or: Revenge is a Dish Best Eaten Cold

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Beware the suburban supergrass


Jacqueline Maley
Wednesday April 12, 2006
The Guardian


Hidden beneath the tranquil surface of the south-east's pony paddocks and
quiet hedgerows, a troubled people are secretly seething. Curtains are
twitching and plans of sweet revenge are being hatched. Residents are
queueing up to inform on neighbours. In short, England is turning into a
nation of snitches.
And it is all over the use of the humble hosepipe.

When the water companies imposed restrictions on the use of hosepipes and
sprinklers, backbone was added to the ban by the setting up of a telephone
hotline to allow anyone to report breaches. To their surprise, the water
companies have been inundated. What started as a trickle has become, in
reverse proportion to the water shortage, a flood.

Thames Water has taken 90 calls in which people have shopped their
neighbours for breaching the restrictions. South East Water has taken 100,
and Three Valleys Water 124. But it is Sussex, Kent

and the Isle of Wight that take the crown for the country's most
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
illustrious sneaks, with the company that serves the region, Southern
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Water, reporting no fewer than 1,500 tipoffs.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


Even tiny Folkestone and Dover Water, which services 65,000 households, has
taken three calls since its ban began last week. Unfortunately, all three
reported fellow villagers for actions not actually banned. Still, hats off
for laudable civic mindedness.

Paula Campbell, a spokeswoman for Three Valleys Water, which services 3m
households in north London and the home counties, says its best informant is
a "very keen" woman who increases the scope of her surveillance by snooping
as she takes her daily jog. ("She says she is exhausted from all the
running," Ms Campbell report). Gardeners on her route beware - she has
shopped several since the ban began just over a week ago, and is on the
lookout for more. It is not known whether "supergrass" showers, or for how
long, on her return home.

Of course, the bloody-minded will always find a way to break the rules. Some
gardeners have tried to sneak around the ban by watering in the dead of
night. Nice try, but these days the hedges have eyes. Other calls reported
an ad hoc car-washing service in the car park of a local pub. While some
admired the entrepreneurial spirit, others were not amused.

One particularly nefarious customer rang to say he was going to re-register
his company to include car washing as one of its activities.
He would then employ his wife to wash his car.

Some householders are still unsure of the ins and outs of the ban. Callers
have asked, for example, what to do with a muddy dog - is one permitted to
hose him down, as in days of yore?

"We are not trying to be Big Brother in terms of of policing," Ms Campbell
says. "It shouldn't be, 'Can I do it?' but, 'Is there a better way?' It
might be better to get a bucket of warm water, some baby shampoo, and sponge
him off." Such limp wristedness is spurned by other companies, such as
Sutton and East Surrey Water, in favour of surveillance. "This is the thing
that people don't appreciate," says Stuart Hyslop, a spokesman for the
company. "We can actually monitor [water usage]. We have a very
sophisticated direct monitoring system.

"In the wee small hours of the morning there's virtually no water going into
any district, so if suddenly a disproportionate amount goes out, we know
that somebody is using a heck of a lot of water, and that can only be
someone using a sprinkler." Gotcha.

It could be worse. In Sydney, Australia, where water restrictions have
applied since 2003, random checks to "ensure compliance" are carried out by
the Soviet-style Water Restrictions Patrol. As for dobbing in your
neighbours, it has become socially acceptable. Permits are required to fill
backyard pools and cars that get dirty stay that way, or else. The hosing of
pathways to clear leaves, once a great Australian pastime, is likely to
result in a citizen's arrest. Websites are abuzz with tales of flagrant
water abuse, and people are encouraged to inform.

Writing in the Australian Conservation Foundation's chatroom, a man called
"Dinesh" incites one prevaricating gardener to "name and shame" his wasteful
neighbour.

"Tell your neighbour that their garden is completely unsuitable in terms of
water consumption and that it shouldn't take priority over people," he
exhorts. "Then tell them to expect a fine in the post. In fact, just give me
their details and I will dob them in."

To which "Margie" responds, rather sagely: "Just be careful that he doesn't
dob you in for something in turn."


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http://www.guardian.co.uk/water/stor...752066,00.html


michael adams

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