Sorry it's a bit long but worth it I think
""Leaves as Mulch"



Upon observing the way we waste our precious natural resources, imagine
the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis:

"Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going
on down there? Where are all of the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff
I planted eons ago? I had the perfect no-maintenance garden plan. My plants
grew in any type of soil; they withstood drought, and multiplied with
abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies,
honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
colour by now, but all I see are these green squares."

"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill them
and replace them with grass."

"Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
birds or bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Are you sure they really want all that grass growing there?"

"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it, and keep it
green. In the Spring they fertilize the grass, and kill any other plants
that crop up."

"The spring rains and cool weather probably make the grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."

"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little - they cut it."

"Cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"

"No, not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."

"Oh. Is it a cash crop? Do they sell the bags?"

"No sir, just the opposite. They pay taxes for the bags to be hauled off."

"Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize the grass so it will
grow, and when it does grow they cut if off and pay to throw it away?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then, these suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work."

"Sit down, Lord. When the grass stops growing, they drag out the hoses and
pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to have
it hauled off."

"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the Autumn they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form a compost
to enhance the soil."

"You still sitting, Lord? The Suburbanites have grown a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them, bag them, and pay to have them
hauled off."

"You're kidding! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the winter, or keep the soil moist and loose?"

"After the leaves are hauled off they buy something they call mulch and
spread it around under the trees."

"And where do they get this mulch."

"They cut down the trees and grind them up."

"ENOUGH! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"


"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."

"Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story."




--
David Hill
Abacus nurseries
www.abacus-nurseries.co.uk

"David Hill" wrote in message
...
Sorry it's a bit long but worth it I think
""Leaves as Mulch"



Upon observing the way we waste our precious natural resources,
imagine
the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis:

"Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going
on down there? Where are all of the dandelions, violets, thistle
and stuff
I planted eons ago? I had the perfect no-maintenance garden plan.
My plants
grew in any type of soil; they withstood drought, and multiplied
with
abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted
butterflies,
honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden
of
colour by now, but all I see are these green squares."

"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to
kill them
and replace them with grass."

"Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
birds or bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Are you sure they really want all that grass growing
there?"

"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it, and keep
it
green. In the Spring they fertilize the grass, and kill any other
plants
that crop up."

"The spring rains and cool weather probably make the grass grow
really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."

"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little - they cut it."

"Cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"

"No, not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in
bags."

"Oh. Is it a cash crop? Do they sell the bags?"

"No sir, just the opposite. They pay taxes for the bags to be
hauled off."

"Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize the grass so it will
grow, and when it does grow they cut if off and pay to throw it
away?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then, these suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we
cut back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and
saves
them a lot of work."

"Sit down, Lord. When the grass stops growing, they drag out the
hoses and
pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay
to have
it hauled off."

"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in
the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the Autumn they
fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the
soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form a
compost
to enhance the soil."

"You still sitting, Lord? The Suburbanites have grown a new circle.
As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them, bag them, and pay to have
them
hauled off."

"You're kidding! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree
roots in
the winter, or keep the soil moist and loose?"

"After the leaves are hauled off they buy something they call mulch
and
spread it around under the trees."

"And where do they get this mulch."

"They cut down the trees and grind them up."

"ENOUGH! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine,
you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us
tonight?"


"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."

"Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story."




--
David Hill
Abacus nurseries
www.abacus-nurseries.co.uk

"David Hill" wrote in message
...
Sorry it's a bit long but worth it I think
""Leaves as Mulch"

[snip]

David, that was a masterpiece.

Franz

In article , David Hill david@abacusn
urseries.freeserve.co.uk writes
Sorry it's a bit long but worth it I think
""Leaves as Mulch"

Big snip of wonderful stuff !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David, is this your own creation?
If so, would you mind if I passed it out to our horticultural society in
September when we have our first meet?
--
Jane Ransom in Lancaster.
I won't respond to private emails that are on topic for urg
but if you need to email me for any other reason, put ransoms
at jandg dot demon dot co dot uk where you see

St. Francis of Assisi or St. Francis Xavier?


"David Hill" wrote in message
...
Sorry it's a bit long but worth it I think
""Leaves as Mulch"



Upon observing the way we waste our precious natural resources, imagine
the conversation The Creator might have with St. Francis:

"Frank, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is
going
on down there? Where are all of the dandelions, violets, thistle and
stuff
I planted eons ago? I had the perfect no-maintenance garden plan. My
plants
grew in any type of soil; they withstood drought, and multiplied with
abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracted butterflies,
honeybees, and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of
colour by now, but all I see are these green squares."

"It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They
started calling your flowers 'weeds' and went to great extent to kill
them
and replace them with grass."

"Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract
birds or bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
temperatures. Are you sure they really want all that grass growing
there?"

"Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it, and keep it
green. In the Spring they fertilize the grass, and kill any other plants
that crop up."

"The spring rains and cool weather probably make the grass grow really
fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy."

"Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little - they cut it."

"Cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?"

"No, not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags."

"Oh. Is it a cash crop? Do they sell the bags?"

"No sir, just the opposite. They pay taxes for the bags to be hauled
off."

"Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize the grass so it will
grow, and when it does grow they cut if off and pay to throw it away?"

"Yes, sir."

"Then, these suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back
on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
them a lot of work."

"Sit down, Lord. When the grass stops growing, they drag out the hoses
and
pay more money to water it, so they can continue to mow it and pay to
have
it hauled off."

"What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer
stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the Autumn they fall
to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form a
compost
to enhance the soil."

"You still sitting, Lord? The Suburbanites have grown a new circle. As
soon as the leaves fall, they rake them, bag them, and pay to have them
hauled off."

"You're kidding! What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in
the winter, or keep the soil moist and loose?"

"After the leaves are hauled off they buy something they call mulch and
spread it around under the trees."

"And where do they get this mulch."

"They cut down the trees and grind them up."

"ENOUGH! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're
in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?"


"Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about..."

"Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story."




--
David Hill
Abacus nurseries
www.abacus-nurseries.co.uk

It's something I found a couple of years ago and had forgotten about


--
David Hill
Abacus nurseries
www.abacus-nurseries.co.uk

In article , David Hill david@abacus
nurseries.freeserve.co.uk writes
It's something I found a couple of years ago and had forgotten about

So, presumably, if it's published, then I can pass it on to the people
at the local horticultural society!!
--
Jane Ransom in Lancaster.
I won't respond to private emails that are on topic for urg
but if you need to email me for any other reason, put ransoms
at jandg dot demon dot co dot uk where you see