On May 11, 7:11 pm, foo wrote:
This is a thread destined to be flamed. So be it.

Dear PETA,

Don't read this.

onward.

I have squirrels (oh yes, those cutesy little scamps running around
with nuts in their mouths climbing trees and spreading glee throughout
the land) that are not only digging up my brand new seedlings but
terrorizing the pots they reside in as well. So far they have killed
at least ten burgeoning plants. No more. I'm going walking tall on
these punks very soon if I can't get some advice. (please).

So, without further adieu here is my question:

What is a safe and relatively easy alternative to preventing these
*******s from eating my seedlings (and digging into the soil)?

My first thought isn't safe- it involves a competition .22 with hot
ammo and a spray of blood so fanning that it will look like the skies
are raining death. Locked, cocked, and ready for squirrel.

These *******s taunt me. Sitting high-and-mighty in *my* trees which
I let them hang out in. They stare at me- they know me- I'm their
maker- the one they may meet. They casually dance through the
branches and always get away of course. But, from the bullet? Not
so much.

So with the secondary intention of actually saving these, ahem, a-
holes, can someone please recommend a safe solution to either
preventing them from eating my greens?

If necessary I will build a squirrel sanctuary. One with plenty of
weeds and expensive organic soil for them to dig through- sort of like
a bat house. They can sit there fancy-free and munch away at things
that nobody cares about. I will provide them a steady supply of nuts
during the winter and even crack them for them to not damage their
teeth. I will provide yearly dental checkups just in case. I will
warm their squirrel house's with a nice warm incandescent glow so they
may dine together on things OTHER THAN MY PLANTS.

Thank your your your attention to this pressing matter.

Ever notice that you never see squirrels in parts of the country were
people consider them delicious?