GardenBanter.co.uk - View Single Post - root barriers -- protecting property from neighbor's trees

21-07-2004, 05:02 PM

(Frank) wrote in
om:

Does anyone have any first-hand experience in knowing the chances of
an Aristocrat Flowering Pear Tree causing damage to a home's
foundation?

I have a neighbor who decided to plant an Aristocrat Flowering Pear
Tree about 5 feet from our property line and about 17 feet from my
foundation in highly expansive clay soil that is watered almost year
round: in Califorina where we go long spells without rain. I have
water lines and sprinkler lines within feet of that tree, and a water
line about seven feet from it.

These trees are very susceptible to fire blight (Erwinia amylovora). You
could claim you are an amateur biologist experimenting with this
bacterium and setup your culture generators next to the tree (on your
property). Then make the equipment have a little "accident" and release
all the pathogens on the tree. The chances of the tree recovering are
actually quite slim if you do it right.

Here is another idea but will take extraordinary acting ability. Start a
hobby as a chainsaw juggler and practice by the tree. Then pretend you
are having an epileptic seizure and saw the tree down. The trick is to
tell the police you were just doing routine practice and suddenly saw
sparks and flashes. Then the next thing you remember is you were laying
on the ground and the tree was sawed down. I used this technique to beat
my neighbor to a pulp a few years ago. I pretended to have an epileptic
seizure and started to pummel his face after I caught him looking at my
daughter in an un-christian way at a 4th of July BBQ I threw for everyone
on the block.

I know this advice is very valuable - no charge pal !