PlainBill spaketh thusly:

We have just relocated from Forida to Phoenix, and are managing to
adjust. However, the orchids are not doing so well. We kept them on
the patio of our Florida home, and they seemed to thrive.

Welcome to Phoenix, Bill. For each year you live here, they take
off a year's stay in hell. Did you enjoy yesterday's recycling plant fire?
They're getting regular enough you can set your watch by 'em. Wait 'till
it hits 115, and birds spontaneously combust in midflight. If you remember
three things about Phoenix (the 'Arizona' Cardinals are loser parasites,
'Qwest' is absolutely wretched, and if you park your car in the sun you
get what you deserve), everything will be fine.

We have them in a similar location here in Phoenix, and they are not
doing so well - from my inexperienced eye, I'd say they are looking
awfully yellowish. Does anyone have any suggestions on raising
orchids in an arid environment?

What? They were shocked by being removed from Florida to 9%
relative humidity? How could that happen?

First off, Phoenix water is highly saline thanks to the remarkably
unwise irrigation principles followed in the southwest. Get an RO system
if you haven't already. John Talpa (known to peruse the group) can
probably set you up with a water system that'll grow hair on bowling
balls, even with the carbonate sludge that passes for dihydrogen monoxide
down here. Get set up with a "low waste" or "zero waste" system if you
can.

Secondly, if they're on your back porch here in Phoenix, they're
going to be toast in about a week. Today's high is slated to be "only"
102 F. I think yesterday was 108 F. Remember the old formula: higher
temperatures are OK for intermediate and warm-growers, PROVIDED THE
HUMIDITY IS KEPT HIGH. Of course, in an environment where saguaro cacti
are having a rough year of it, I'm going to guess your cattleya and
odontoglossum intergenerics are begging for mercy about now.

There are options, of course. The great paradox of the southwest
is that you get so much light, you need to grow your plants indoors under
artificial lights. Any one of a number of "hydroponics" stores (actually
for indoor dope growers) will be happy to help you. The "Sea of Green" on
University is pretty good. Pay cash to stay off the D.E.A. lists. (John
Ashcroft is watching you!)

The alternative is to purchase some sort of structure, and
swamp-cool the hell out of it. With luck, you can achieve 60% RH, and
using misters you can probably throw that to 75-80% if you try hard
enough. Make sure you have power from SRP (rather than APS- which should
go without saying), or have one hell of a power backup. Either batteries
or solar will be required to make sure that when the power goes out, your
collection does not become compost in 15 minutes. That 15 minutes is
pretty generous- more like 10 once August comes around.

So, in reality, you only have a few things working against you
here in Phoenix- the arid air, the extreme heat, too much light (or not
enough), crappy water, and the possibility that Joe Arpaio will come kick
down your door if he thinks you're growing dope inside. Come to think of
it, I really can't think of a more hostile environment for growing
orchids, south of the Arctic Circle, anyway. Despite this, there are two
orchid societies in the Valley. Drop me a line at (not
the e-mail addy in the header- it doesn't work), and I'll be happy to give
you more information on the twisted, demented souls that insist on growing
orchids under the worst possible conditions.

There is no storefront orchid venue in the entire state. However,
you can get pefectly wretched and mislabeled orchids at "Home Depot" and
"Lowe's" hardware stores. Also try "Trader Joe's." If for no other reason,
go to Trader Joe's for the food. Yum. Makes everything else in town look
like a produce museum.

Oh- one last thing. Those Chilean mesquites look awful nice, and
give great shade, but for heaven's sake PRUNE THE HELL OUT OF THEM.

Cheers,

-AJHicks
Chandler, AZ

The e-mail address in the header doesn't work. Sorry.