On Jul 9, 9:34*am, (Way Back Jack) wrote:
RACCOONS: dig up the old lady's annual flower garden, shit all over
the decks, and tear up the cushions on deck furniture. *Why? *On three
sides of this property, there are woods, farmland, ponds, and streams
.... a wildlife paradise; yet they sometimes get on the roof and try
to access the house. *Why? *Yes, I'll anti-freeze them and don't care
who likes it.

WOODCHUCKS: are even worse digging burrows near the east side property
line, but at least they have an excuse with the row of mulberry trees
that defines that property line. *Still, it's a bitch dodging the
burrows on the tractor. *I set a record this year by killing seven of
them, two of whom while they were mating on -- believe it or not --
Valentine's Day. *Heh.

WHITETAIL: deer can be dangerous, especially in autumn. *One decided
to live under a deck. *He had an injured leg. *He had absolutely no
fear and would approach the old lady while she played in the perennial
flower garden. *Shotgun blasts did not scare him. *One day while on a
deck, I dropped a 10 lb. barbell plate on him. *He was quick enough to
dodge it but he finally got the message. *He spent a few days down
below by the pond but then disappeared.

WILLIE THE WILD TURKEY: adopted us one summer. *He terrorized the
cats, attacked his own reflection in auto bumpers, and slept on the
roof, even in thunderstorms. *The only good thing about Willie was
that he exterminated most of the cricket population.

ASSORTED SMALL BIRDS: attack their reflections in windows and really
create a mess. *This year, a robin, last year, a lady cardinal, the
year before that, a song sparrow.

Still, some wildlife is enjoyable. *Young turkey vultures are friendly
and inquisitive while you work outside. *Their parents demonstrate a
high degree of surgical skill extracting a brain from a deceased
woodchuck or raccoon through the decedent's eye sockets. *Interesting
to observe. Then there were the pheasants strutting and eating a ton
of bugs but they suddenly and mysteriously disappeared 20-25 years
ago.

"ASSORTED SMALL BIRDS: attack their reflections in windows and
really create a mess."

That's not how it was explained to me at a recent visit to the Nature
Center at a State Park.

Me: "Why do you have a single decal of a bird on each of your
windows?"

Staff: "Have you ever had a bird bounce off your living room window?"

Me: "Yes, I assume it's because they can't see the glass."

Staff: "Correct. Now, under normal circumstances, when a bird is
simply flying from one place to another, they would rather not fly
into another a bird. By placing decals of birds on the windows, the
birds turn away and find another route to wherever they were going."