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#1
09-10-2007, 07:02 PM
posted to rec.gardens.edible
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For: [email protected] (was For The Future of Agriculture etc)
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#2
10-10-2007, 09:01 AM
posted to rec.gardens.edible
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[email protected] (was For The Future of Agriculture etc)
"Glenna Rose" wrote in message
n writes: I do know what you mean even though I have had no such sad circumstances as you have had to live through. Please accept my heartfelt sympathy although I know that nothing I could ever say could ease your pain. Thank you very much. No, the pain will never leave; the void left by a child's death is always there and quite different than any other. We adjust and learn to live around it so it becomes a part of our lives rather than it controlling our lives. On our on-line support group, I said it does not become easier, it becomes less difficult. Easier implies it will become easy which is not true and also implies we have more control than we do. I know exactly what you are saying. My sister lost a son almost 13 years ago and I just feel so disturbed that there is simply nothing I can do to help this much loved sister in any way. I know that she still suffers deeply, desperately and despairingly but not a word of her grief ever crosses her lips or is ever shown except in the desperate way she hugs me when she sees me. As my only sibling and being 5 and a half years younger than her, she still maintains the strong older sister role and won't open up and talk about it to me or to anyone. We have never been an emotional or particularly demonsrative family but she just about breaks my ribs with her hugs. This tells me that she is still as raw as the day that it happened and only once have I ever been able to even mention her grieving to her. I have not been game enough to do so since but she needs some help that I cannot give until she is ready and I don't think that she ever will be ready. It is also typical of our family that she won't seek any help. Time doesn't heal at all unfortunately, it just makes the absence of the lost one even more evident as one things that they aren't here for this or that fmaily happening. I too have found my garden a solace as I recovered from cancer therapy. I was burned to a crisp from radiation therapy and as weak as a kitten from the operation, the lack of appetite and chemotherapy but would go out and drag rocks around rebuilding, manuring, digging and planting what I called my 'hard, hungry bed'. If I couldn't do something I would occasionally ask my husband to move a single stone but I tried to do as much of it on my own as a life affirming experience. I now look at this bed and feel good just by looking at it. It's not the prettiest or the best flower bed I have but it is the one of which I am most fond. It doesn't worry me one iota that no-one but my husband can understand why this bed speaks to me. You have been through your own trials, quite definitely. You absolutely have my sympathy for what you have been through. I'm very happy for you that you are here to look at that wonderful flower bed. Thank you but I don't think the big 'C' is nearly as bad as losing a child. It is a process that has to be got through one way or the other. I've always viewed my own death as inevitable and I will die when my time is due. I just hope it's when I'm 80 + as I have too much to do before I die. My sister died in 1972 of cancer the day before her 21st birthday leaving behind two babies in diapers so I have a small amount of understanding what you are saying. I wish so much she could also be speaking your words. Because of what my garden has done for me, I so understand at least part of your fondness for this special part of your yard and of your world. I think it's the constant rebirth we see in the garden. Each year there is a sense of renewal. Even if we aren't going to be here to see it, it will go on. As I worked, I used to think of a haiku that I read many years ago. I've forgotten how to put it into the form of a haiku but the words we "A man truly understands the meaning of life when he plants a shade tree under which he knows he will not sit". That rather re-enforces what I told my two oldest sons and some dear friends about this house. I moved here two-plus years after my youngest son's death. His brothers were very worried about Mom in addition to their own grief from losing their baby brother (who was taller than either of them!). When I planted grapes, kiwi and paw-paw trees, I told them I must be planning to be around a long time since they all take at least 2-5 years to bear! One wouldn't think of planting a grape vine as being a plan for a future, but it really is, like the shade tree. Indeed it is. Blessings to you. And to you and yours. Fran |
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