WIld Billy was dreaming that he had just been thrown out of his favorite
bar and that he might as well treat himself to a lie - in, until opening
time, but the sounds of
traffic, and the honking horns wouldn't let him slide back into
unconsciousness. He felt terrible, and suspected that one of those
bottles of whiskey he'd had the night before, must have been bad.
Feeling something in his hand, Billy looked through barely opened eyes
at his hand and saw the broken stem, and the foot of his wine glass. His
eyes popped open to the sound of screeching tires, just as a Renault
swerved to miss him. "F**k!", he swore and scrambled, unsteadily, to the
side of the road.

"You'd do more good as a speed bump, back in the middle of the street",
said Jangchub (the lesbian nun), who was sitting on the curb. "Sounds
like the voice of experience", cracked Billy, noticing the muddy tire
tracks across her habit. "This curb taken?", he said as he sat down,
"Man, I feel like I've been hit by a truck". "Actually", she said,
while staring down the street,"it was you who hit the truck."

"Uh, where did the truck go?", Billy asked, shaking his head.

"North", said Jangchub. " I had 'em but they got away."

A strange wailing sound came from across the street.

"What's that weird sound?", he asked.

"Oh that's just "W", playing his Celtic pipes", Jangchub said. "Some
just call him Bill".

"Is he dangerous?", said Billy, peering suspiciously across the street.

"Oh, no", she said. "Far from it".

"Where does he come from?", he asked.

"Oh, many yeas ago, a renegade band of Buddhist monks moved into one of
my greenhouses and tried to remove all the toxic genes from the human
genome. They were trying to create a hero, who could lead them to world
domination by fermenting soybeans. They called it "Project W" because of
the bilateral symmetry. They separated the Alpha genes and the toxic
genes into two vials, but during a conversation, the monk labeling them
forgot which was which.", she said.

"Sooo, what happened?", he said, becoming impatient.

"Well, the toxic ones went on to become president of the United States,
and the Alpha genes are walking towards us playing the Celtic pipes".

A car screeched to the curb and a man jumped out.

"Hey, can you help me?", Jangchub called to him.

"Oh, you're way past help, lady, if I can use that term to describe you.
Glad you said something or I might have stepped on you, and then I'd had
to scrape you off my shoes", the he said derisively.

Jangchub turned to Billy and smiled. Turning back to to the driver of
the car, Jangchub said,"Teeney weeny peepee syndrome? That's it.", she
exclaimed. " You have teeney-weeny-peepee syndrome, hahahahahahahaha.
Ooops, I used foul language, I see your head exploding."

"Geeze but you are dumb", the man said. "And you are dumb because you
are
unwilling to learn. You'll always be the dumbest one... you could not
have
possibly earned a high school diploma.

"Why do you say my peepee is little", he continued, " how do you
know.... ? I really don't want to discuss my peepee with you... you
haven't a clue about of what you speak... "

Turning again to Billy, Jangchub winked. Looking back at the man, she
said,"Well then, let's find out then." Grabbing the man by his stripped
tie, Jangchub dragged the protesting man into the bushes.

After a minute, Billy could hear Janggchub, "Hahahahahahahahaha. Where's
the beef? Where's the beef?", she laughed. "You, I gotta show you to the
girls, hahahahahahahaha." She laughed and laughed until Billy could hear
her no more.

The stocky blond man, who had been playing the Celtic pipes, stepped up
to Billy, pushed out his hand and said,"Feasgar math". "Huh?", said
Billy, wondering if his ears had heard right. "Sorry", the man said.
"Guid eenin, I'm Bill". "Hi, I'm Billy", said Billy. "Jangchub was here
a minute ago. Do you know where she went?, Billy asked Bill.

"Oh, she's probably off, nursing her wrath to keep it warm", Bill said,
furrowing his brow.

"What are you doing?, asked Billy.

"Just wanderin' around a bit. Stretching me legs.", said Bill

"Do you live near here?", Billy asked.

"Oh, just over the hill. I live with a couple of Brits. I try to get
out, when I can because they have really sever emotional problems", Bill
said, matter-of-factly. One pulls his hair and cries a lot. The other
bangs his head against the wall. It's all I can do to sit there calmly,
playing my pipes.

Billy gazed at Bill, taking in the situation. "Look," said Billy, "my
friend Captain Charlie has been log-jacked and I'm trying to find him".

Bill looked at Billy, taking in the situation. "Do you mean that black,
panel truck with the large dent in the side of it?", asked Bill.

"Yeah, yeah, that's the one.", said Billy.

"Oh.", said Bill, falling silent for a couple of moments. "That's Dr.
Dows truck. He lives about five miles more, north, up this road at the
Monsanto mansion."

"Thank you, thank you," Billy said, shaking Bill's hand.

Billy, jumped into the car that was still idling at the curb and roared
off in a cloud of dust, up the road.

"Can I see another's woe, and not be in sorrow too? Can I see another's
grief, and not seek for kind relief?", Bill said, slipping a flask from
his pocket.

Shortly, Billy saw a large, five storied house, with a terraced roof.
Just jutting over the edge of the roof, was the end of Charlie's log.
The pulley and tackle, that had raised the log, was still in place in
the front of the house.

Billy broke a window to get inside. No one seemed to be home. He rushed
to the roof and found the log. He tried to unplug the ends of the log
but it was no use. They were stuck tight. He tapped on the side of the
log and yelled,"Don't worry Captain Charlie. I'll have you out of
there." Looking around, Billy only saw the loose end of the tackle's
rope.

Running back down stairs, Billy tied the other end of the rope to a
tree. Back up to the roof he ran, tying the other end of the rope to the
log, and then shoving the log off the side of the building, where it
swung crazily in mid air. Back down the stairs ran Billy, when he
noticed a bottle of 1978 Echezeaux breathing on a side board. "Ohhhhhh",
he said, his run turning to a walk, a walk towards the Echezeaux.
Pouring a glass, Billy stared into its' crimson folds, which shone like
veils of silk passing in front of each other. Its' brick colored edges
looked like lips that needed to be kissed. Enraptured he drew the glass
to his nose, not daring to believe it could fore-fill is desires. He
sniffed at it hesitantly and a tear started to form in the corner of his
eye when the bouquet and aroma intertwined in his nose. Thought vanished
from Billy's mind, which now was totally devoted to the sensuousness of
perception. How long he stood there is hard to tell. The phone ran,
startling Billy from his trance.

"No one can answer the phone right now, please leave a message.", the
answering machine said. The voice on the phone responded,"This is the
doctor, I'll be home in about twenty minutes. Have everything prepared".

"Charlie", Billy thought. He refilled his glass and ran outside.

Running to the tree, Billy pulled on the trucker's hitch that secured
the rope and was immediately pulled off the ground by the rope. Half-way
up, the log struck Billy hard about the head and shoulders as it fell to
the ground. Then, Billy's fingers were jammed into the pulley. Down
below, the log struck the ground and out popped Charlie. The log was now
lighter than Billy, and Billy began to descend swiftly, only to receive
a blow to his shins and knees from the log, half-way down. Billy finally
landed on the concrete walkway that encircled the house.

Charlie ran to Billy and leaned over to offer him his hand. Still
holding the glass of Echezeaux, Billy let go the rope and reached for
Charlie's hand.

-----

Tune in next time boys and girls
--

- Billy
"For the first time in the history of the world, every human being
is now subjected to contact with dangerous chemicals, from the
moment of conception until death." - Rachel Carson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WI29wVQN8Go

http://www.haaretz.com/hasen/spages/1072040.html