Marilyn, I am so sorry. You all are still in my prayers.

BetsyB
"madgardener" wrote in message
...
Marilyn, aka madgardener here. I am the bringer of very sad news tonight.
For the last year and a half, one of our beloved garden newsgroup members
has been fighting colon cancer. It was actually looking better. You all
know him by John, or his e-mail signature of B&Jskeff.

I met him right off almost eight years ago on this newsgroup and
immediately struck up a friendship with him in the middle of a tumultuous
moment with my son's wife at a time in their life when I needed someone
outside of my life to give me sound advice. I turned to John, just to ask
his opinion and trusted him. It was something I felt from the heart.

I sent him a 14 page letter over the internet to proof read for me and
offer his opinion as to wheather or not it was out of bounds or had gone
too far. He sent it back with only two sentences taken out, told me that
my writing had once again spoken volumns and that unless my daughter in
law read something between the lines, it was in no way condesending or
condeming. It was more than adequate to send. And I did.

Shortly afterwards, John decided that I was the right age to be his
"little sis" and he kinda adopted me. He fit the age of an older brother
and we communicated back and forth and talked gardens. He particularly
loved my receipe for squirrel stew that I'd submitted once.

His life in upper Minnesota was facinating, and that he was a retired
teacher was a wonderful thing to me as well. Then one spring, he and his
bride on their way to North Carolina stopped thru here to meet up with me.
He and Barb were everything I had figured.

A white haired elf of a man, full head of hair, twinkling eyes, and a huge
smile. Barb was a woman in total love with this amazing man. We had a
great lunch at a local little restaurant, I dragged them thru the slope,
and the early stages of Fairy Holler, and then thru the chaos of our
house. Lots of hugs and tears, they went onwards towards North Carolina
and the friendship strengthened.

Christmas cards, sometimes with a sneak of his extra left over "walking
around change" as he'd put it because Barb didn't just let him buy any
plant he wanted. I was blown away by his kindnesses. He made my husband
cry one Christmas when he had just had surgery on a double hernia and was
out of work. The Christmas card came, and my own John (whom another garden
friend had nicknamed "Squire" that stuck) asked to open it as he was
depressed at not being able to do anything for at least six weeks.

As he opened the envelope, I looked over at him and he asked me to pull to
the shoulder. He was crying. Inside, "Brudder John" had slipped some
Christmas money inside the card. And had written a note to my own John
with words of encouragement. And spoke very kind of me, a little sister he
really felt love and worry towards like any big brother would. And that he
hoped he'd have the opportunity to one day meet him the same as he'd met
me.

Now here we are, almost a year and a half since he pressed his doctors to
find out what was wrong because he just knew there wasn't something right.
and they discovered cancer. And that he'd have to have treatments for the
duration. I once asked him duration of what? And he made a joke that he'd
glow until the end of his life he expected. And always he'd send me jokes
after he'd have treatments. Well, here is the bad news I got tonight after
sweet Barb sent me the first wave of oh no......I am just attaching it
here. I don't think John would mind now. I wanted to share with the people
that John loved as gardeners and friends from the newsgroup so that they
know he is leaving with just lying his trowel down for a moment.

My tears are heavy now, so here is Barb's letter to me and friends and
family. I'd appreciate prayers and loving thoughts for John Skeffington
today and loving supportive prayers and thoughts for his sweet bride,
Barb. Who he lovingly called his July bride..........

"I have bad news. The tests completed last night or early this morning
finally indicated that the tumors have overtaken his liver and that his
liver is shutting down. This also causes ammonia to build up in the
brain, causing the light coma-like state that he is currently in. Today
he is not responsive other than slightly opening his eyes when spoken to
and occasionally he moves and stretches some. The doctor has assured me
that he will not be in pain and has already administered morphine. They
are giving him something to try to clear out the ammonia to see if we can
have a little time to visit together yet. I pressed the doctors today as
to how much time he has and was told "days" by both doctors.

I still can't believe that this is happening so fast. Last week he was
teaching new Master Gardeners about propagation and he still was good on
Sunday. Monday the only clue I had was that he was exceptionally tired
and was willing to have plants cut back and things taken out of the garden
even though we haven't had any frost. The only part he took in the clean
up of the flower beds and vegetable garden was to pick the peppers that
were still on and pull out the plants. Thank heavens I found a woman who
knows her plants and works tirelessly doing what needs to be done. We
tackled a lot of the work in just 1 day! He was so happy to see so much
was done.

In keeping with his wishes (and mine are the same), he will be cremated
and there will be no funeral or memorial service. Probably a week or two
after his passing I will have an open house type of gathering of friends
at the house to celebrate his life. Next summer, probably around the 4th
of July, we will scatter his ashes on the farm he grew up on (and that we
still own) in Park Rapids, MN. But right now I am not making any
decisions. I just sit in his room and let him know I am here. By
bringing my laptop along I can prepare this email and will send it out
when I get home.

I am SO glad we got little Snippet. She was the joy of his life for the
last month. I got several pictures of them that I will always cherish

God is taking his hand. I am losing by best friend and lover of almost 37
years.
Barb"

Snippet is the little Yorkie puppy that John relented and got for Barb as
a companion that immediately attached herself to her daddy. She is a heart
breaker. And I know she'll help with the deep hurt that Barb will feel
from the loss of John in the coming moments.


So my love goes out to you, Brudder John. For all those times I wrote to
you, and you back to me in return, and laughed at your jokes and the more
randy ones you slipped to me. I cherish the time we had to get to know
each other and am honored that we got a chance to hug and meet eye to eye.
I hope we run into each other in a garden somewhere else someday. I'll
know you by the twinkle in your eyes, and you'll know me by the goofy
garden hat. One never knows. I'm not much on more than feeling that our
energy and spirits go on without our shells. And that's just me and the
way I feel. Thank you for allowing me to share this moment of pain and
sadness and love with you all.

Travis, I'll apologize now for the attachment. I had to do it. Think of it
as my last tribute to John. I'll never post another jpg again on this
newsgroup, that I can promise and keep word on.

I have a Deutzia that John started me from cuttings that just this year
grew two new shoots on and promises to bloom wonderfully for me. If I ever
leave, this bush will follow with me along with a number of things I can't
part with that are precious to me.

Marilyn P. Catron aka "madgardener", "maddie" and "lil' sis" up on the
ridge, back in Fairy Holler, overlooking English Mountain in Eastern
Tennessee

Ahhh Maddie. Thank god he's not suffering. I got teary eyed when I read
this. I'm lucky to have had a brief period of emailing with him. I
never met John of course, but I got this mental picture of him.
Remember the TV show "Home Improvement"? It's still on in syndication.
Remember Wilson? Anyhow, I picture John as being a hell of a lot of
gardeners' "Wilson." A hearty "Hi ho neighbor!" followed by a lot of
good advice and knowledge.

Take care,
Tom

thank you sweetie. I told my son that somehow I'm making it up to the
memorial. I need to contact Barb and see if she's having it in Mountain
Home, Arkansas or Minnesota......................if it's Minnesota that will
take more saving in gasoline.
madgardener
"BetsyB" wrote in message
...
Marilyn, I am so sorry. You all are still in my prayers.

BetsyB

Marilyn I am so sorry to hear about John.
I always enjoyed his wisdom and wit.
Thank you for letting us know.
We all will miss him greatly.
Emilie
an oldtimer in NorCal

In article , says...
thank you sweetie. I told my son that somehow I'm making it up to the
memorial. I need to contact Barb and see if she's having it in Mountain
Home, Arkansas or Minnesota......................if it's Minnesota that will
take more saving in gasoline.
madgardener
"BetsyB" wrote in message
...
Marilyn, I am so sorry. You all are still in my prayers.

BetsyB




My sincerest condolances Maddie.

Bill

well it pleases me to announce that there is an update above this. John
still has cancer, but miraculously, there are some fantastic reports that I
put here this morning. Keep a good thought for John. I'd love more than
anything to be going up there to visit HIM and Barb because there was a bona
fide miracle with the medication. but I can't expect too much. The old
addage of sometimes people get "better" before they leave the rest of us is
sadly true. Keep a good thought, and maybe John is too sweet to leave for
awhile. They have had him on a new cancer medication that starves the
blood to the tumors, and I keep hoping that maybe this was what kicked his
liver's butt, but I'm not a doctor. I can only hope that his time here has
been extended long enough for him to say his goodby's and have some more
cherished moments with his bride and immediate family. Thanks for the
kindness Bill.

Maddie
My sincerest condolances Maddie.

Bill