"DBB" wrote in
news:jsMMe.35294$084.10080@attbi_s22:

I have started a compost pile to use on my garden next year. The pile
has been in place for several months now, but nothing is happening.
Here is what I have in it: Plastic milk jugs, lava rocks, concrete
cinders, several pairs of old boots, a deer that was killed by a car,
and a couple of bags of household garbage. So far my pile looks
nothing like the bags of compost I can buy at garden stores. Whats
the secret to it? Also, how are you supposed to keep the odor down
when composting animals? My neighbors are really getting angry at me.

Deer don't normally decompose quickly, which is why professionals use
their own leonine compactors (non-pros can call 1-800-RENT-A-LION to ask
for rates). Incidently, after you have received your leonine compactor,
your neighbors will stop being angry, seeing that you are taking positive
steps to solve the odor problem, although some may also suddenly develop
their own bowel problems (nobody knows why) at which point you can turn
the tables and complain about their smell.

Apply some kitty litter to the compost area and soon you will be ready
for the next step. Compaction usually takes at least 24 hours. You
might as well leave some kitty litter for any neighbors who should have
been wearing Depends.

Now most people know composting is about browns and greens. If your
plastic milk jugs, lava rocks, concrete cinders, old boots and garbage
aren't already brown, you will need to smear them until they are brown
with your compacted deer um residue. Don't be afraid to get your hands
dirty. Once you have the browns taken care of, you will need to find
some so called greens. Usually your computer can supply the greens. But
the problem is getting the greens out of your computer. Search your
computer for naive questions from green people (also called newbs or
noobs). In fact you can probably compost your own questions. You need
to get your questions out of the computer and throw them in the compost
pile. If you can't get your questions out of the computer, you probably
should throw the whole computer in the pile. This will solve a lot of
people's problems.