Sod all to do with gardening and no doubt the 'Owners' will report me to my
ISP, but I thought some of you with an ounce of human feeling might like the
following.

(Lifted from a newsgroup to which you have to have special status to belong
to. THAT will upset the 'owners' even MORE!!!!)

A list of actual announcements that London Tube
train drivers have made to their passengers...



1)"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the
delay to your service. I know you're all dying to
get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want
to cross over to the Westbound and go in the
opposite direction."



2)"Your delay this evening is caused by the line
controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not
knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you
know any further information as soon as I'm given
any."



3)"Do you want the good news first or the bad
news? The good news is that last Friday was my
birthday and I hit the town and had a great time.
The bad news is that there is a points failure
somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which
means we probably won't reach our destination."



4)"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the
delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria
station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off
it and pass some time together. All together
now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a
wall.....'."



5)"We are now travelling through Baker Street...
As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would
have been nice if they had actually told me, so I
could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think
about things like that".



6)"Beggars are operating on this train. Please do
NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you
have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."



7)During an extremely hot rush hour on the
Central Line, the driver announced in a West
Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna,
ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are
not provided."



8)"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!"
(Pause .) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in
like sardines, see if I care - I'm going
home...."



9)"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to
confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.'
The two are distinct and separate instructions."



10)"Please note that the beeping noise coming
from the doors means that the doors are about to
close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
bags into the doors."



11)"We can't move off because some idiot has
their hand stuck in the door."



12)"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat
trying to get on the second carriage - what part
of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
understand?"



13)"Please move all baggage away from the doors."
(Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from
the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal
message to the man in the brown suit wearing
glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie
down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs
away from the door before I come down there and
shove them up your a**e sideways!"



14)"May I remind all passengers that there is
strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the
Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint,
it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of
the carriage."



:-)))))

Well I have a sense of humour, if you don't :-(((((((((((((((
I can recommend a good Funeral Director :-))) who will get you out of our
way:-))

Mike
The truth WILL prevail
--
..

Sacha and the Borrowcloth will be the first to contact my ISP

Bets taken here.

Mike
The truth will prevail

:-))))))))

--
..
"Mike" wrote in message
...
Sod all to do with gardening and no doubt the 'Owners' will report me to
my
ISP, but I thought some of you with an ounce of human feeling might like
the
following.

(Lifted from a newsgroup to which you have to have special status to
belong
to. THAT will upset the 'owners' even MORE!!!!)

A list of actual announcements that London Tube
train drivers have made to their passengers...



1)"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the
delay to your service. I know you're all dying to
get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want
to cross over to the Westbound and go in the
opposite direction."



2)"Your delay this evening is caused by the line
controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not
knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you
know any further information as soon as I'm given
any."



3)"Do you want the good news first or the bad
news? The good news is that last Friday was my
birthday and I hit the town and had a great time.
The bad news is that there is a points failure
somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which
means we probably won't reach our destination."



4)"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the
delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria
station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off
it and pass some time together. All together
now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a
wall.....'."



5)"We are now travelling through Baker Street...
As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would
have been nice if they had actually told me, so I
could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think
about things like that".



6)"Beggars are operating on this train. Please do
NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you
have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."



7)During an extremely hot rush hour on the
Central Line, the driver announced in a West
Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna,
ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are
not provided."



8)"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!"
(Pause .) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in
like sardines, see if I care - I'm going
home...."



9)"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to
confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.'
The two are distinct and separate instructions."



10)"Please note that the beeping noise coming
from the doors means that the doors are about to
close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
bags into the doors."



11)"We can't move off because some idiot has
their hand stuck in the door."



12)"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat
trying to get on the second carriage - what part
of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
understand?"



13)"Please move all baggage away from the doors."
(Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from
the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal
message to the man in the brown suit wearing
glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie
down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs
away from the door before I come down there and
shove them up your a**e sideways!"



14)"May I remind all passengers that there is
strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the
Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint,
it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of
the carriage."



:-)))))

Well I have a sense of humour, if you don't :-(((((((((((((((
I can recommend a good Funeral Director :-))) who will get you out of our
way:-))

Mike
The truth WILL prevail
--
.

Its more interesting than some of the drivel those two spout
"Mike" wrote in message
...
Sacha and the Borrowcloth will be the first to contact my ISP

Bets taken here.

Mike
The truth will prevail

:-))))))))

--
.
"Mike" wrote in message
...
Sod all to do with gardening and no doubt the 'Owners' will report me to
my
ISP, but I thought some of you with an ounce of human feeling might like
the
following.

(Lifted from a newsgroup to which you have to have special status to
belong
to. THAT will upset the 'owners' even MORE!!!!)

A list of actual announcements that London Tube
train drivers have made to their passengers...



1)"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the
delay to your service. I know you're all dying to
get home, unless, of course, you happen to be
married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want
to cross over to the Westbound and go in the
opposite direction."



2)"Your delay this evening is caused by the line
controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not
knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you
know any further information as soon as I'm given
any."



3)"Do you want the good news first or the bad
news? The good news is that last Friday was my
birthday and I hit the town and had a great time.
The bad news is that there is a points failure
somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which
means we probably won't reach our destination."



4)"Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the
delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria
station and we are therefore stuck here for the
foreseeable future, so let's take our minds off
it and pass some time together. All together
now.... 'Ten green bottles, hanging on a
wall.....'."



5)"We are now travelling through Baker Street...
As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would
have been nice if they had actually told me, so I
could tell you earlier, but no, they don't think
about things like that".



6)"Beggars are operating on this train. Please do
NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you
have any spare change, please give it to a
registered charity. Failing that, give it to me."



7)During an extremely hot rush hour on the
Central Line, the driver announced in a West
Indian drawl: "Step right this way for the sauna,
ladies and gentleman... unfortunately, towels are
not provided."



8)"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!"
(Pause .) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in
like sardines, see if I care - I'm going
home...."



9)"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to
confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open.'
The two are distinct and separate instructions."



10)"Please note that the beeping noise coming
from the doors means that the doors are about to
close. It does not mean throw yourself or your
bags into the doors."



11)"We can't move off because some idiot has
their hand stuck in the door."



12)"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat
trying to get on the second carriage - what part
of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you
understand?"



13)"Please move all baggage away from the doors."
(Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from
the doors." (Pause...) "This is a personal
message to the man in the brown suit wearing
glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie
down, Four-eyes, and move your bl**dy golf clubs
away from the door before I come down there and
shove them up your a**e sideways!"



14)"May I remind all passengers that there is
strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the
Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint,
it's only fair that you pass it round the rest of
the carriage."



:-)))))

Well I have a sense of humour, if you don't :-(((((((((((((((
I can recommend a good Funeral Director :-))) who will get you out of our
way:-))

Mike
The truth WILL prevail
--
.

--
..
"pied piper" wrote in message
...
Its more interesting than some of the drivel those two spout


Have you noticed that if I post, the others have to 'out post me'

Sad :-((((((

--
..
"Mike" wrote in message
...


--
.
"pied piper" wrote in message
...
Its more interesting than some of the drivel those two spout


Have you noticed that if I post, the others have to 'out post me'

Sad :-((((((



Just watch and count how many post are made by them in the near future now
"I" am posting :-))
Mike
The TRUTH "WILL" prevail :-))

Mike wrote:
Sod all to do with gardening and no doubt the 'Owners' will report me
to my ISP, but I thought some of you with an ounce of human feeling
might like the following.

(Lifted from a newsgroup to which you have to have special status to
belong to. THAT will upset the 'owners' even MORE!!!!)

A list of actual announcements that London Tube
train drivers have made to their passengers...

Big snip

Quite good, aside from the paranoia at the beginning, what posesses you to
imagine that any newsgroup has an owner of any sort?...no one has any less
or more right to post here (or in any other newsgroup) than anyone else,
regardless of how long standing they are or how new they are...you don't
need any kind of status to post to any newsgroup,and no one 'belongs' to any
group, I (and everyone else in the world) have as much right to post in
every group on usenet.... nor do you need permission to 'lift' items
therefrom, anyone can create a newsgroup but they have no authority within
that group nor what goes on there, I think you are mistaking usenet for some
kind of members web forum.

funny stuffy snipped
:-)))))

Well I have a sense of humour, if you don't :-(((((((((((((((
I can recommend a good Funeral Director :-))) who will get you out of our
way:-))

Mike
The truth WILL prevail

Thank you so much, I thought it was all very funny, can I pass it on to
my family to read :-)

kate

Kate Morgan wrote:
funny stuffy snipped
:-)))))

Well I have a sense of humour, if you don't :-(((((((((((((((
I can recommend a good Funeral Director :-))) who will get you out
of our way:-))

Mike
The truth WILL prevail

Thank you so much, I thought it was all very funny, can I pass it on
to my family to read :-)


You don't need to ask, no one has copyright on their posts.

--
..
"Kate Morgan" wrote in message
...
funny stuffy snipped
:-)))))

Well I have a sense of humour, if you don't :-(((((((((((((((
I can recommend a good Funeral Director :-))) who will get you out of
our
way:-))

Mike
The truth WILL prevail

Thank you so much, I thought it was all very funny, can I pass it on to
my family to read :-)

kate

'Can you pass it on?' Of course you can. Read Phil L's posting, no one
'really' owns a newsgroup, it's just that some "Olduns" on here who gardened
with Adam 'THINK' they own it :-))

Mike
The truth will prevail

In article ,
Phil L wrote:

You don't need to ask, no one has copyright on their posts.

Not so. All text produced in the UK is (by default) copyright of
the author. Junk posted on Usenet may be assumed to have implicit
permission for arbitrary reproduction and modification, but that is
not the same thing.


Regards,
Nick Maclaren.

Nick Maclaren wrote:

As you have just breached copyright by quoting *my* writings without
permission, I'll see you in court, the police are on their way.

:-p

As I said, no one has copyright on their posts...

Phil L wrote:
Nick Maclaren wrote:

As you have just breached copyright by quoting *my* writings
without
permission, I'll see you in court, the police are on their way.

:-p

As I said, no one has copyright on their posts...

You are clearly under a misapprehension, sir. Possibly two
misapprehensions. No, since you mentioned the police, make that at
least three.

--
Mike.

Janet Baraclough wrote:
The message k
from "Phil L" contains these words:


As I said, no one has copyright on their posts...

You're out of date.

http://www.clari.net/brad/copymyths.html

As I said no one has copyright on their posts... in the 25 years plus of
usenet's existence and probably hundreds of millions of posts it's never
happened, not once, ever.

Also why do so many posts in here end up like this?:
How many newsgroup members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post .........snip blurb, we all know the
rest.

:
How many newsgroup members does it takes to change a light bulb?


1 to change the light bulb and to post .........snip blurb, we all know
the
rest.


There are two wonderful version of this in relation to Freemasons. One
version within a Lodge which covers Lodge procedure and another outside the
Lodge with covers the myth of Secrets!!!

They both came up in one of my Lodges last month :-))

Mike
The truth will prevail

In article ,
Phil L wrote:
Janet Baraclough wrote:
The message k
from "Phil L" contains these words:

As I said, no one has copyright on their posts...

You're out of date.

Nearly a century out of date, actually - since 1911.

http://www.clari.net/brad/copymyths.html

As I said no one has copyright on their posts... in the 25 years plus of
usenet's existence and probably hundreds of millions of posts it's never
happened, not once, ever.

Try reversing the normal direction of detection. You have been give
the facts, now try to find a clue.

Also why do so many posts in here end up like this?:

Probably because there are so many people as ignorant as you.


Regards,
Nick Maclaren.