I don't know if this has made its way to you but it
is too funny to miss and kindof on topic here......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


This is an actual letter sent to property owner by the Michigan

Department of Environmental Quality. Then comes the homeowner's response...





--------------------------------

Subject: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,

Sec. 20; Montcalm County



Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental

Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above

referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal

landowner

and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet

stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.

A review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been

issued.

Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in

violation Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and

Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being

sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,

annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams

partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding

at

downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently

hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to

cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the

stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood brush forming the

dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed

no later than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so

that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff.

Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized

activity on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated

enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full

cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any

questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price District Representative

Land and Water Management Division





**********

The following is his response...

**********





DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,

Sec. 20; Montcalm County



Dear Mr. Price:

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond

to. I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget,

Pierson, Michigan. A couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized)

process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the

outlet

stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor

supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that

you

call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would

like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam

project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state

there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam

resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam

determination and/or

their dam work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they

must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam

activity.

My first dam question to you is: (1) Are you trying to discriminate

against my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers

throughout this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers,

through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all

those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been i! ssued. Perhaps

we will see

if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and

Streams, of the Natural Resource and environmental Protection Act, Act 451

of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the

Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is... aren't the beavers

entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially

destitute and are unable to pay for said representation, so the State

will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam

concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain

event

causing flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the

Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the

Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their

dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please

contact! the beavers, but if you are going to arrest them, they

obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter... they being

unable to

read English.

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build

their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green

and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to live

and enjoy

Spring Pond.

If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection

lives up to the name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers)

and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be

referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until

1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and

there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them

then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real

environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears!

Bears

are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be

persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you

are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are

not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to

contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to

your dam office.

Thank You,



Ryan DeVries &The Dam Beavers

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k30a
yearly brother website posting
http://www.30acreimaging.com/

K30a wrote:
I don't know if this has made its way to you but it
is too funny to miss and kindof on topic here......
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

that one is always good

some one in michigan should check for the folow up letter to see what
the environment dept did




John Rutz
Z5 New Mexico

never miss a good oportunity to shut up

see my pond at:

http://www.fuerjefe.com

K30a wrote:

.....Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to

contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to

your dam office.

Thank You,



Ryan DeVries &The Dam Beavers

SPEW

Joe



-----= Posted via Newsfeeds.Com, Uncensored Usenet News =-----
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Here's a little more info on the incident, well, if these webpages are to
be trusted that is, heh:

http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/beaverdam.htm
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/dammed.htm

The Snopes.com link in particular has some followup information. It
appears this started out as what should have been a simple dispute between
neighbors, except one neighbor complained to the government.