Earlier in the week I received a text from my wife that a pair of Tree Rats
(Squirrels) were gambolling along our back fence leading the dog a merry
dance. Very nice I thought, wildlife in our garden after 3
years.....Niiiiiiice.

Daily visits to the bird table and the stealth stealing of the peanuts from
the feeder suggested that Tree Rats were up to their usual antics and giving
the dog a hard time.

Early A.M we were awoken by a frantic scrambling around complete with loud
crashes, bangs and squealing coming from our dining room.
It transpires, upon me investigating the commotion by using the first four
stairs down as an arse support, that Tree Rat 1 had decided that venturing
INTO the house might be a way of providing itself with more food, problem
was that as my Wife had been up a little earlier and left the door open to
the garden for the dog to wander, Tree Rat 1 was unaware that the dog was
now behind him and a Tail/Dog mouth interface ensued with Tree Rat 1 having
a clear advantage of being able to use smaller gaps through furniture than a
4 stone dog!

Grab of dog and despatch to other room, shut door. Tree Rat 1 decides to
make a bid for freedom to the kitchen, entirely bypassing the open door to
the garden and to hide behind the cooker.

Plan A: Adrenalin rush in me says grab Tree Rat 1 and despatch to garden.
Plan A Tree Rat1: Bite the bugger!

Plan B: Bleed profusely from 3 tooth marks in longest finger while
attempting to extract Tree Rat 1 from finger. Dangling 5ft in the air from
my finger DID NOT faze the bugger at all, in fact upon reaching BONE in my
finger resolutely refused to let go.
Plan B Tree Rat 1: Bite harder until flying lessons ensue.

It appears that Plan B in both camps was effective.

Lessons Learned:

1 Don't let Tree Rat 1 be cornered.
2 Pick up using thick towel next time if he is
3 Learn Tree Rat language as swearing in human form isn't understood.
4 4 stone dogs are NOT good at Furniture avoidance in small spaces.

All this before 07.30...........so went to work to chill out.