Buy a 'Monstera' or Madagascar Dragon Tree. They are fairly easy, and
as long as you put them near a bright window have much of what they will
need. Then in the morning when you wake up to make coffee , use the
water on the monstera or tree, if, that is, you feel the soil is dry.
However unpleasant this plant before coffee may seem. plants need water
and this much of your life as you intend nothing more.

now about fertilizer you wild and crazy guy...