merrily went about getting my
soup.

I made my way over to the Soup/Salad station in the centre of the shopping
mart. I eagerly anticipated seeing what the Soup of the Day would be. So
I
get there and read the sign over the soup carafe, and it said "Paul Revere
Chili." What the frick? I don't know who the Hell Paul Revere is, but I
do
know CHILI IS NOT SOUP!

Again, a third grader knows whom Paul Revere is. Apparently, you were
sucking your teacher's cock during class and now suffer from a cum-filled
cranium.

HAS EVERYWON GONE NUTS? AM I THE ONLY WON WITH
SENSE ANY MORE?

You are the only one WITHOUT sense.

I remained extremely miffed for a moment, but I am an
open-minded guy, so I thought I would try this "soup."

I wanted to pick up a few things before checking out, so I browsed for a
few
moments. I went to the chips aisle and was about to grab a bag of "Andy
Capps" when I began noticing a smell--a horrible, horrible smell. I had
no
idea what it was, or where it was coming from, but it seemed like every
where I went, it was there. I smelled like somewon had spilt a bucket of
Witch-hazel and Pepto-Bismal. Smelling this was making me extremely
upset.
I couldn't take it any more. I had to check out. I got in the checkout
lane, and there was that smell again. WHAT THE HELL?! I look around and
realize it was the guy behind me. He had been following me in the chip
aisle when I first smelt it. NOW HE'S BEHIND ME WHILST I CHECK OUT.
GEE-WHIZ, WHAT A DAY!!!!1

On my way back, I saw a couple of goth kids moping around in an adjacent
parking lot. I was stopped in traffic for half an eon, (you'd think on a
holiday, people would be home celebrating instead of out clogging the
roads
and ****ing me off, BUT NO.) Then, as the traffic picked up, I look over
out my window and see those Goth kids again--only now they're riding a
bike.
GOTH KIDS DON'T RIDE BIKES!!! WHAT THE **** IS GOING ON? HAS THE WHOLE
WORLD LOST HIS HEAD???

Where is it written that Goth kids don't ride bikes? Hopefully, the same
book says that ass-holes such as yourself aren't allowed to breathe.

I get back, eat my "soup" (it was "okay") and proceeded to open my
sandwich.
I get it open, only to realize it was not a turkey sandwich at all--IT WAS
A
TURKEY *WRAP*. For those of you who don't know what a "wrap" is, it's a
sandwich made out of some kind of flat bread, like a pita, or a fajita, or
something--whatever it's called, it's basically baked glue. It was
horrible. And I looked inside...IT WAS FILLED WITH CHEESE. "BLECCH." a
HUGE quivering glob of American cheese. I tried to pull my sandwich open
to
remove the offensive slab of crap, but the "wrap" was stuck to the meat,
which, in turn, was stuck to the cheese. It ripped every time I tried to
pull it open. I finally got it apart and had to wipe the cheese off with
a
knife (that's kind of consistancy we're talking about here, folks) and got
it back together. I took won bite and it still tasted like cheese.

Dick... you took "one" bite. You "won" the game. See the difference?
Apparen'tly you were sucking your English teacher's cock too.

I
removed it, but the "essence" was still there, I guess (?) and alls I
could
taste was American cheese, bitter lettuce, and baked glue. IT MAKES ME
ANGRY JUST TO THINK ABOUT IT. It was either eat the sandwich or throw it
away and waste my money. I ate the whole ****ING SANDWICH. MY DAY WAS
NOW
COMPLETELY RUINED!!!!!@!!!

So to sum up, this was the worst day of my life.

Life is good if this is your worst day. Make the world a better place and
kill yourself. We're tired of hearing you diaper-wetting tantrums.



Yours in love,
Wavy G.