Diana: I have felt your pain ... in fact, if I had a nickel for all of
those, I could retire tomorrow!

At one show, an elderly lady brought in a pot that might -- or might not --
have once held a living orchid. Couldn't prove it either way by me --
nothing at all above the potting medium, not even brown or yellow leaves,
and no live roots within about a half-inch down. She thought it had been a
Phal., and wanted to know what was wrong with it. When I told her I was
sorry, but it was clearly dead, she asked "How can you tell?" [Thinking
quickly, for once, I promptly sent her to the booth next door for a "second
opinion," since Laurel does, after all, specialize in Phals ...
fortunately, Frank's a good sport!]

At a garden club talk, a different lady brought in a phal for me to look at.
The plant looked terrible, and the moss heaped up to almost cover the
bottom leaves was so wet that when I took a handful out [to un-bury the poor
thing] and squeezed it, a puddle emerged. I asked when she'd last watered
it -- over a week before. I offered to yank it out of the pot to see if it
might be saved; she said she thought it just "had a cold."

At a "home and garden" show, more than half the folks that actually stopped
to look accused me of lying to them when I told them my plants were live,
not plastic. [The rest just tried to steal my dragonfly clips, claiming
they thought they were "free samples" even though they were clearly marked
at 5 for $1.]

At least 5000 people have looked at my vandas and said something on the
order of "Cool -- plants that don't need water." Ten times that many have
tried to buy my blooming example when I have budded plants of the same clone
for sale. Quite a few of those have even picked up plants with big fat buds
on them and asked (usually while waving them around wildly) "Will this plant
flower?"

So, try to learn to get a chuckle out of these things; otherwise, they'll
drive you crazy(er) G. Kenni


"Diana Kulaga" wrote in message
ink.net...
What a meeting we had yesterday! It was new officer installation day, so
the
main part of the meeting was given over to that and a talk by our county
sheriff (who, by the way, was very funny- when he swore us in he used
language that he uses when swearing in a deputy, including "if necessary,
lay down my life" for the society).

I did a "bad plant" clinic first, with a bow to Kathy (I've done this
before, and the group loves it). An experienced grower brought in a hugely
underpotted Catt and wanted to know what was wrong with a leaf that was
turning black, and how to repot, since the plant was growing sideways all
over the place. Those were the easy questions (sunburn and divide or
mount).
What she didn't mention was the scale that was running rampant all over
the
poor thing! Yikes!

Another gal asked if she had made a mistake when she "cut the stalk" off
her
"way too big plant", which she did not have with her. We went into Karnak
mode to try and figure out what kind of plant she was talking about and
finally decided she had decapitated the canes on a Dend. So, we showed her
a
Dend to confirm, but Nooooooo, it wasn't one of those! It had leaves
coming
out from both sides. She had cut a Vanda into sections, because it was
"just
too tall"! For her, we recommended a copy of Ortho's All About Orchids, if
for no other reason than she needs to learn the difference between a
Cattleya and a Vanda, etc. And she said she has 20 orchids! Is there
something akin to the Dep't. of Children & Families for a situation like
this?

There was loads more, and we all had some good belly laughs, even the
people
who brought the plants. Well, that's one of the things we are there for -
education.

And I picked up a Bulb. lobbii 'Kathy's Gold' AM/AOS x Bulb. bicolor 'D&B'
AM/AOS from the member sale table, for only ten bucks. Will post pix when
it's fully open.

Well, that didn't turn into the rant I thought it would.......

Diana