*Subject:* GOD'S THOUGHTS ON LAWNS
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets,
thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance garden
plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply
with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts
butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast
garden of colours by now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep
it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it - sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And
when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and save them a
lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they
can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring
to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall to the
ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect
the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance
the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay
to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us?

ST.CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a really stupid movie about ...

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.


--
..

'Mike' wrote:

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep
it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.

Which reminds me that I have got a box of feed & weed that I
never managed to put on the lawn last year.

Is it just me, or is it a real pain getting the conditions right?
Not too dry, not raining, but rain soon enough to wash it in, not
within 4 days of cutting, calm enough that it doesn't blow across
the garden...

Chris
--
Chris J Dixon Nottingham UK


Have dancing shoes, will ceilidh.

--
..
"Chris J Dixon" wrote in message
...
'Mike' wrote:

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and
keep
it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any
other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast.
That must make the Suburbanites happy.

Which reminds me that I have got a box of feed & weed that I
never managed to put on the lawn last year.

Is it just me, or is it a real pain getting the conditions right?
Not too dry, not raining, but rain soon enough to wash it in, not
within 4 days of cutting, calm enough that it doesn't blow across
the garden...

Chris
--

No it's not just you. we only have a tiny lawn but Joan had great 'problems'
last year doing the weed 'n' feed thing. Looks great this year though except
under a Winter Flowering Cherry which has Pigeons in it cutting bits off and
dropping them on the lawn :-((

Mike

"'Mike'" wrote in message
...

*Subject:* GOD'S THOUGHTS ON LAWNS
GOD: Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions,
violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect,
no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long
lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds.
I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But all I see are these
green rectangles.

ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites.
They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to
kill them and replace them with grass.

GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to
temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing
there?

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and
keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning
any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy.

ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut
it - sometimes twice a week.

GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags.

GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow.
And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on
the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and save them
a lot of work.

ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops
growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so
they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost
to enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life.

ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new
circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and
pay to have them hauled away.

GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter
and to keep the soil moist and loose?

ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something
which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of
the leaves.

GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us?

ST.CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a really stupid movie about ...

GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

How true,excellent.
Mind you some of us do compost leaves then have the cheek to bury the
remains underground.
Regards
Cineman


--
.

'Mike' wrote:
*Subject:* GOD'S THOUGHTS ON LAWNS
(snip relevant observations).

That's why my front and back lawns went within the first year of moving in
here. Much more room for growing decent stuff worth looking at.

--
Jeff