On Thu, 22 Jan 2004 01:49:03 +0000, Eddie Luck wrote:

Ah, g'day... my name is Eddie Luck and I'm a gardener!

In my garden I have no grass. There are two little boys who live next
door and they hate me. They call me fat old man and throw their tennis
balls in my garden just so they can steal my chokos and throw them on the
ground.

They call my garden a desert. One of the boys is called Johnny and once I
grabbed him and tortured him in my shed. I forced him to drink Roundup.
He found my pile of dead magpies and he called the police. I hate that
boy. One day I'm going to hurt him seriously.

There used to be lots of trees in my backyard but I chopped them all down,
and spray Roundup on the bare ground every week to make sure it is all
dead. I also go over the ground with my rotary hoe until every clump is
smashed into dust.

I have a few rows of vegetables, mostly pumpkins and tomatoes. I water
them with greywater and the leaves get covered in muck and undissolved
soap powder. Last year was the first time I got an edible pumpkin. It
was nearly as big as an apple and I shared it with Surveillance.

Surveillance is my wife and she wears a blue and white dress. She's
really fat too because we eat pork almost exclusively. Pork is really
good for you and we eat a lot. We blend the fat into a refreshing cold
drink too. I have the recipe if you want it.

I have to go now. Surveillance has detected Johnny in my backyard getting
his cricket ball. I'm going to hurt him really badly.

Eddie

At least you should have some ornamental grasses to carry your garden
through the seasons. Piet Outdolf has a great book: Gardening with
Grasses. He uses grasses and then plugs the holes with perennials and
surprises.