I Am The Fatest Pork Sausage Of The Temple, Winding, Twisting And Turning I Slip Past Silently In The Shadows... ''Dry Onions Never Make Your Eyes Water!'' Exclaimed The Shylock. Screaming And Blinded I Attempted To Push The Hands Of The Clock Forwards Five Hours Only To Realise I Was Already Late For Pottery Class.

Salamanders Are The Most Hateful Breed Of Reptile, Feasting On Nothing But Orange Peelings They Can Grow To Three Times There Own Size. It Is No Suprise That They Will Do Anything To Appare On Tv, Specially Since Congress Introduced Tax Cuts For All Cold Blooded Creatures.

Fencing Is The Gayest Sword Fight Style In The World, If You Really Wanted To Proove How Much Of A Man You Are You Would Find A Way Of Walking That Doesent Envolve Mandatory Bird Calls, Pushing And Shoving Your Way To The Front Of The Line Wont Get You Anywhere... This Checkout Has Been Closed For Six Days. When The Pilot Airs On Tuesday You Will Know That The Words Of Your Fourth Grade Teacher Have Finally Come To Pass.

Thanks To The Influences Of Pseudo Science The Majority Of People Can't Tell The Difference Between Satire And Bullying, I'm Here To Set The Facts Straight:


- Two Pairs Of Socks.

- One Puncture Repair Kit.

- Six Scandinavians.

- One Backstage Pass To A Lame Musical.

- Ten Empty Outdated Milk Cartons.

- Four Versions Of The Word Four.

- One Warning From A Strip Club.

- Three Lines The Same.

- Three Lines The Same.

- Three Lines The Same.


How Dare You Come In To My House And Threaten To Use My Toilet, I Will Have You Dragged In To The Highest Court In The Land ('The One On Top Of Everest') For Threats Of This Nature Deserve Nothing More Than The Swift Justice Of A Thin Air Mountain Top Court.

You Can Run But You Cant Hide, This Is Mostly Due To That The Majority If Not All Hiding Takes Plase In A Stationary Location, Such As Under Your Bed Or In The Closet. Seldom Do You Get The Chance To Hide On A Train Or Under Water Whilst Attached To The Hull Of A Boat, Only Then Can You Run And Hide... And Even Then You Are Using Motorised Transport So You Arent Really Running Your Traveling, And Yes There Is A Difference. It Is Said That The Eyes Are The Window To The Soul, If This Is True What Is The Soul? Some Kind Of Badly Tended Back Yard In The Projects? Look Inside Your Self And You Will See.

As My Agent Faxed Over God's Devine Plan I Could No Help But To Stand Back In Amazement, Listed In His Plan You Can Find Every Detail About Every Piece Of Information And Every Thing That Ever Existed. Excluding Scabs, Fridge Magnets, Wasabi And Dice... Some How Insinuating That Those Things Are All Our Own Doing.

Posture! Do Not Take That Book Of Of Your Head For We Are High Class Folk. After Several Hours Behind The Wheel You May Start To Feel Tired, If This Is The Case Then No Doubt You Are Good At Maths, Such And Equation Would Be Easy For You To Solve:


- 10

- 9

- 8

- 7

- 6

- 4

- 5

- 3

- 2

- 1


Please Note: Numbers Four And Five Have Been Reversed To Highlight The Difference Between Monogamy And Bigamy, It Is Not A Delightful Coincidence.

Slay Your Thirst With The Refreshing Blood Of The Albino Baboons For There Blood Is Considered A Delicacy By Savages, As Even A Savage Knows... The Richter Scale Has Bin Obsolete For Years, Even The Most Uncultured And Ignorant Savages Know That It Is Now The Moment Magnitude Scale That Has Been Chosen As The Standard Measurement.

Why Waste Your Time Debating The Dietery Habits Of Chuck Norris In Online Forums When You A Complete Lard Ass And Have No Interest In Martial Arts, You Should Be Ashamed Of Your Self.

It Looks Like Blue Water That Tastes Like Milk, You Can Find It At Every Major Retailer. When We Phoned Through Our Order A Wild Beast Answered... Carving Ritualistic Symbols On To Broken Crackers. I Lick Dry Grandad!

A Song Once Told Me To Push The Tempo, But As The Mass Of A Human Body Has Little To No Effect On Sound Waves And/Or The Passage Of Time I Am Yet To Comply To This Request To This Very Day. We Shall Need To Await Patiently For The Beginning Of The Hunting Season.

As I Sit Down At The PC To Try To Trace The History Of My Ancestors I Cant Help But Wonder What Suprises Lay In Store, Could Someone In My Family Be Responsible For A Major Contribution to Humanity? Such As The Term ''Popi'n & Locki'n'' Or Orange Flavour Marmelade.

Sarcastically Yes, Realistically No... These Are The Commun Points That Allow Us To Understand One Another, If There Was No Soy Sauce We Would Use Salty Water Instead. Give Your Heart To Someone So That Your Body May No Longer Circulate Blood To The Brain.

When A Woman Says No She Means No, When A Duck Billed Platypus Says No It Means You Are Tripping Balls. Hand Over Your Meat Loaf You May Hear An Old Lady Say. But Fear Not... She Means You No Harm, Her Visit To This Archipelago Is Purely Hypothetical. No Waste, No Leftovers And No Recycling, This Is My Vision For The Rental Car Of The Future.

The Following Is Not A List:


1- Nothing.

2- Something.

3- Other Stuff.

4- Other Places.

5- Gazebo.


Note: The Aforementioned Is Most Definitively A List. ('Or Not')

Mingling With The Crowd Is A Good Way To Escape The Infored Cameras Of Police Helicopters, Should You Ever Find Your Self In A Situation That Requires Anal Bleaching As Part Of The Orientation Day Process There Is A Strong Chance That Premeditated Juggling Acts Are Merely Moments Away.

I Think And There Fore I Am, Yet Some Times I Kind Of Blank Out And Stare At The Wall For A While. If This Was To Cause Me To Stop Existing Then How Can You Ever Be Expected To Relax.

Do Not, I Repeat... DO NOT Try To Impersonate A Dead Person, Like Elvis Or JFK... People Will See Straight Through You And You Will Be Exposed For The Fake That You Are, ('Unless You Do It In Vegas') Failing That You Can Always Spend Your Life Collecting Stamps Or Varnishing Old Pirates Wooden Legs, The Hours Are Bad... But The Pay Is Good.


P.S. Hmmm Never Mind.