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Life’s mysteries are all suddenly crystal clear
THE NEWS TRIBUNE
Published: August 15th, 2008 01:00 AM
Sometimes a living organism is easy on the eyes only after it dies.
Like our Uncle Moe, aka The Warthog, who never looked better than when
they prettied him up for the open-casket funeral.

Likewise Tacoma’s Wapato Lake, where a whoopsy-daisy chemical
treatment a few weeks ago sent all the fish to that giant fry pan in
the sky.

Can’t swim in it without a hazmat suit – as if anyone has for 20 years
– but you gotta love the crystal-clear, subalpine waters!

You’ll find no more carp, but plenty of crap down there. Metro Parks
worker Josh Azinger thinks we should make the most of the improved
visibility with a debris fishing derby. Prizes awarded for the most
trash hooked and hauled to shore.

Now that a car has been found and identified, we predict some of the
world’s great mysteries will be solved.

Other stuff waiting below the surface of the lake:

• Wreckage of nine UFOs reported flying over Mount Rainier in 1947.

• Wreckage of Santa’s sleigh, circa 1977 (when we stopped getting
gifts).

• D.B. Cooper’s sunglasses.

• A Starbucks.

• Penguin chick that went AWOL from Point Defiance Zoo in 2002.

• All the Superfund gunk dredged from the Foss Waterway.

• Unsold Sonics merchandise.

• Sanjaya’s 15 minutes of fame.