"Christian" wrote in message
...
On Mar 24, 3:00 pm, (paghat) wrote:
Christian wrote:
Hi. I own a business "Professional Pond Maintenance and Fish Care".
I'm not here to promote my business. I only serve the Southern Oregon
area. I'm wanting to get any and all feedback, positive or negative,
on a website I designed recently to go with it. I advertise locally
and direct folks to my site for more information.

Here is the link:
http://allyoudoisfeedthefish.net/index.html

What do you think of the basic design?
Can you read it easily?
Ads or no ads?

I'm thinking people here are close to my target audience, being that
garden lovers usually like ponds even if they don't personally have
one.

Thank You,
Christian

I'm afraid the writing's just about as bad as it can get. It might get by
in an amateur blog about ponds, but nothing about it says you should be
trusted on anyone's property piddling in their ponds. Lines like this:

"A person many times sees pictures or a friends pond and thinks wow that
would be nice.."

sounds borderline retarded, though

"Growing up I built a lot of backyard dams in my dirt pile"

corrects the impression somewhat, indicating to a potential client that
the website belongs to a junior high school student who'd rather do this
than mow lawns, but hasn't done any of it so far. If you ARE a junior
high
schooler then how cute is that. If you're not, such immaturity in an
adult
indicates diminished capacity.

That could be just a lack of writing skill giving entirely the wrong
impression, and if you have a friend or family member who is both a
skilled writer and willing to help revise your text toward the
professional tone your website title promises, maybe the text can be
improved to give the impression of a competent adult rather than a widdy
kiddle.

I would be absolutely stunned if you to get a client from this web page
EVER. There are no quality photos of gorgeous ponds you've cared for,
even
if only your own, to give an impression of the quality of work you've
done
in the past. The photos of some spot you found in the wild in no way
indicate pond management abilities and again gives an impression of
juvenility. A picture of you in waders in a beautiful pond using the
specialty equipment doing the "vacuuming" you alude to might lend to
better expectation of what you can do.

There's no indication of training or expertise of any kind, other than
building dams in your "dirt pile." There's awkwardly written thoughts on
"what pond maintenance means to me" and that's cute but people don't
usually trust paid work to cuteness in lieu of proof of experience and
ability.

-paghat the ratgirl
--
visit my temperate gardening website:http://www.paghat.com.html
visit my film reviews webiste:http://www.weirdwildrealm.com

Ratgirl
I do appreciate your honest opinion even if said in a rude manner with
name calling even. You've given me a lot to think about and I do see
your point on many subjects in your reply. What confuses me is I've
gotten an overwhelmingly positive response over the last few days
after posting this on numerous message boards and groups. Some people
have some constructive criticism, which is the reason I'm doing this,
but most people like the site. As far as not getting clients from the
site your highly mistaken there. I've got my biggest projects so far
from people who found a link to my site, looked it over, called me,
commented on the site and actually say that it's the reason they
called. I'm not sure I want to appear as a attorney cleaning ponds.
Maybe somewhere in between as I can see how it may be a little to cute
oriented.

Have a nice day

Thanks everyone for the replies.
Christian



Well, as long as Paghat broke the ice (hahaha): If you're getting clients,
they belong to the 54% that get tingles in their undies from bad grammar.
Here's an idea: Add a start page with two links. Republicans (54%) click
here. All others here.

Seriously, don't ever settle for or appeal to the lowest common denominator.

I used to work for a very reputable investment firm. Most new people would
choose a stock or mutual fund and cold-call all day long with it. They'd
make a sale or two a day, for a few thousand bucks. I took a different
approach. I made calls and said I was looking for new clients. It took
longer, but one day, a miracle happened. There was a lady who was the
daughter of the guy who invented a product we all use. Her secretary was
sick, so she was answering her own phone. Two weeks and three meetings
later, she gave me a check for twelve million dollars "just to see what you
can do with some small money until we know each other better."

I mention this because I have some gorgeous garden books with pictures of
pools & ponds half the size of my house. Maybe you'd like that kind of
business. Would you drive to Redmond WA for a job like that? Hmm...who's
located in Redmond, and how many of its employees are millionaires?

So, with this in mind, what do you think of the idea of paying a high school
English teacher to polish your prose the way maids polish glassware for the
queen of England? Sound like a good idea?