A Dizzy Blonde wrote:

I live about 1km from a large hotel, far enough away not to be bothered by
it, but judging by one corner of my front garden just at bladder stretch
point from last call drinks!

The area is where my front wall and my neighbours lower fence join, there is
a large frangipani that wards off summer "waterers" but over the course of
winters I have lost 3 mature azaleas and a resplendent birds nest fern, and
the corner often has the redolent aroma of urine.

I now desire to plant something with huge unwieldy canes attached to which
would be long and razor sharp thorns........any suggestions for a plant not
out of place in a bed of camellia and azalea under the shade of a frangipani
in the Perth climate? My first thought - bougainvillea is not a suitable
plant for the spot.....though it would please me to plant one just for the
ouch factor.

A (not always) Dizzy Blonde

Oh! How deeply I sympathise with this problem! We had the same trouble until we
put up a front fence. Suddenly, there was neither vomit, urine nor 'the other'
deposited in our garden by man or beast and it was *such* a relief!

I have to tell you, it's quite illegal to put up an electric fence! (Or, at
least, it is in most municipalities in NSW). They call it 'setting a man-trap'
and it's not far removed in gravity from attempted manslaughter, so for
goodness' sake leave that one alone!

I was told this by the investigating constable when someone tried to steal our
car and settled for just the petrol instead - they siphoned off a full tank of
gas, left two broken windows and had completely ruined the dip-stick in a futile
attempt to hotwire it (the car, not the dipstick...) - Hnnnnnnhhhhh! When I
suggested getting out my little pulse-generator (left over from years and years
in the Pony Club - I don't habitually set man-traps, OK) - the coppers said
'Uh-uh!' and told me I'd wind up doing Time if I set up such a trap!

My only real suggestion to you would be to plant either yucca (pretty awful
stuff with positively lethal spines at the ends of the leaves - it would give a
bloke a pretty nasty injury to the willie if he tried anything) or Rosemary
Grevillea (*much* more user-fiendly and attracts birds to boot!) See, Grevillea
rosmarinifolia (that's its Latin name) is tantamount to having a gigantonormous
hedgehog (no pun intended) or echidna parked in your front garden. It's pretty
awful to walk into in the dark (I know!) but has really gorgeous little chinese
lantern style flowers. My Mum planted G.rosmarinifolia to deter the neighbour's
little no-neck monsters and it worked a treat! I imagine this plant would grow
in Perth, but you'd need to check. If not, then I'm sure a visit to a local
native nursery will come up with some prickly thorny plant which would be just
perfect for you! Holly could be a possibility? Or maybe a very large rose
bush/climbing rose?

Anyway, *do* let us know what you decide! I'm really interested in any other
suggestions!
--
Trish {|:-}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

PS. Of course, the predictable idea would be to install sensor lights so that
the offending potential piddlers would become illuminated as they approached
your property.