An Oztraylian Xmas
 

I penned the following piece of doggerel to wish you one and all a
very Merry Xmas even if I wish it was all over for the year.

Fran

An Oztraylian Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
The stockings were hung on the back of the chair
The weather so hot the dogs took to their lair
Typical Christmas, all heat, dust and flies
I dream of cold beers all served up on ice
It's out with the gas tank the barbie to light
Whilst all round the land's a terrible sight
Seldom before has there been such a drought
Dire warning the weathermen sprout
"Worse before better" they all seem to say
I look in "The Land" to buy extra hay.
No fodder listed there to be bought
Oh I wish we hadn't been caught
With sheds that are empty of all but the rats
Which fight like the demon with feral cats.
So it's out with the "dry feedpass" blocks
As like all other farmers we tear out our locks.
"What use is our hair" we mutter and stare
At paddocks that simply remain ever bare.
The blocks will convert dry standing feed
To nourish empty guts in terrible need
Please send us some rain dear old St Nick
And lend us some hay but do so real quick.
St Nick is reputed to grant us our wish
Please don't say it's all a great trick.
Santa, St Nick or just Kris Kringle
(He MUST have a wife he'd hardly be single!)
Perhaps I should simply get onto Herself
And, provided she's not having sex with an elf,
Surely she'd listen to a cry from the heart
(But maybe she's just a silly old fart??).
Dear Mrs St Nick
Please be a great brick
Get your man to desist,
Lets get down to the grist,
We don't want the fat man, the elves or the sled
Too great a weight for the roof of the shed
Gifts all ephemeral
Animal or mineral
Are not welcome here
At this time of the year.
Please send us some water
To avoid needless slaughter
Our breeders are light
They look such a fright
A bloody good storm burst
Just might quench our thirst
But it's inches we need
For to bring on the feed.
The cattle are gaunt as shags on a rock,
The fire threat causes us to take stock,
The pump is all primed and the hose it is set
For if a fire roars in like a jet
Summer in Oztraylia sure is such fun
So sodding hot one can scarce raise a run
Fire and pestilence, flies sun and dust
No bloomin wonder we're all nearly bust.
So it's merry Christmas and all that guff
Pretty it's simply so bloody rough!

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you, Fran. I hope that you will
have a wonderful new year. My garden is doing all right and i've got
egg-plant growing now. It's not been too bad a year for me, though next
year will be harder with my GRE exams coming up. I hope you get all the
rain you ever need.
hugs Farm1 tightly and logs out

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message
...
I penned the following piece of doggerel to wish you one and all a
very Merry Xmas even if I wish it was all over for the year.

Fran

An Oztraylian Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
The stockings were hung on the back of the chair
The weather so hot the dogs took to their lair
Typical Christmas, all heat, dust and flies
I dream of cold beers all served up on ice
It's out with the gas tank the barbie to light
Whilst all round the land's a terrible sight
Seldom before has there been such a drought
Dire warning the weathermen sprout
"Worse before better" they all seem to say
I look in "The Land" to buy extra hay.
No fodder listed there to be bought
Oh I wish we hadn't been caught
With sheds that are empty of all but the rats
Which fight like the demon with feral cats.
So it's out with the "dry feedpass" blocks
As like all other farmers we tear out our locks.
"What use is our hair" we mutter and stare
At paddocks that simply remain ever bare.
The blocks will convert dry standing feed
To nourish empty guts in terrible need
Please send us some rain dear old St Nick
And lend us some hay but do so real quick.
St Nick is reputed to grant us our wish
Please don't say it's all a great trick.
Santa, St Nick or just Kris Kringle
(He MUST have a wife he'd hardly be single!)
Perhaps I should simply get onto Herself
And, provided she's not having sex with an elf,
Surely she'd listen to a cry from the heart
(But maybe she's just a silly old fart??).
Dear Mrs St Nick
Please be a great brick
Get your man to desist,
Lets get down to the grist,
We don't want the fat man, the elves or the sled
Too great a weight for the roof of the shed
Gifts all ephemeral
Animal or mineral
Are not welcome here
At this time of the year.
Please send us some water
To avoid needless slaughter
Our breeders are light
They look such a fright
A bloody good storm burst
Just might quench our thirst
But it's inches we need
For to bring on the feed.
The cattle are gaunt as shags on a rock,
The fire threat causes us to take stock,
The pump is all primed and the hose it is set
For if a fire roars in like a jet
Summer in Oztraylia sure is such fun
So sodding hot one can scarce raise a run
Fire and pestilence, flies sun and dust
No bloomin wonder we're all nearly bust.
So it's merry Christmas and all that guff
Pretty it's simply so bloody rough!



Lol. You need to get out more.

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

On Sat, 23 Dec 2006 10:45:02 +0000, louisxiv wrote:


"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message
...
I penned the following piece of doggerel to wish you one and all a
very Merry Xmas even if I wish it was all over for the year.

Fran

An Oztraylian Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
The stockings were hung on the back of the chair
The weather so hot the dogs took to their lair
Typical Christmas, all heat, dust and flies
I dream of cold beers all served up on ice
It's out with the gas tank the barbie to light
Whilst all round the land's a terrible sight
Seldom before has there been such a drought
Dire warning the weathermen sprout
"Worse before better" they all seem to say
I look in "The Land" to buy extra hay.
No fodder listed there to be bought
Oh I wish we hadn't been caught
With sheds that are empty of all but the rats
Which fight like the demon with feral cats.
So it's out with the "dry feedpass" blocks
As like all other farmers we tear out our locks.
"What use is our hair" we mutter and stare
At paddocks that simply remain ever bare.
The blocks will convert dry standing feed
To nourish empty guts in terrible need
Please send us some rain dear old St Nick
And lend us some hay but do so real quick.
St Nick is reputed to grant us our wish
Please don't say it's all a great trick.
Santa, St Nick or just Kris Kringle
(He MUST have a wife he'd hardly be single!)
Perhaps I should simply get onto Herself
And, provided she's not having sex with an elf,
Surely she'd listen to a cry from the heart
(But maybe she's just a silly old fart??).
Dear Mrs St Nick
Please be a great brick
Get your man to desist,
Lets get down to the grist,
We don't want the fat man, the elves or the sled
Too great a weight for the roof of the shed
Gifts all ephemeral
Animal or mineral
Are not welcome here
At this time of the year.
Please send us some water
To avoid needless slaughter
Our breeders are light
They look such a fright
A bloody good storm burst
Just might quench our thirst
But it's inches we need
For to bring on the feed.
The cattle are gaunt as shags on a rock,
The fire threat causes us to take stock,
The pump is all primed and the hose it is set
For if a fire roars in like a jet
Summer in Oztraylia sure is such fun
So sodding hot one can scarce raise a run
Fire and pestilence, flies sun and dust
No bloomin wonder we're all nearly bust.
So it's merry Christmas and all that guff
Pretty it's simply so bloody rough!



Lol. You need to get out more.
*********************************
Is this a joke then? God! How terrible to be so short of water. I remember
we once toyed with the idea of Australia and we were shown pictures of
amogst skulls of cattle and corpses drought killed.

I am very afraid we
are heading for water shortages in the south of England if the water men
don't get their fingers out. I'm so glad we made what will amount to a
very big reservoir in the garden.
***************************

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

On 23/12/06 06:05, in article
, "Farm1"
please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

I penned the following piece of doggerel to wish you one and all a
very Merry Xmas even if I wish it was all over for the year.

Fran

An Oztraylian Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse
The stockings were hung on the back of the chair
The weather so hot the dogs took to their lair
Typical Christmas, all heat, dust and flies
I dream of cold beers all served up on ice
It's out with the gas tank the barbie to light
Whilst all round the land's a terrible sight
Seldom before has there been such a drought
Dire warning the weathermen sprout
snip

Some years ago I was in Vancouver and it was absolutely pouring with rain -
just hurling it down. The friends I was staying with took me to a Pow Wow
and there were all these 'first people' Canadians dancing and hollering and
making the most wonderful sight. But I did tell her that this certainly
explained the really awful weather! Perhaps you could get together with a
few friends...? I really hope it rains for you.
--
Sacha
http://www.hillhousenursery.co.uk
South Devon
http://www.discoverdartmoor.co.uk/

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"louisxiv" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message

An Oztraylian Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring not even a louse

Lol. You need to get out more.

Au contraire! I think I need to stay in more. A drought affected
land is not a pretty sight.

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Welsh Witch" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message

An Oztraylian Christmas

Is this a joke then?

Well actually the few remaining cattle we have are really as fat as
ticks - they are still scratching a living along the creek banks. The
creek is not flowing but there must be some underground seepage
keeping the growth going somehow. Unfortunatley the rest of it is
true and we are not in one of Oz's low rainfall areas.

God! How terrible to be so short of water.

Yep - protect and guard what you have with great care.

But given that you are a WELSH Witch, I should have included a mention
of Land Rovers (my husband has 13 old Series Landies) given that Wales
is the spiritual home of old Land Rovers. (I've been dragged there to
see where sodding old Landies were trailled in the early days - as if
I wanted to waste my time in Wales looking at Landie landscape :-))

I am very afraid we
are heading for water shortages in the south of England if the water
men
don't get their fingers out. I'm so glad we made what will amount to
a
very big reservoir in the garden.

Wise decision!

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

An Oztraylian Christmas

Some years ago I was in Vancouver and it was absolutely pouring with
rain -
just hurling it down. The friends I was staying with took me to a
Pow Wow
and there were all these 'first people' Canadians dancing and
hollering and
making the most wonderful sight. But I did tell her that this
certainly
explained the really awful weather! Perhaps you could get together
with a
few friends...? I really hope it rains for you.

Surprisingly enough we got 19mm of rain last night so it worked :-))

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

On 24/12/06 00:58, in article
, "Farm1"
please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

An Oztraylian Christmas

Some years ago I was in Vancouver and it was absolutely pouring with
rain -
just hurling it down. The friends I was staying with took me to a
Pow Wow
and there were all these 'first people' Canadians dancing and
hollering and
making the most wonderful sight. But I did tell her that this
certainly
explained the really awful weather! Perhaps you could get together
with a
few friends...? I really hope it rains for you.

Surprisingly enough we got 19mm of rain last night so it worked :-))

There you are! Glad you got some though I'm sure you're dancing harder than
ever.

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!


Er, why naked? Is the idea to *frighten* the rain into falling?!
--
Sacha
http://www.hillhousenursery.co.uk
South Devon
http://www.discoverdartmoor.co.uk/

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message
...
"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

An Oztraylian Christmas

Some years ago I was in Vancouver and it was absolutely pouring with
rain -
just hurling it down. The friends I was staying with took me to a
Pow Wow
and there were all these 'first people' Canadians dancing and
hollering and
making the most wonderful sight. But I did tell her that this
certainly
explained the really awful weather! Perhaps you could get together
with a
few friends...? I really hope it rains for you.

Surprisingly enough we got 19mm of rain last night so it worked :-))

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!

Please let me know where and when?

Alan

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Alan Holmes" wrote in message
...

"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message
...
"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

An Oztraylian Christmas

Some years ago I was in Vancouver and it was absolutely pouring with
rain -
just hurling it down. The friends I was staying with took me to a
Pow Wow
and there were all these 'first people' Canadians dancing and
hollering and
making the most wonderful sight. But I did tell her that this
certainly
explained the really awful weather! Perhaps you could get together
with a
few friends...? I really hope it rains for you.

Surprisingly enough we got 19mm of rain last night so it worked :-))

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!

Please let me know where and when?

Alan

Just remember Alan-"The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!


Er, why naked? Is the idea to *frighten* the rain into falling?!

All I did was note that it was the lunatic fringe groups and did not
enquire further. I already had too much information :-))

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

On 26/12/06 07:49, in article
, "Farm1"
please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!


Er, why naked? Is the idea to *frighten* the rain into falling?!

All I did was note that it was the lunatic fringe groups and did not
enquire further. I already had too much information :-))


And imagination!
--
Sacha
http://www.hillhousenursery.co.uk
South Devon
http://www.discoverdartmoor.co.uk/

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message
...
"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!


Er, why naked? Is the idea to *frighten* the rain into falling?!

All I did was note that it was the lunatic fringe groups and did not
enquire further. I already had too much information :-))

I'm sure that naked women's rain dances would be very popular!(:-)

Make sure you let me know where they are!

Alan

An Oztraylian Xmas
 

"Alan Holmes" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote in message
"Sacha" wrote in message
"Farm1" please@askifyouwannaknow wrote:

But as to the rain dance, there are now a number of the more
odd
groups arranging naked women's rain dances!!!!!!!!


Er, why naked? Is the idea to *frighten* the rain into falling?!

All I did was note that it was the lunatic fringe groups and did
not
enquire further. I already had too much information :-))

I'm sure that naked women's rain dances would be very popular!(:-)

Make sure you let me know where they are!

Alan do you really want to spend a fortune getting to Oztraylia just
to watch a bunch of middle age and older women dancing in the nude? I
suggest a trip to Soho instead - it'll be cheaper and the bodies will
no doubt be better :-))