Nick's cure for constipation?

These fences are suppose to be on pulse. On, off, on, off... when on,
you're stuck as apparently you were, it is when it goes off that you get
tossed from it. Usually just your hand or whatever (now if you have keys in
your hand and you hit the wire, they will go flying). So what's with your
fence? Malfunctioning? Mine is plugged into house current so we can use a
timer, thus off when there is likelihood of human activity around it.
Regardless I'm still dang careful around it, having had horses when younger
I got shocked more than I can remember, and probably why I can't remember.

Interesting idea though as a prowler stopper. Do you have little signs up
saying your fence is hot, why would anything else be worth stealing? ;-)
~ jan


On Sun, 7 Jun 2009 09:10:06 EDT, Nick Cramer wrote:

I got this from someone elsewhere, but thought it worth passing on.

"We have the standard 6 ft. fence around our backyard, and I am hearing
about burglaries increasing dramatically in our neighborhood and all over
the city.
To make sure this never happened to me, I got an electric fence and
ran a single wire along the top of the fence.

Actually, I got the biggest cattle charger Tractor Supply had, made for
26 miles of fence. I then used an 8 ft. long ground rod, and drove it 7.5
feet into the ground. The ground rod is the key, with the more you
have in the ground, the better the fence works.

Yesterday the rain finally broke so I decide to mow the back yard.
I'm mowing away with my cheapo Wal-Mart 6 hp big wheel
push mower. I notice the hot wire broken and laying out in the yard. I knew
for a fact that I unplugged the charger so I pushed the mower around the
wire and reached down to grab it, to throw it out of the way.

It seems as though I hadn't remembered to unplug it after all.

Now I'm standing there, I've got the running lawnmower in my right hand
and the 1.7 giga-volt fence wire in the other hand. Keep in mind the
charger is about the size of a marine battery and has a picture of an
upside down cow on fire on the cover.

Time stood still.

The first thing I notice is my privates trying to climb up the front side
of my body. My ears curled downwards and I could feel the lawnmower
ignition firing in the backside of my brain. Every time that Briggs &
Stratton rolled over, I could feel the spark in my head. I was
literally at one with the engine.

It seems as though the fence charger and the piece of cr*p lawnmower
were fighting over who would control my electrical impulses.

Science says you cannot cr*p, p**, and vomit at the same time. I beg to
differ. Not only did I do all three at once, but my bowels emptied 3
different times in less than half of a second. It was a Matrix kind of
bowel movement, where time is creeping along and you're all leaned back
and BAM BAM BAM you just cr*p your pants 3 times. It seemed like there
were minutes in between but in reality it was so close together it was
like exhaust pulses from a big block Chevy turning 8 grand.

At this point I'm about 30 minutes (maybe 2 seconds) into holding onto
the fence wire. My hand is wrapped around the wire palm down so I can't
let go. I know a little about electric fences......but the ones I had
personally experienced were obviously not 'professional grade' and just
kinda tickled. This one I could not let go of. The 8 foot long ground rod
is now
accepting signals from me through the permadamp South Alabama soil.
At this point I'm thinking I'm going to have to just man up and
take it, until the lawnmower runs out of gas.

'Damn!,' I think, as I remember I just filled the fri**in' tank!

Now the lawnmower is starting to run rough. It has settled into a loping
run pattern as if it had some kind of big lawnmower race cam in it.
Covered in poop, p**, and with my vomit on my chest I think 'Oh God
please die... Pleeeeaze die'. But nooooo, it settles into the rough lumpy
cam idle nicely and remains there, like a big bore roller cam EFI motor
waiting for the go command from its owner's right foot.

So here I am... 92 sweaty degrees, 90% humidity, standing paralized
in my own backyard, begging God to kill me. God did not take me that day
.....he left me there covered in my own fluids to writhe in the misery
my own stupidity had created.

I honestly don't know how I got loose from the wire..I woke up laying on
the ground hours later. The lawnmower was beside me, out of gas.
It was later on in the day and I was sunburned.

There were two large dead grass spots where I had been standing, and then
another long skinny dead spot where the wire had laid while I was on the
ground still holding on to it. I assume I finally had a seizure and in
the resulting thrashing had somehow let go of the wire.

Upon waking from my electrically induced sleep I realized a few things:

1- Three of my teeth seem to have melted.

2- I now have cramps in the bottoms of my feet and my right butt cheek
(not the left, just the right)..

3- Poop, p**, and vomit when all mixed together, do not smell as bad as
you might think.

4- My left eye will not open.

5- My right eye will not close.

6- The lawnmower runs like a sumbish now.. Seriously! I think our little
session cleared out some carbon fouling or something, because it was
better than new after that.

7- My gonads are still smaller than average yet they are almost a foot
long.

8- I can turn on the TV in the game room by f*rting while thinking of the
number 4 (still don't understand this???)..

That day changed my life. I now have a newfound respect for things.. I
appreciate the little things more, and now I always triple check to make
sure the fence is unplugged before I mow.

The good news, is that if a burglar does try to come over the fence, I
can clearly visualize what my security system will do to him, and THAT
gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling all over, which also reminds me to
triple check before I mow."
------------
Zone 7a, SE Washington State
Ponds: www.jjspond.us