I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

from http://www.ambergriscaye.com/museum/digit25.html

Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078

Dear Dr. Smith,
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "93211-D,
layer seven, next to the clothesline post-Hominid skull." We have given
this specimen a careful and detailed examination, and regret to inform
you that we disagree with your theory that represents conclusive proof
of the presence of Early Man in Belize two million years ago.

Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie
doll, of the variety that one of our staff, who has small children,
believes to be "Malibu Barbie." It is evident that you have given a
great deal of thought to the analysis of this specimen, and you may be
quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior work in
the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings.

However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of
the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:

1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are
typically fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately nine cubic
centimeters, well below the threshold of even the earliest identified
proto-homonids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent
with the common domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating
Pliocene clams you speculate roamed the wetlands during that time.

This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses
you have submitted in your history with this institution, but the
evidence seems to weigh rather heavily against it. Without going into
too much detail, let us say that:

A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has
chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.

It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your
request to have the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the
heavy load our lab must bear in its normal operation, and partly due to
carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in fossils of recent geologic
record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls were produced
prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly
inaccurate results.

Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National
Science Foundation with the concept of assigning your specimen the
scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I,
for one, fought tenaciously for the acceptance of your proposed
taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the species name you
selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might be Latin.

However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating
specimen to the museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it
is, nonetheless, yet another riveting example of the great body of work
you seem to accumulated here so effortlessly. You should know that our
Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for the display
of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and
the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in
your digs at the site you have discovered in your San Pedro back yard.

We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you
proposed in your last letter, and several of us are pressing the
Director to pay for it. We are particularly interested in hearing you
expand on your theories surrounding the iron rod that makes the
excellent juvenile tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take
on the deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive
crescent wrench.

Yours in Science,
Otis T. Thudpucker
Chief Archeologist

You should take off all your clothes and run through the streets shouting
"The Aliens Have Landed"!!!!

That should get the prompt attention of the proper authorities.


"Hans-Marc Olsen" wrote in message
m...
I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

(Hans-Marc Olsen) wrote in
m:

I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

Accept no subsitutes.
You should contact our resident *alien-artifacts* expert Alexa
on alt.alien.visitors, alt.alien.research, alt.fan.art-bell to name a few.

Just trying to help!

--
jpac


Build an Interocitor and Explore the Universe!


http://www.interocitor.net/images/interocitorpic.jpg
http://www.shipbrook.com/jeff/interocitor/

You should listen to what Janet says because she herself is a space alien
from Uranus!!!! She has the big butt to prove it!!!


"Janet Baraclough.." wrote in message
...
The message
from (Hans-Marc Olsen) contains these words:

I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

Make a list of all the plants you want to buy with the money you make
from TV appearances, the book, and the film rights of your story. Then
start planning your new garden design, and count your lucky stars that
someone else is going to dig over your entire plot, very deeply and
thoroughly, in time for Spring.

It would be a good idea to spread a yard-deep layer of manure all over
your garden before the excavators arrive.

Janet.

(Hans-Marc Olsen) wrote in
m:

I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?


Isn't UFO just a euphemism for badly composted manure?

On 16 Nov 2004 21:37:58 -0800, (Hans-Marc Olsen)
in rec.gardens wrote:

I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

Be an "expert" guest on coast-to-coast.


FACE

(Hans-Marc Olsen) wrote in message om...
I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

Suicide is the only way to avoid being herded onto the alien slave ships.

(Beecrofter) wrote in
om:

(Hans-Marc Olsen) wrote in message
om...
I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

Suicide is the only way to avoid being herded onto the alien slave
ships.


He will have to take some necrotizing systemic poison or else they will
just flush out the poison, replace his blood with compost tea and
reanimate him with the reanimatationtron. Success rate for reanimation
is only 35%, and if it fails they will use his body as some sort of weird
walking alien daisy planter. I don't know which fate is worse, but who
knew so many aliens were gardeners.

I know all of this is true because I hacked in to the Computron Relay for
Alien Pirates network a couple of weeks ago, and unlike the Internet,
everything on the C.R.A.P net is true.

(Hans-Marc Olsen) posted on that vast
bizarre internet thingie:

I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

What can I do now?

Sounds like it's time for a yard sale.

If any of the aliens come around just act like you can't see them.
(That *really* frosts them when we do that!)

Steve at SELLCOM www.splitlogs.com
--
http://www.sellcom.com
Discount multihandset cordless phones by Panasonic AT&T,
5.8Ghz 2line; TMC ET4000 4line Epic phone, OnHoldPlus, Watchguard!
Brick wall "non MOV" surge protection. Firewood splitters www.splitlogs.com
If you sit at a desk www.ergochair.biz you owe it to yourself.

(Hans-Marc Olsen) posted

I think there is an ancient alien landing site in my garden, because
there is an UFO under it.

Most UFOs (Unidentified Flowering Objects) are weeds. However, a weed
is just a plant in the wrong place.

--
Pardon my spam deterrent; send email to
Cheers, Steve Henning in Reading, PA USA
http://home.earthlink.net/~rhodyman