GardenBanter.co.uk - View Single Post

Baz[_3_] · 07-09-2013, 02:18 PM posted to uk.rec.gardening

wrote in
:

On Saturday, September 7, 2013 12:34:03 PM UTC+1, Baz wrote:
Sacha wrote in

:

On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said:

I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO

Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My
Dog

dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a
woman

behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and
have

little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog,
I

was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably
shouldn’t,

because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10
kilograms

before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most
of

my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way

that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and
simply

eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
nutritionally

complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have
to

mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled

with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because
the

dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to
sniff

an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he
was

laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco..

Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time
in

the world to think of daft things to say.

Love it! Very funny.

I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his
privates.
I

said to his owner "I wish I could do that"

The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you"

Baz

Now that is an old quote from Churchill

Jonathan

Not my insurance company! We don't like nodding dogs.
Baz