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OT I've been baned from Tesco
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO
Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"David Hill" wrote in message ... I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. Lol thanks David, I'll pinch that for elsewhere. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said:
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. -- Sacha www.hillhousenursery.com South Devon www.helpforheroes.org.uk |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
Sacha wrote in
: On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" Baz |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Saturday, September 7, 2013 12:34:03 PM UTC+1, Baz wrote:
Sacha wrote in : On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" Baz Now that is an old quote from Churchill Jonathan |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
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OT I've been baned from Tesco
David Hill wrote:
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. I was just having my morning coffee. I _think_ I can clean the monitor and keyboard! -- Gary Woods AKA K2AHC- PGP key on request, or at home.earthlink.net/~garygarlic Zone 5/4 in upstate New York, 1420' elevation. NY WO G |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"David Hill" wrote in message ... I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. I don't believe you, I've heard that one before! Tina |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"David Hill" wrote in message ... I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Brilliant David, a good giggle :-) Bill |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"Baz" wrote in message ... Sacha wrote in : On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldnâ?Tt, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
Another Tesco story for you
Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was Ł5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared............ (You're going to hate me for this) scroll down 'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!' "harryagain" wrote in message ... "Baz" wrote in message ... Sacha wrote in : On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldnâ?Tt, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 08/09/2013 09:05, harryagain wrote:
"Baz" wrote in message ... Sacha wrote in : On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldnâ?Tt, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. They don't. But you often see then tied up just outside the doors. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
What about Guide Dogs? Mike Sunny but cloudy South East Coast of the Isle of Wight Rain Radar promises us a downpour any moment now "David Hill" wrote in message ... On 08/09/2013 09:05, harryagain wrote: "Baz" wrote in message ... Sacha wrote in : On 2013-09-07 11:13:29 +0100, David Hill said: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldnâ?Tt, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Love it! Very funny. I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. They don't. But you often see then tied up just outside the doors. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 11:20:40 +0200, Martin wrote:
I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. English isn't your first langauge. "I was also at Tesco ..." not "I was also in Tesco ..." Only into the butchery department? Shh, back door only and at night. Seeing dogs for the blind are probably admitted, they quite often are where other dogs are banned. -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 08/09/2013 11:01, Dave Liquorice wrote:
On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 11:20:40 +0200, Martin wrote: I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. English isn't your first langauge. "I was also at Tesco ..." not "I was also in Tesco ..." Only into the butchery department? Shh, back door only and at night. Seeing dogs for the blind are probably admitted, they quite often are where other dogs are banned. I really don't know what you are blathering about. I suspect from your reply that English is more my first language than it is yours. "I was at Tesco" says I was at the site of their store, car park and all, "In Tesco" says I was inside the store. As for Seeing dogs, I have to assume that you are talking about dogs that help those with impaired vision, at least you didn't refer to them as "Blind" dogs. In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. In the US of A they have Seeing Eye Dogs. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 11:37:32 +0100, David Hill wrote:
I really don't know what you are blathering about. I suspect from your reply that English is more my first language than it is yours. "I was at Tesco" says I was at the site of their store, car park and all, "In Tesco" says I was inside the store. Precisely. The comment "I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco." is not accurate when the orginal statement is "I was at Tesco ...". The latter could be inside the store but equally outside, it is not specific. As for Seeing dogs, I have to assume that you are talking about dogs that help those with impaired vision, at least you didn't refer to them as "Blind" dogs. In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. I sit corrected I thought they had been "rebranded" a number of years ago. We are both half wrong from their website "Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
Are you going to 'sit corrected' about the spelling in the Subject heading? ;-) It's a wonder none of the experts have picked it up, or have they and I have missed it? Mike "Dave Liquorice" wrote in message ll.co.uk... On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 11:37:32 +0100, David Hill wrote: I really don't know what you are blathering about. I suspect from your reply that English is more my first language than it is yours. "I was at Tesco" says I was at the site of their store, car park and all, "In Tesco" says I was inside the store. Precisely. The comment "I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco." is not accurate when the orginal statement is "I was at Tesco ...". The latter could be inside the store but equally outside, it is not specific. As for Seeing dogs, I have to assume that you are talking about dogs that help those with impaired vision, at least you didn't refer to them as "Blind" dogs. In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. I sit corrected I thought they had been "rebranded" a number of years ago. We are both half wrong from their website "Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 12:21:29 +0200, Martin wrote:
I was also at Tesco the other day, and I saw a dog licking his privates. I said to his owner "I wish I could do that" The owner said "Give him one of Davids biscuits and he will let you" I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. English isn't your first langauge. "I was also at Tesco ..." not "I was also in Tesco ..." Try doing the attribution/snipping correctly to avoid criticising the wrong person Count the 's you will see that the lines you are complaining about have than one so are, as is normal usenet quoting convention, not necessarily attributable to the entity at the top. They might be though depending on how the thread and quoting has developed. I note that you don't complain about this bit: begin Only into the butchery department? Shh, back door only and at night. Seeing dogs for the blind are probably admitted, they quite often are where other dogs are banned. end So you are obviously half aware of how quoting works. -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 08/09/2013 12:40, Dave Liquorice wrote:
As for Seeing dogs, I have to assume that you are talking about dogs that help those with impaired vision, at least you didn't refer to them as "Blind" dogs. In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. I sit corrected I thought they had been "rebranded" a number of years ago. We are both half wrong from their website "Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." I was talking about "Guide dogs for the blind" as being Guide dogs for Blind people, though they are also used by people with restricted vision as well as Blind . Not the training and fund raising body which is The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." I worked for over 10 years as a Mobility officer for Blind and partially sighted people, and worked with several Guide Dog instructors as well as having had some training at their training centre at Exeter. I also had a blind colleague who was a guide dog user as well, so I do have some knowledge of the subject. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
David Hill wrote:
I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn’t, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Think I first saw that one about 15 years ago! -- |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"'Mike'" wrote in message ... Another Tesco story for you Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious, dark-side, underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was Ł5,000. The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single pound coin that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the pound as down payment for the dirty deed. A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Tesco store. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well. However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the store. Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested. The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared............ (You're going to hate me for this) scroll down 'ARTIE CHOKES TWO FOR A POUND AT TESCO!' Lovely Bill |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"'Mike'" wrote in message ... Are you going to 'sit corrected' about the spelling in the Subject heading? ;-) It's a wonder none of the experts have picked it up, or have they and I have missed it? Mike "Dave Liquorice" wrote in message ll.co.uk... On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 11:37:32 +0100, David Hill wrote: I really don't know what you are blathering about. I suspect from your reply that English is more my first language than it is yours. "I was at Tesco" says I was at the site of their store, car park and all, "In Tesco" says I was inside the store. Precisely. The comment "I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco." is not accurate when the orginal statement is "I was at Tesco ...". The latter could be inside the store but equally outside, it is not specific. As for Seeing dogs, I have to assume that you are talking about dogs that help those with impaired vision, at least you didn't refer to them as "Blind" dogs. In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. I sit corrected I thought they had been "rebranded" a number of years ago. We are both half wrong from their website "Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." -- Cheers Dave. Why do the nit pickers enjoy spoiling a good thread ??? Bill |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
"Local hero" wrote in message o.uk... David Hill wrote: I'VE BEEN BANNED FROM TESCO Yesterday I was at my local Tesco store buying a large bag of My Dog dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Dog Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 10 kilograms before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with My Dog nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish Setter's bottom and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. I'm now banned from Tesco.. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world to think of daft things to say. Think I first saw that one about 15 years ago! So What ??? Ah but the old ones are still the best ! Bill |
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On 08/09/2013 20:11, Bill Grey wrote:
Snipped Well Bill,personally I care not how many spieling mistakes, grammatical errors you made, the important thing for me was that you brightened up my Monday morning, many thanks. I am feeling particularly p*ssed off as out combi boiler has been broken for almost a week, so I am smelly and my hair could be used to fry chips! |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in what oerdr the ltteres in a word are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is that the frsit and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it whotuit a pboerlm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the word as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! "Broadback" wrote in message ... On 08/09/2013 20:11, Bill Grey wrote: Snipped Well Bill,personally I care not how many spieling mistakes, grammatical errors you made, the important thing for me was that you brightened up my Monday morning, many thanks. I am feeling particularly p*ssed off as out combi boiler has been broken for almost a week, so I am smelly and my hair could be used to fry chips! |
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On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 10:27:35 +0200, Martin wrote:
I didn't write what you attributed to me. Count the 's. Only the lines with one are directly attributable to the the person named at the top, as has been the case in usenet for donkies years. -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 08:38:29 +0100, Broadback wrote:
Well Bill,personally I care not how many spieling mistakes, grammatical errors you made, the important thing for me was that you brightened up my Monday morning, many thanks. I almost suggested that if the story was true and recent he ought to contact the tabloids and make a bob or two. B-) I am feeling particularly p*ssed off as out combi boiler has been broken for almost a week, so I am smelly and my hair could be used to fry chips! Oh dear, how sad. Can people not improvise thses days? What's wrong with the wash basin/kitchen sink and kettle for hot water? Or if the kettle is bust as well (implying no gas or electricity supply, so pans no good either) the hose pipe filled with water and laid out in the sun for a few hours, then drained into a bucket to take indoors. That'll at least take the chill off it. Finally cold water is just "bracing". B-) -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 13:20:22 +0100, David Hill wrote:
In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. I sit corrected I thought they had been "rebranded" a number of years ago. We are both half wrong from their website "Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." I was talking about "Guide dogs for the blind" as being Guide dogs for Blind people, though they are also used by people with restricted vision as well as Blind . Which is presumably why they have been rebranded as just "Guide Dogs". There are also dogs that guide humans in other ways as well not just those with restricted vision. The wording on signage that prohibits dogs but allows "guide dogs" doesn't have "for the blind" appended. -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 09/09/2013 10:03, Dave Liquorice wrote:
On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 08:38:29 +0100, Broadback wrote: Well Bill,personally I care not how many spieling mistakes, grammatical errors you made, the important thing for me was that you brightened up my Monday morning, many thanks. I almost suggested that if the story was true and recent he ought to contact the tabloids and make a bob or two. B-) I am feeling particularly p*ssed off as out combi boiler has been broken for almost a week, so I am smelly and my hair could be used to fry chips! Oh dear, how sad. Can people not improvise thses days? What's wrong with the wash basin/kitchen sink and kettle for hot water? Or if the kettle is bust as well (implying no gas or electricity supply, so pans no good either) the hose pipe filled with water and laid out in the sun for a few hours, then drained into a bucket to take indoors. That'll at least take the chill off it. Finally cold water is just "bracing". B-) That is exactly what we have to do. But sadly I threw out the tin bath a couple of years back. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 09/09/2013 10:13, Dave Liquorice wrote:
On Sun, 08 Sep 2013 13:20:22 +0100, David Hill wrote: In the UK we have Guide dogs for the blind,. I sit corrected I thought they had been "rebranded" a number of years ago. We are both half wrong from their website "Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association." I was talking about "Guide dogs for the blind" as being Guide dogs for Blind people, though they are also used by people with restricted vision as well as Blind . Which is presumably why they have been rebranded as just "Guide Dogs". There are also dogs that guide humans in other ways as well not just those with restricted vision. The wording on signage that prohibits dogs but allows "guide dogs" doesn't have "for the blind" appended. These are referred to as assistance dogs and have come together as Assistance Dogs (UK) http://www.assistancedogs.org.uk/ Re the "Re-branding" of Guide dogs. © The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association 2013. Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association. Registered Office: Hillfields, Burghfield Common, Reading, Berkshire RG7 3YG. A company limited by guarantee registered in England and Wales (291646) and a charity registered in England and Wales (209617) and Scotland (SC038979) Tel: 0118 983 5555 Email: Website: www.guidedogs.org.uk |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 08/09/2013 09:05, harryagain wrote:
I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. But if you shop online at Tesco, no-one knows you're a dog -- regards Andy |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 2013-09-09 09:55:12 +0100, Dave Liquorice said:
On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 10:27:35 +0200, Martin wrote: I didn't write what you attributed to me. Count the 's. Only the lines with one are directly attributable to the the person named at the top, as has been the case in usenet for donkies years. PLEASE can we not start this here. It already happens on another group with someone who refuses to attribute as most people do and every so often, 'quote wars' break out, as a result. Just leave in the name of the person who wrote whatever you are quoting directly under their name. NOBODY has the time to count indentation marks, surely! -- Sacha www.hillhousenursery.com South Devon www.helpforheroes.org.uk |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 2013-09-09 10:23:24 +0100, Broadback said:
On 09/09/2013 10:03, Dave Liquorice wrote: snip Finally cold water is just "bracing". B-) That is exactly what we have to do. But sadly I threw out the tin bath a couple of years back. Gasp! You should have dug a hole, sunk the bath in it - instant pond. They're rather fashionable planters now, apparently! -- Sacha www.hillhousenursery.com South Devon www.helpforheroes.org.uk |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
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OT I've been baned from Tesco
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OT I've been baned from Tesco
News wrote in news:wFiXt.207823$cn6.21269
@fx01.fr7: On 08/09/2013 09:05, harryagain wrote: I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco. But if you shop online at Tesco, no-one knows you're a dog Steady on now :) Baz |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 11:24:08 +0200, Martin wrote:
when you should have addressed your comment to whoever wrote " I didn't know they let dogs into Tesco." It is, count the 's. They aren't named but who cares, it's not important. And as the comment is plainly not about *your* (single ) precious content getting in a strop is remarkably pointless. This is a broadcast medium, The equivalent of standing in the middle of a busy public space and using a loud hailer. Every body hears everything but won't have a clue who said what after 30 seconds. -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
NOBODY has the time to count indentation marks, surely!
Far better to remove all attribution than have pages of badly formatted line wrapped attributions to scroll through hiding the quotes. -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On Mon, 09 Sep 2013 10:38:41 +0100, David Hill wrote:
Which is presumably why they have been rebranded as just "Guide Dogs". There are also dogs that guide humans in other ways as well not just those with restricted vision. The wording on signage that prohibits dogs but allows "guide dogs" doesn't have "for the blind" appended. These are referred to as assistance dogs and have come together as Assistance Dogs (UK) Hum, so an "assistance dog" would not be allowed access where a "guide dog" would be? If the signage wording was "No Dogs except Assistance Dogs" both could pass. Guide Dogs is a working name of The Guide Dogs for the Blind Association. Registered Office: Hillfields, ... Yes I posted that earlier. B-) -- Cheers Dave. |
OT I've been baned from Tesco
On 2013-09-09 22:41:04 +0100, Dave Liquorice said:
NOBODY has the time to count indentation marks, surely! Far better to remove all attribution than have pages of badly formatted line wrapped attributions to scroll through hiding the quotes. Dave, when I first joined this group about 15 or 16 years ago, I got shouted at very, very loudly for not snipping enough or doing it badly and thus messing up attributions. That happened more than once until I cleaned up my act. I was absolutely new to the whole newsgroup thing and very nearly gave up at that point. But as I felt I needed help (being newly arrived in England and with a garden that needed taming) I persisted, learned to snip and tried to ensure I was attributing correctly. It's not very hard, though it takes a tiny amount of concentration at the time and indeed, any of us can get it wrong. But while, most of the time, it doesn't matter at all, it can be very galling to see views or beliefs to which one is diametrically opposed, attributed to one's name! It is equally embarrassing to see someone's else's brilliant answer to a tricky question, given under the wrong name. Perhaps this isn't a subject worth pursuing too far, however? -- Sacha www.hillhousenursery.com South Devon www.helpforheroes.org.uk |
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