Hi everyone,

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2 summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there, and my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime they open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I really need to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash and leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making something suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to me (or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your experience and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft long. A full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full width decked patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here admitting this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee or poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per year on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional paperwork from work that contains private information such as client addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes AGES - much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk of being stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or swing to sit in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that will work long-term.

Chris

classixuk wrote:
Hi everyone,

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the
conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2
summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you
could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there,
and my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime
they open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I
really need to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason
being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many
colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash
and leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making
something suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag
it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to
me (or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your
experience and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft
long. A full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full
width decked patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that
gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here
admitting this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee
or poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per
year on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional
paperwork from work that contains private information such as client
addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes
AGES - much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk
of being stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or
swing to sit in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that
will work long-term.

Chris

We need to know why your grass is doing so poorly. Does it get any sun? Is
it always wet (or dry)? Is there any topsoil or is it just sand or clay or
rocks? What is your climate ? Until we know some details specific
recommendations are a WAG.

There are other ground covers aside from grass. Some will do better than
grass where the situation is not good for grass. Some are less trouble to
look after than grass, that is they don't need to be mowed/fertilised much
or at all. Not that grass is very durable but it tends to be more durable
than others, however unless your dog is very large and active that might
still be OK.

Forget about bees, unless you set out to catch them by hand or attack their
hive they will leave you alone. Wasps are more aggressive and will defend
the area near their nests vigorously. Do you actually have wasps or just
fear that you might? As for nettles, wear long pants while mowing, they are
not usually aggressive. Watch out for triffids though.

David

On 7/10/12 6:21 PM, classixuk wrote:
Hi everyone,

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the
conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2
summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you
could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there, and
my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime they
open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I really need
to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason
being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many
colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash and
leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making something
suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag
it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to me
(or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your experience
and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft long. A
full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full width decked
patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that
gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here admitting
this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee or
poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per year
on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional
paperwork from work that contains private information such as client
addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes AGES
- much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk of being
stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or swing to sit
in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that will
work long-term.

Chris

I love gardening. However, I found it very useful to have a
professional design my garden.

I designed the garden in my first house by myself. It was quite
beautiful, but it was high-maintenance. In the summer, I was gardening
by moonlight because there was not enough daylight.

For my second house, I had a professional design the garden. I told him
what I wanted and that I needed something that required much less effort
to maintain. It too was beautiful, and I enjoyed it far more than the
garden at my first house. Some 30 years later, I had the garden
completely redesigned. By then, I was too old to install it myself and
instead had the professional install it. This one is even more
enjoyable, and I am able to maintain it myself.

--
David E. Ross
Climate: California Mediterranean, see
http://www.rossde.com/garden/climate.html
Gardening diary at http://www.rossde.com/garden/diary

On Jul 10, 6:21*pm, classixuk
wrote:
Hi everyone,

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the
conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2
summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you
could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there, and
my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime they
open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I really need
to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason
being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many
colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash and
leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making something
suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag
it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to me
(or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your experience
and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft long. A
full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full width decked
patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that
gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here admitting
this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee or
poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per year
on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional
paperwork from work that contains private information such as client
addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes AGES
- much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk of being
stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or swing to sit
in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that will
work long-term.

Chris

--
classixuk

It says UK in your .sig, right? Anyone who tries to help you needs to
know your climate, as well as your mini-climate. How much sunshine?
How much rain? How long is growing season? You don't necessarily
have to have a grass lawn. Depending on your climate (that's why the
info is SO important), you could cover the area with wood chips, even
gravel, and leave yourself a tiny grass area to park your chaise long
and kindle. The rest could be occupied by handsome, low-maintenance
shrubs, interspersed with the wood chips/gravel/tough, low-maintenance
ground cove, or a combination of all. Do you have any artistic
friends who could develop a plan for you? Or break down and hire a
landscape architect (or less expensive assistant). Sometimes spending
a few bux saves problems down the line.

BTW: My city hosts free shredding parties every quarter. People can
bring umpty boxes or bags of documents to feed the maw of the mighty
civic shredder.
Maybe yours does as well? Or should...

HB

classixuk writes:

Hi everyone,

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Grass is one of the lowest maintenance items.
If you aren't mowing, that explains the appearance you describe.

Any decent sized dog will completely destroy a garden if you let it
run lose. It doesn't matter what you plant.

So:

1. Mow and mow regularly.
2. Describe climate/sun conditions better.
3. Consider posting some pictures.

Danger from bees and wasps is reduced to almost nothing if you wear
long clothes.

--
Dan Espen

classixuk.gardenbanana.uk wrote:

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the
conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2
summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you
could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there, and
my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime they
open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I really need
to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason
being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many
colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash and
leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making something
suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag
it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to me
(or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your experience
and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft long. A
full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full width decked
patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that
gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here admitting
this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee or
poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per year
on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional
paperwork from work that contains private information such as client
addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes AGES
- much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk of being
stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or swing to sit
in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that will
work long-term.

Chris

You're obviously hopeless (lazy ******* disease), move to a 3rd floor
flat and hire a dog walker.

I would love to have a go. I have designed many (although I say it myself very pretty functional gardens particularly with low maintenance.
A photo and dimensions would be great or at least dimensions, slope etc.

Regards Ian

On Wed, 11 Jul 2012 14:11:54 +0000, ianb
wrote:


classixuk;964038 Wrote:
Hi everyone,

After denying it for some considerable years I have come to the
conclusion this year that I absolutely detest gardening. These past 2
summers have been the worst and where there was once a lawn (if you
could ever call it that) is now just a bed of weeds and nettles.

Out of pure consideration for both my dog who needs to toilet there, and
my poor neighbours who have to look at the sorry state everytime they
open their bedroom curtains I have decided that this year I really need
to sort it out once and for all.

I'm looking for ideas from people who love gardening. Half the reason
being that I am a hairdresser who can cut many styles and invent many
colours, but when a client tells me they want 'low maintence - wash and
leave' I try to still use some creative thought into making something
suited to them than simply utilitarian.

My non gardening loving friends have so far suggested 2 things - "flag
it over" or "get that false grass stuff", neither of which appeals to me
(or my neighbours I imagine) so could I possibly draw on your experience
and creativity to help me with a very low maintence plan?

+++
My garden is typically suburban. Rectangular - 30ft wide by 70ft long. A
full width shed sits at the bottom of the garden and a full width decked
patio sits at the top which is accessed by 2 patio doors.
+++

It's the 'sea of green' that lies in the middle of those 2 areas that
gives me such a headache every year (totally embarrassed here admitting
this).

Here's what I like to use my garden for: Letting my dog out to go wee or
poo at night or through the day, Having 2-3 intimate barbeques per year
on the decked area, Storing stuff, burning stuff (just occasional
paperwork from work that contains private information such as client
addresses or contact details etc. - I tried shredding and it takes AGES
- much faster to burn), and I guess if it was tidy without risk of being
stung by nettles I would love to have a covered hammock or swing to sit
in occasionally to read my kindle.

Oh, and I am not keen at all on any bees or wasps coming anywhere near
me hence me not ever wanting to mow the lawn in the summer!

Many thanks in advance if you can help me out with some ideas that will
work long-term.

Chris

I would love to have a go. I have designed many (although I say it
myself very pretty functional gardens particularly with low
maintenance.
A photo and dimensions would be great or at least dimensions, slope
etc.

A description with dimensions was provided, can't you read?

Well here is something to start with.
Not in proportion but you can get the idea.
I suggest to have the whole of the lawn lifted.
I have shown a small lawn, I know it has to be mown but as a texture a well kept lawn is unbeatable. Small and easily mown.
A circle is marked, a trench is dug filled with concrete then bricks are laid. Charcoal is probably best colour. The turf is then laid.
The remainder of the area is covered in weed control fabric. Allows water to drain through but prevents weeds from growing. Great stuff! This is then covered in chippings.
You can then either place pots with plants in or plant some permanent perennials. These will take care of themselves and grow every year.
To plant these all you need to do is cut an X in the fabric. Dig a hole and place in some compost. Stick the plant in, firm in place , fold the fabric back and replace the chippings. Easy peasy.
Now I know some of these flowers will attract bees especially the lupins. They love them. That's why I have placed the swing seat away from them. But really bees will never sting you. They go about their business of collecting nectar and unconsciously picking up pollen to cross pollinate the plants. Where would we be without those wonderful little insects! Perhaps you will grow to love them.
Obviously more plants could be added. I have only given a few suggestions.
Only maintenance required is to cut the little lawn. This could of course be replaced with artficial grass which is very realistic nowadays.
Also the flowers could also be replaced by foliage only plants, but what a shame that would be.

Ian

classixuk wrote:
....

get someone to brushhog it (knock it all
back) and then mow it on a regular basis.
don't bother weeding, seeding, weedkilling,
fertilizing, etc. your animal will make it
pointless. whatever is there will either
adapt or be replaced by your surrounding
seed suppliers and those are best adapted
to the situation you will be creating for
them.

cut it a little on the long side and
watch your step on the way to the hammock.


songbird

Brooklyn1 wrote:

You're obviously hopeless (lazy ******* disease), move to a 3rd floor
flat and hire a dog walker.

Chris

Ignore him, we just keep him here to make the rest of us look better.

D

Hi Chris I am trying to motivate you. Awaken you from your slumbers.
I have even a drawn a pictorial view of what your garden might look like. Can you not just imagine sitting on that bench (cushion under) with your kindle and a cup of tea. I've even split the garden in two so that it could be two stage project.