"Rupert" wrote in message ps.com...
On Jul 10, 4:59 pm, Rudy Canoza wrote:
Dutch wrote:
...
You earn every bit of verbal abuse you get, and then some.

That is exactly right.


In the eyes of any decent person who reads these conversations, it's
an utter absurdity.

It is the typical "he/she asked for it" refrain of all abusers.

Seems Ball feminizes male opponents, as he's tried with you,
because more than men, he hates and likes to attack women.

The following includes behaviour that is seen here.

'The Power and Control Wheel

Using isolation. One of the most effective ways to begin to
overpower another person is to keep her from having contact
with others. By systematically severing her relationships with
family, friends, and co-workers, the batterer insures that his
victim has little support. He becomes her only point of
reference, thereby defining and controlling her world.
Batterers can isolate their partners in a variety of ways, from
excessive jealousy to restricting their access to education and
jobs or controlling where they go or with whom they spend
their time. For women with disabilities, lesbians, older
women, immigrant women, or others who are marginalized by
mainstream society, isolation takes on an increased potency.

Minimizing, denying, and blaming. Batterers often minimize or
deny the abuse, or they blame their partners for provoking it.
He may minimize the severity of her injuries, or outright deny
that he caused them. Unfortunately, "victim-blaming" is
prevalent in our society. Sometimes abusers play mind games
with their victims trying to make them feel crazy. Often violent
behavior towards women is justified by saying things like
"she asked for it" or "she needed to be put back in her place."
In so doing, the blame and accountability shifts from the
abusive behavior of the batterer to the "weakness" of the victim.

Using children. Using children is yet another way that a batterer
can instill feelings of guilt and incompetence in his partner,
making her feel like a "bad" mother. Some batterers will force
children to turn against their mothers, or will threaten to take the
children away if the victim were to try to leave. There is also
evidence that in homes where there is abuse towards the mother,
there is an increased likelihood of abuse towards the children.
Girls whose fathers batter their mothers are 6.5 times more
likely to be sexually assaulted by their fathers than are girls
from non-violent homes.

Using male privilege. In our patriarchal society, men are often
raised to believe that they have been given the right to be
dominating and aggressive. Being "tough" and "in charge" are
accepted and expected as part of one´s manhood. It is all too
often the case that batterers use this gender imbalance as a
justification for violent or controlling behavior.

Using economic abuse. By controlling and limiting a woman´s
access to financial means, a batterer can assure that his victim
will have limited resources if she has thoughts of leaving. She
may have to turn over her paycheck, leave her job, or account
for every penny spent. Too often women have to choose
between staying in an abusive relationship or being thrust into
economic ruin or poverty.

Using coercion and threats. Threats are used to control by
creating intense fear that can paralyze the victim's ability to act
or keep herself constantly on guard in an effort to protect our
lives or well-being. Some common threats are suicide, threats
to kill her or the children, threats to damage property, etc. The
victim may also be coerced into acting in ways that contradict
her values, such as prostitution or fraud.

Using intimidation. Abusers will often commit terrifying acts in
order to keep their partner in a state of continuous fear. This
may include smashing things, killing pets, harassing friends and
family, setting fires, driving recklessly, suicide and homicide.
Intimidation periodically reinforced with assault, makes violence
a daily part of the victim´s reality and, therefore, makes her easier
to control.

Using emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is the most common
form of control and can often exist in relationships where there
is not physical battering. This includes put-downs, insults to
the victim´s intelligence and abilities, name-calling, etc. In so
doing, the batterer systematically breaks her spirit and
self-esteem. She may begin to feel as if the abuse is her fault or
that she must deserve it.

These forms of abuse are used in multiple combinations.
Constant violence and criticism leaves women uncertain,
humiliated, and much easier to control.

Labels: blame shifting, coercion, denying, economic,
emotional abuse, intimidation, isolation, minimizing, misogyny
......
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/