"Trish Brown" wrote in message
...
Eddie Luck wrote:

Ah, g'day... my name is Eddie Luck and I'm a gardener!

In my garden I have no grass. There are two little boys who live next
door
and they hate me. They call me fat old man and throw their tennis balls
in
my garden just so they can steal my chokos and throw them on the ground.

They call my garden a desert. One of the boys is called Johnny and once
I
grabbed him and tortured him in my shed. I forced him to drink Roundup.
He
found my pile of dead magpies and he called the police. I hate that
boy.
One day I'm going to hurt him seriously.

There used to be lots of trees in my backyard but I chopped them all
down,
and spray Roundup on the bare ground every week to make sure it is all
dead.
I also go over the ground with my rotary hoe until every clump is
smashed
into dust.

I have a few rows of vegetables, mostly pumpkins and tomatoes. I water
them
with greywater and the leaves get covered in muck and undissolved soap
powder. Last year was the first time I got an edible pumpkin. It was
nearly as big as an apple and I shared it with Surveillance.

Surveillance is my wife and she wears a blue and white dress. She's
really
fat too because we eat pork almost exclusively. Pork is really good for
you
and we eat a lot. We blend the fat into a refreshing cold drink too. I
have the recipe if you want it.

I have to go now. Surveillance has detected Johnny in my backyard
getting
his cricket ball. I'm going to hurt him really badly.

Eddie

Snif... That was beautiful, Eddie! Brought a tear to my nose! I especially
liked
the paragraph about the Pork and wondered whether you'd be so kind as to
post
the recipe for your cool, refreshing, rendered fat drink? Something we'd
all
love to share, I'm sure!

Please give our best regards to dear Surveillance! Perhaps in the New Year
she
might shop for a new dress? I'm sure she's a vision of loveliness, either
way.

Cheers!
--
Trish {|:-}
Newcastle, NSW, Australia

G'Day Trish!

Thank you for your sweet words.

Recipe for Refreshing Pork Beverage

1 cup pork fat
1/2 cup methylated spirits
1/2 cup crushed ice

Place all ingredients into blender. Blend ingredients thoroughly until
spirits have permeated mixture and pork fat is homogenized with wet
ingredients. Serve with a slice of lemon. Ideal after a hard day's work or
as an icy treat after the kids have gone to bed. Share it with your lover.