Ken wrote:
My wife wants me to uproot the conifers, and I think she may be right.
But I don't want whatever replaces them to suffer the same fate.

Well, when you have them out, "uprooting" is the good thing to do -
don't just saw them off at ground level.

Get hold of some well rotted horse muck or similar (often free from
stables) and dig well in once you have disturbed the ground anyway,
regardless of what you are planning to plant instead. Then wait until
the early spring before replanting - let the nursery take the risk of
overwintering, not you!

I would certainly avoid anything similar in the same plot for at least
10 years - cut a bit off and keep it like pressed flowers to take with
you in case you are tempted by another conifer.

Without knowing too much about your soil I'd consider a couple of
rowans, if there is room, or a pair of small japenese Acer. There are
several cultivars of Acer palmatum that have been selected to be small
growing. Or a couple of small apple trees - people like the Ballerina
form for upright habit - having two to replace the conifers would
probably resolve the polination issue as long as you choose two
compatible ones. There are dwarfed upright forms of most fruit trees
now.

Or you could have, for a bit more work, bay or holly bushes and clip
them into decorative shapes. Eventually.

There is a fashion round here for putting lumps of old iron (sorry
"garden sculpture") up and growing clematis or honeysuckle up them.
It's vertical, but to me it still looks like rusy iron.