I was getting a bit fed up with kids vandalising garden fences in our
area, and the attitude of the police, and then I noticed that the Home
Office were asking for people's views on crime for their Strategic Plan.
Spurred on by recent media reports that vandalism and graffiti are the
two crimes that people are most worried about (damn right!) I wrote to
them, telling them to take it more seriously. After a few days I
received a reply saying "The matters you have raised are the
responsibility of Office of the Deputy Prime Minister". Fair enough - I
always thought crime was a Home Office matter, but I saw the way
Prescott punched that guy who threw an egg at him, so he should be able
to make mincemeat out of the little sh*ts round our place. They said
they'd passed my letter on, so I left it at that. Anyway, a few days
later I received another reply, and this one's just taking the mickey
"The matters you have raised are the responsibility of Food & Rural
Affairs". What??? I certainly don't grow any food in my garden, and it
isn't exactly rural either! I think I'm starting to understand where the
police get their "not our problem" attitude from. At this rate, by next
week my garden will be the responsibility of the Ministry of Defence, in
which case I'll just declare it a Prohibited Place and put barbed wire
up - problem solved :-)