YARD WORK - AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN (overheard in a conversation between God
and St. Francis):
God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world is
going on down there in the U.S.?
What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistles and the stuff I started
eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance
garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought, and
multiply with abandon. The nectar from
the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of color by now. All I see are patches of green.


St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called the
Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod
worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really
want grass growing there?

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little, they
cut it....sometimes two times a week.

God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

God: Now let me get this straight...they fertilize it to make it grow and
when it does grow,
they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows
the growth and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass
stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they
can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself.
The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the
summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground
and form a natural blanket to keep the moisture in the soil and protect the
trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the
leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall, the
Suburbanites rake them into great piles and
pay to have them hauled away. God: No way! What do they do to protect the
shrubs and tree roots in the winter to
keep the soil moist and loose?

St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy something
called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the
leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have
you scheduled for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie
about....

God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!

--
Eschew Obfuscation.