classixuk wrote:
Hi everyone,

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the
conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2
summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you
could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there,
and my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime
they open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I
really need to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason
being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many
colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash
and leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making
something suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag
it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to
me (or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your
experience and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft
long. A full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full
width decked patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that
gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here
admitting this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee
or poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per
year on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional
paperwork from work that contains private information such as client
addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes
AGES - much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk
of being stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or
swing to sit in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that
will work long-term.

Chris

We need to know why your grass is doing so poorly. Does it get any sun? Is
it always wet (or dry)? Is there any topsoil or is it just sand or clay or
rocks? What is your climate ? Until we know some details specific
recommendations are a WAG.

There are other ground covers aside from grass. Some will do better than
grass where the situation is not good for grass. Some are less trouble to
look after than grass, that is they don't need to be mowed/fertilised much
or at all. Not that grass is very durable but it tends to be more durable
than others, however unless your dog is very large and active that might
still be OK.

Forget about bees, unless you set out to catch them by hand or attack their
hive they will leave you alone. Wasps are more aggressive and will defend
the area near their nests vigorously. Do you actually have wasps or just
fear that you might? As for nettles, wear long pants while mowing, they are
not usually aggressive. Watch out for triffids though.

David