Sacha wrote in
:

On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said:

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog
dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman
behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms
before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of
my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff
an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco..

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the world to think of daft things to say.

Love it! Very funny.

I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I
said to his owner "I wish I could do that"
The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you"

Baz