at, and for more
than two hours he succeeded in shutting the girl out of his mind
altogether. Then the memory of her face came back, and with it a raging,
intolerable desire to be alone. Until he could be alone it was impossible
to think this new development out. Tonight was one of his nights at the
Community Centre. He wolfed another tasteless meal in the canteen, hurried
off to the Centre, took part in the solemn foolery of a 'discussion group',
played two games of table tennis, swallowed several glasses of gin, and sat
for half an hour through a lecture entitled 'Ingsoc in relation to chess'.
His soul writhed with boredom, but for once he had had no impulse to shirk
his evening at the Centre. At the sight of the words I love you the desire
to stay alive had welled up in him, and the taking of minor risks suddenly
seemed stupid. It was not till twenty-three hours, when he was home and in
bed -- in the darkness, where you were safe even from the telescreen so
long as you kept silent -- that he was able to think continuously.
It was a physical problem that had to be solved: how to get in touch
with the girl and arrange a meeting. He did not consider any longer the
possibility that she mi