Well friends, they say that the more you wanna know the less they tell
you, or something like that.....since Friday was three days after I
took the stress test, I called the doctor............HUGE
SIGH.....................apparently he doesn't discuss results over
the phone.....ok, so when is the soonest I can talk to him?? THURSDAY
NEXT WEEK??????????????????? crap.

So that makes me think that if it were something really serious, he
would have called me, I hope. Not having insurance makes me wonder
though....but according to a few people at work, he's one of the good
heart specialists. (I can't afford him). Ann, I love you for your
concern, and you too, Pat. I wondered if it was an anxiety attack
too, Cheryl. But I've HAD those before. they went away. This weight
in the middle of my chest and the pinchy kinda numb feeling in my arms
has stayed with me now since last Thursday, sometimes worse and other
times just noticible. I had a moment of clarity at work the other
day, though. I had been asked to completely sweep the back five
aisles of the nursery where the pool chemicals, dog pens, pavers,
FERTILIZERS and WEED AND FEED, fencing stuff, and such are at. Most
people who have been to Lowe's and in the nursery are aware of these
back aisles where the extra stuff is located. We keep these area's
and the aisles of the plant tables clean anyway, but apparently some
uppety muck was coming to the store and the store manager knew I'd do
a thorough job and wanted me to get in between the pallets and such.

It was a georgous day. One of the last ones. WArm, slight wind. Sunny
and just beautiful. I don't like push brooms and I really needed an
angle one, and it took me five hours to do a complete and thorough
job. In between the sweeping, I helped customers and such, but pretty
much stayed back there cleaning up missed spots and crevices. I
raised alot of dust even though I know HOW to sweep. Now I wonder if
I inhaled fine particles of weed and feed?? or fertilizers? I didn't
just swing that broom wildly, but there was ALOT of dust because
that's the back area that stays dry with the tin roof. It's possible
something got into my lungs and is affecting me since it's that close
to my heart. If the doctor tells me me heart is fine, then I will
approach this too, as well as the possiblity of a blockage.....not
looking forward to them checking me for a blockage, but I can't live
like this, not knowing. And the pressure and discomfort is still
there. Even today. So it's not just anxiety (well, I know I'm under
stress, Squire didn't have work the last ten days, which was perfect
timing, oldest son lost his temporary job and got the flu and has been
sick the whole time I've been down, I missed four days of my work
which gave me a miniscule check (not that it was large to begin with
since they've cut my hours to 20 a week) but with Squire not working
these last ten days, that means no check next week, with nothing from
me as I get paid alternate weeks, thanksgiving is a pay period for me
but payday is the day AFTER............and all the remaining bills are
due Wednesday. I have to laugh.............G

Seriously, I decided that I can't just stop, so I get up and am glad I
am up and still have a warm house that is packed to the ceiling with
cactus and tropicals needing a spot to sit, grateful that so far, I've
got my daughter and her girls and husband coming from NAshville, and
oldest son's friends and their boys coming down from Chicago for roast
beast day, and everyone will chip in something and we'll have a great
time. I got a tearful surprise yesterday when I got to work. Lowe's
gave everyone a $25 coupon at Food Lion and that enabled us to get a
turkey for the feast, and when someone remarked to me that it was our
big Thanksgiving and CHristmas bonus, woo hoo, I told them with tears
in my eyes that no, it was rather wonderful considering we weren't
going to be able to have much of a dinner this year due to
circumstances. it took them aback and they remarked that I had just
made them realize it wasn't the "little $25" but the idea of what it
was and they felt badly that they didn't appreciate it as much as I
did.

I still go to work, I still push myself too far, but so far, other
than sore muscles, I'm hanging in there and once I find out something
solid, I will let ya'll know. My love comes out to ya'll for being
there for me, wheather I hear from you or see you I know you're out
there. I didn't post what I did for attention, I just sometimes need
to know I'm not alone with my life struggles. And we're all going thru
this if not worse. Our love and respect for one another is one of the
reasons I love this newsgroup (despite the bickering, because a good
relationship has those bickering moments, makes the make up and smooth
overs that much more fun!)

I hope you are all doing well, and look forward to the conversations
that spring up during these fallow times. Let the catalogs continue!
(I've already gotten a lion's share of them)

Garden note: it's a cold, rainy, foggy day outside after we had our
first hard freeze. the perennials that are still blooming are standing
strong, but the rest of the garden is starting to look like a bad hair
day. The leaves have all pretty much been blown off the trees with
exception to some die hard ones like my black cherry tree in the east
side. It's hanging firm with them still. The pink butterfly bush
that resides in the corner of the NSSG still has leaves and now is
sporting new silvery green leaves at the bases of those leaves. I hate
to cut it back come spring, but I will anyway to have more flowers.

The Mexican sage I got from Reba down the road hung in there during
those bitter winds and 20o temperatures, but I attribute it also to
the fact that it's sitting at the back of the south facing raised
garden and the dogrun provided it a little backside micro climate. I
just hope it makes it thru the winter and returns for me come
springtime. It's a nice clump.

The mums all look like they've gone thru a wringer washer, and the
figs on the tree are finally at the familiar stage. Droopy and dark
and hanging below those huge fuzzy leaves that are starting to drop
off. And everywhere, HUGE pawlonia leaves are everywhere. Filling up
the fountain, draped over the fairy perching at the top of the BBQ
wall in back, the water is cold and thick with a layer of leaves
floating on top, the canna I forgot to bring in sticking out still
green (I'll have to plant her Sunday so she will return for me next
spring, she is glorious!) Not to mention there are still two burning
bush babies, a red rhodie, a Dorothy Wycliff pieris and something else
I can't remember to plant somewhere quickly as they won't survive the
winter in their pots since the tomato box is now full of plants. And
there are still bags of bulbs to tuck into that box wanting to start
their root growth before the temperatures chills the soil too much
before their winter sleep.

Ever the gardener, and plodding onward. And actually looking forward
to those Siberian irises that gardengal is sending me next spring!
(not to mention who returns for me and who can I replace?)

Again, thanks for your time, I will keep ya'll posted as I know
things. Stay safe adn warm and think of fairies tucked under leaves
and clumps of next year's perennials snoozing while others are still
busy doing their fall jobs and upcoming winter ones.

madgardener up on the rainy and cold ridge, back in fairy holler,
overlooking a mist and cloud shrouded English Mountain in Eastern
Tennessee, zone 7, Sunset zone 36